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Don't want it to end, but scared I am no longer 'in' love

Tagged as: Dating, Faded love, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 August 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 26 August 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I have been with my fiancé for eight years now. I was madly in love with him and I still do love him but I am scared I am no longer 'in' love with him. I have to make a decision about what to do.

We have always had hard things to deal with. Health problems, depression, no money etc. Now I feel I am getting to the point where my life would be easier and happier without him.

I feel so guilty for even thinking it so I can't talk to him about it. We have practically no sex life anymore due to my fiancé's low sex drive as he is on medication for depression. I have a very high sex drive but would never cheat on him. He says he loves me as much as ever where as I feel we are more like friends. It's not the change from when you fall in love to being in love. I felt that change long ago.

I promised him I would never leave him no matter what as I always knew about his health problems but I never thought I would stop being in love.

I feel so trapped. But I want to be in love, passionate and feel that in return. What should I do?

View related questions: money, sex drive, sex life, trapped

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A female reader, aisforacting United States +, writes (26 August 2009):

aisforacting agony auntAh, god. My sister just recently went through the same thing. You may not like the advice I give you now.

I think you should tell your fiancé how you feel. If you honestly can't imagine yourself with him. Move on because someone great could be out there waiting for you.

Goodluck darling!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for the replies to my question. It is so good to know people out there will try and help a stranger.

My fiance and I have always been able to talk about anything but this just seems such a big load to put on him. I think it is really the things that life keeps hitting us with (I am his carer) and not so much our relationship. But we can't control life right?

I am going to try to open up to my partner but mainly work on getting myself sorted out. If I am stronger , happier and more independant then maybe my relationship will be too. If it isn't then I'll just have to let him know I can be the greatest friend he has in life.

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A female reader, linz09 United Kingdom +, writes (24 August 2009):

linz09 agony auntWell its difficult, but you dont seem to be communcating your feelings with him,you really need to sit down and tell him what your telling us as he will just carry on ablivious to feelings and needs.You mentioned he suffered from health problems and depression have you taken on the role of a carer rather than a lover??

Talk to him first before you abandon your relationship and tell him how you feel and discuss what you can do to sort these issues out together, when you feel like this the grass always seems greener on the other side..its not always the case...keep me posted :)

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