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Don't want to lose my high school sweetheart!

Tagged as: Faded love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 November 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 28 November 2010)
A male United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

hello I'm 47yr. male met my highschool sweetheart at a 30 year reunion she's 46yr. were both still married but were both seperated her for 20 yrs. me for 2yrs. we hit it off great as if we were still dating. back than i was normally a talkative person. but now after three months i feel I'm losing her because she say's i dont talk to her which is true. I find it hard to come up with something to talk about I'm not a very good at keeping a conversation going. she's a bit on the wild side but I've changed over the yrs.I'm a bit on the quiet side. I love her very much an I dont want to lose her. can you please help your advice is very apperciated

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A female reader, pixiegirls United States +, writes (28 November 2010):

pixiegirls agony auntThe phenomenon of reconnecting with our first love has become a more common situation than it was years ago. These relationships we had were not only special, they leave a mark, or “imprint” upon us for the rest of our lives. Studies have been done extensively regarding the reconnection and successes of first love reunions. Depending upon the status of both people now, the primary reason for the initial break up, and what the expectations or hopes are now, may give a clue as to any success of re-igniting the relationship.

Be aware, the first three months especially, also called the “honeymoon phase”, is one of high intensity where feelings are so strong that communication may become incessant. After the initial fireworks, it is normal to fall into a more normal level of communication. Many times this is because a comfort level has been met, or that the important questions have been addressed. I would wonder if she is questioning the amount of contact now due fear that she will also lose contact with her. There is only so much you can really go over via texts, emails, and phone calls can cover. Personal contact makes a big impact upon whether or not one might think this is a relationship that is true, or a somewhat fantasy of what could have been. I found from experience, and a very similar circumstance, that all of the emails, texts, and phone calls don’t mean a whole lot until you are able to see each other in person. That can change everything, and that I cannot explain.

To reconnect with a first love and actually make things happen again only happens for a few, those are usually both single/divorced. Now that you have hit the three month mark, or post “honeymoon” phase, it is time to become realistic. Then it becomes time to think about if your personalities now mesh together, is relocation involved, what are your future goals? Sometimes the reconnection is so strong, we are in such an unbelievably “high “place, we push back the things that are part of our lives now.

Are you communicating via email, text, or phone? It may be easier to use email so that you are able to express what you want to say without feeling a need to answer immediately. This is also a good way to go over some of the “big” questions is you both choose to go forward with your relationship. I know it feels when you are first back in contact with your first love that jumping right back in seems right….until actual decisions need to be made. We tend to ignore what major changes in our life have actually occurred, and when they arise and must be dealt with, become obstacles for some people that cannot be overcome.

These are some of the realistic aspects that you can discuss with your high school sweetheart. They may give you a better glimpse of the relationship working or not. Regardless, the feelings you both have will not die, they will remain with you forever, and they just may or may not be enough to recreate the relationship that seems should have been.

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A female reader, pixiegirls United States +, writes (28 November 2010):

pixiegirls agony auntThe phenomenon of reconnecting with our first love has become a more common situation than it was years ago. These relationships we had were not only special, they leave a mark, or “imprint” upon us for the rest of our lives. Studies have been done extensively regarding the reconnection and successes of first love reunions. Depending upon the status of both people now, the primary reason for the initial break up, and what the expectations or hopes are now, may give a clue as to any success of re-igniting the relationship.

Be aware, the first three months especially, also called the “honeymoon phase”, is one of high intensity where feelings are so strong that communication may become incessant. After the initial fireworks, it is normal to fall into a more normal level of communication. Many times this is because a comfort level has been met, or that the important questions have been addressed. I would wonder if she is questioning the amount of contact now due fear that she will also lose contact with her. There is only so much you can really go over via texts, emails, and phone calls can cover. Personal contact makes a big impact upon whether or not one might think this is a relationship that is true, or a somewhat fantasy of what could have been. I found from experience, and a very similar circumstance, that all of the emails, texts, and phone calls don’t mean a whole lot until you are able to see each other in person. That can change everything, and that I cannot explain.

To reconnect with a first love and actually make things happen again only happens for a few, those are usually both single/divorced. Now that you have hit the three month mark, or post “honeymoon” phase, it is time to become realistic. Then it becomes time to think about if your personalities now mesh together, is relocation involved, what are your future goals? Sometimes the reconnection is so strong, we are in such an unbelievably “high “place, we push back the things that are part of our lives now.

Are you communicating via email, text, or phone? It may be easier to use email so that you are able to express what you want to say without feeling a need to answer immediately. This is also a good way to go over some of the “big” questions is you both choose to go forward with your relationship. I know it feels when you are first back in contact with your first love that jumping right back in seems right….until actual decisions need to be made. We tend to ignore what major changes in our life have actually occurred, and when they arise and must be dealt with, become obstacles for some people that cannot be overcome.

These are some of the realistic aspects that you can discuss with your high school sweetheart. They may give you a better glimpse of the relationship working or not. Regardless, the feelings you both have will not die, they will remain with you forever, and they just may or may not be enough to recreate the relationship that seems should have been.

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A female reader, Dorothy Dix Australia +, writes (28 November 2010):

Hi there. It's possible that you have both outgrown each other over the years.

The people you were way back then, are not who you both are now. Things have changed. Life changes people.

The feelings you have now, are just memories of how they were back then. You are probably trying to keep it going as if all those years in between never happened.

Unfortunately, life doesn't work like that.

If it hadn't been for the highschool reunion, you probably never would have seen her again.

Also, the fact that at the time of the highschool reunion you just both happened to be at loose ends, is what made you think you could try reliving it all over again.

It's good you caught up after all this time, but it also seems that it's now time for you to move on.

The differences between you now, is too great to make it work.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2010):

You're going to have to face your reluctance to open up to her. If you don't she's gone... if you do she's likely to stay. You want her to stay... TALK TO HER!

You may need to coach her to listen to you and make you feel comfortable continuing to open up. if she makes comments that make you want to shut up, tell her how you feel when she says that, and see if the two of you can create a framework for this relationship to thrive!

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