A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Soo I feel really stupid here but I don't know what to do.... I was in this FWB things for a couple months we used condoms but had an incident when one broke and 9 weeks later here I am pregnant.Problem is I haven't talked to him since the condom broke... He always told me he never wanted kids so should I tell him or just deal with this by myself? I don't know what to do and I really don't want there to be drama over it. Please help!
View related questions:
condom Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2013): It's not just my fault Bc I got pregnant some of y'all are making it sound like Bc I wasn't on birth control the blame is all on me?? He knew I wasn't on birth control it's not like I was hiding it from him.. But anyways we talked n before I could even say anything he guessed what it was about.. He kinda freaked for a minute but when he calmed down asked me what I am gonna do and said l could get an abortion.. After talking for about 2 hours I finally got through to him that's not something I want to do soooo he said he thinks I should give it up but if I decide to keep it then he's not gonna leave me to do this alone (better response than I expected) so thanks to everyone for the advice and some for the support
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2013): Just remember he did the only thing men can do to prevent pregnancy. If he could have taken a morning-after pill then he might very well have done it. If he could get an abortion then he might elect to do that too. If he could have been taking some kind of male birth control pill then he (and most of the guys I know) might be doing it.
If you choose to keep this pregnancy then IMO it is your choice and your responsibility.
The only other option available to guys is never having sex. (which is like saying "If a woman didn't want to get pregnant then she should have been keeping her legs closed") Its not fair to expect this of any young healthy adult population, male or female.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2013): I can't make your decisions for you, but when I was in your position (with a boyfriend whom I loved and who loved me, but we had only been together 2 months), I had an abortion. I thought I couldn't do it up until the moment I took the pill, but I knew I was doing the right thing for me. But there was huge emotional resistance, and it was hard. As soon as I took the pill, the sense of relief was unbelievable.
Not a moment of regret; please don't believe the fear-mongering that tells you this will always be the case.
The decision is yours to make, but yes, I believe he needs to know. If he is indeed, the "F" part of the "FWB" arrangement, he will be able to have a mature conversation about it.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2013): The birth control I was on got recalled and I just didn't get another one right afterwards I just didn't think it was going to happen I know naïve of me to think but I can take responsibility for my actions.. I've thought about what it'll do to my future and my moms and the dads I don't expect anything from him although I have my hopes and it's not my moms responsibility either I do have a pretty good job right now but it's kicking my butt already just draining me.. Abortion is out for sure I just can't and if I decide to keep it I will find a way to make sure I can support it I'm usually really mature this is just too real ig but we are meeting tonight to talk so thanks for all your advice
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 November 2013):
 Well, IF you decide the have the child I think you should tell him NOW rather then later.
Yes, he didn't want kids, but... there is ALWAYS a chance for pregnancy with sex.
Why you didn't get on BC too, I'm not sure. Because after it all YOUR are the one who END up CARRYING the BABY, GIVING birth and either RAISING it or adopting it out. THAT is a LOT to deal with, specially when this is "just" casual sex.
You still have a few more weeks to make your choice, my advice, GO see your doctor talk about your options and DECIDE for yourself what you want. My guess is he would push for abortion, but if that is not what you want then you shouldn't HAVE to do it.
Here is the thing though, YOU need to realize how much it cost to raise a child and what it TAKES for you to do this ALONE. Yes, you can get child maintenance, but let's face it's a frigging pittance compared to the ACTUAL cost of raising a child.
As for HOW you tell him, call him and ask to met up, that you need to talk to him. DO NOT have any expectation though.
YOU REALLY need to go see your doctor though. IF you decide to have this child you need care.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2013): " it was our mistake for not be more careful", No it was your mistake ,he wore a condom which is all a guy can do. It broke so then it's YOUR responsibility to goand get the morning after pill , which by the way works up to 72 hours later, so there's no excuse. You could have asked him for the money to pay for it.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2013): Why didn't you go get the morning after pill ,I can't believe you'd be so ^^^^^^^ ^^^^^, you can take it up to 72 hours later as well so there's really no excuse.
...............................
A
female
reader, Euphoric29  +, writes (16 November 2013):
Dear OP,
No matter how you put it, there will be drama over this pregnancy. You can't avoid that. There's no "easy way" to bring up this kind of news, just say it, doesn't matter how awkward you say it. Better now than later. Your FWB won't be pleased, your mom.. probably she will be furious.. but you can't wait with this forever.
While I find it very courageous you actually want to have this baby.. have you thought about what this means for your future, for your fwb, for your parents? I don't want to talk you into an abortion, but you are very young and not financially stable. And this child will be around for the next 18-20 years, requiring your care. Have you considered giving it up for adoption? That way, it will live, but it will grow up with people who have the means to bring it up.
I wish you all the best and good energy to go through the next months.
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (16 November 2013):
 Reading your follow up, you don't want an abortion and you're in need of help financially. So arrange to meet the ex and tell him there's something important you have to tell him. He'll no doubt put two and two together before you meet up (unless he's stupid or forgot about the condom breakage), which will make it easier to tell him. There needn't be drama - you're equally responsible for the pregnancy. It was an accident, not an on-purpose.
As for your mum, it won't be easy but she's already suspicious so find a quiet time and just let it out. Let her help you through this. Good luck to you and baby.
...............................
A
female
reader, Brokenv  +, writes (16 November 2013):
Wow! I'm sure you are feeling scared and alone.
Tell him what is going on. He needs to know. Just be prepared to be a single mom if you choose to have this baby.
I wish you all the luck in the World!
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2013): You are pregnant at your age & situation, and the big question that brings you here is "how do I talk to the guy?"
You don't want to be pregnant. He wont want you to be pregnant. I vote to have an abortion right away.
It's a bad option. It will leave you emotionally hurting. You will be questioning the decision years from now. But guess what? There are 3 options now and that is true about all 3 of them. The only good painless option is don't get pregnant and that one isn't open anymore.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 November 2013): I don't know how I feel about any of it.. As far as abortion I can't do it I've thought about it and read into it there's no way.. I didn't particuraly want a baby right now or with him but it was our mistake for not be more careful.. I haven't been to the dr yet other than the health department when I found out I was pregnant I'm wAITING to see if I can get Medicaid to help pay for the visits.. Haven't told my mom yet but I think she might be starting to suspect she's gonna be Soo mad.. And any tips on how to bring it up to the dad? Without just blurting it out
...............................
A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (16 November 2013):
 Talk to him now, it will be better to do it sooner and not later. If you keep the baby he will have to know one day. He might not be happy about it but you can't do much about that. Tell him, give him a chance to take in the information and see how he reacts.
...............................
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (16 November 2013):
 Yes, the legal situation is interesting here. He is liable even if he tried to take precautions. You are not required to claim that liability. Some states will claim the liability if they get involved financially. It would be courteous to let him know before they present him with a claim.
FA
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 November 2013):
 You have the right to an opinion in this as well. He said he didnt want kids, but having sex means you are willing to take the risk. In either case, he said this before he got anyone pregnant. I think he ought to know the situation has changed, just out of curtesy and being adult about this. But regardless of his opinion, you need to make up your own mind. Do you want a child now? With him? And, is abortion an option for you? Have you talked to anyone about this, your doctor for example? If you want to you can write to us here, and tell us more about your feelings and thoughts in all of this. How do you feel right now, and what do you want? You cant depend on him for anything, he is not your boyfriend or even friend. If he supports you in any way take it as a bonus.
...............................
|
