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male
,
anonymous
writes: Dear Cupid,I'm in a tough situation. My ex gf broke up with me 1 and a 1/2 years ago after a short 6 month relationship(I became an alcholic, and a different person) and for the next six months we were "friends" (but always fighting, I was drinking and lying about it etc). It was mostly my fault (still hurting), but it ended finally with her saying she never wants to speak to me again and thats when it hit me I had to change.Before that we use to talk everyday until she went abroad and I didnt get in touch with her for that month. When she came back she had completely changed her attitude towards me (didnt seem to care anymore). For example I was mugged and beat up by thugs and she asked why I called her when I was in pain and not another friend? That really hurt.I did make an effort to invite her to my birthday 3 months later and I got no reply to my letter. I then called her at a home (on my bday to ask why she didnt reply) and she was extremely upset and asked me to stop stalking her and was slightly abusive. She then did reply to an email after I apologised for calling her at home and said she would call me. But the call never came and so two weeks later I tried and I got the same, "I need to move on, please dont contact me again". Maybe one of her friends adviced her not to get involved again?To make matters worse by chance I saw her on the tube a month ago in London, but I was speechless. The one chance I could have spoken to her, I just ran away. I emailed her to apologise if I came across as rude, but I got no reply. My dilemma is now, we started of as best friends and now I'm no longer an alcholic and I've changed so much and I really believe the friendship which I miss is viable. I was thinking of inviting her to my bday in 4 months via email one last time and explaining how things are different now, because I know she wont regret meeting the new me. Will this count as stalking? I did betray her trust a lot in the past and it haunts me everyday that I cant make things right. I dont really want to get back with her, for now, in a romantic sense but I want that element of friendship back. It's hard not being able to ask someone you care about so much, how life is and offer a helping hand. Its even harder when things ended on such a horrible note.Should I send the birthday invite one last time and risk rejection? Is it stalking? In all honesty I dont believe she will reply because she is stubborn, but I feel I will regret it if I dont try and tell her how I feel. But I guess I tried that a year ago.. Does time really heal all wounds? Please advice me what to do.
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best friend, broke up, ex girlfriend, move on, my ex, stalking Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lemonpixie  +, writes (3 November 2006):
 It's a very nice poem! BRAVO BRAVO! And kudos for beginning to move on!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionoh and one last thing.. heres a poem I wrote for MYSELF only lol
"Like ice we began, water flowing through my hand,
I let you escape, God had another plan.
When we stepped in the airport, a silent tear in my eye,
I knew this would be.. the end of our time.
My heart on fire, my lips sealed close,
I waited for you, but I knew it was no more.
My life conceited, destiny defeated,
punished and humiliated, I began to walk the shore.
In my dream you came to me, like an angel you smiled,
Happy and beautiful, I wished you well.
I looked deep in your eyes and with great resent,
I realised we were never have meant to met.
A touch so gentle, feelings so brittle,
spirit so fragile, what was I thinking?
Intoxicated by you, I forgot who I was,
Let bygones be bygones I need to move on.
Like a comet in the sky, may God take me high,
Shower her with blessings and bring the angels by.
Peace for her and peace for me,
This is it, im saying goodbye."
And with that personal note.. I'm going to find the strength to get on with life because this has haunted me long enough. One last thank you to you guys!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey thanks to everyone for the honest replies and opinions.. I think you guys are right.. time I faced the facts and let go! It's not meant to be.
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A
male
reader, davie  +, writes (2 November 2006):
I think it is time to call it quits. It sounds like she has made it very clear she wants to move on, and you should do the same. Although you miss her, even just as a friend, it is time to move on and find someone else.
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A
female
reader, Lemonpixie +, writes (2 November 2006):
Let her go. I was this girl you speak of. I had a boyfriend who I had to leave because he was too needy, he kept trying to convince me he had changed but the way he tried to convey it was incessant emails, phone calls and the lot... that to me shows desperation... which is exactly what i had left him for.
If you ever want the chance to be friends again... which may not be possible, stop calling, emailing or having any contact. Move on find a new girl... and if by chance you run into her in a few years she won't be so weirded out by you because she'll have know you moved on. Right now you've shown your hand fully and completely wheres the mystery and intrigue in that? Just play it cool move on and maybe she'll hear through friends how great your doing. Don't stalk her just to say "Hey I'm great!!!!" Because she'll know it's not true.
I hope it all works out for the best
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A
reader, I Dont Lie + ♥, writes (2 November 2006):
 Mate, lets put it this way, theres no need to send her the email, if she still likes you, she will remember your brithday and she will call you. But I really doubt she will. So sending her that email and contacting her about the brithday party isnt going to impress her. In fact, if I may say so, I think she will go all ballistic on you. It will just reinforce her thinking that you really are a stalker!! Take the advices from everyone here whos asking you to leave her be, move on (its not an option as you're pushing her away everytime you contact her) and get on with it!! You screwed up the possiblity of being even friends with her back then when you pressured her constantly. And if you keep making the same mistakes, Im afraid its the cops you've gotta deal with next! So, leave her be and let her make the first contact, if she so wishes. If not, still LET HER BE!! I hope you'll be alright matey!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2006): I think you should send her one last e-mail, explaining how youve changed and how much you would value her friendship again.say " Id like to invite you to my birthday etc its up to you whether you want to come or not.Its up to you whether you want to give me a chance to prove ive changed" If notthen its her loss, and just leave it. If its ment to be fate will happen.But be straight forward with her,and make it clear its just friends you want.Dont forget to say sorry about the past and explain life moves on,then on your part you havnt finished it on bad terms. Good luck! Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, Dr Pete  + ♥, writes (2 November 2006):
 I'm afraid I agree with David 100%. You need to let this girl go and let her get on with her life, and you need to do the same. Learn from the mistakes you made, and from what happened, so when you meet someone new, in the future, you can make sure it doesn't happen again.
I do honestly think if you pursue this girl, she will end up hating you. I doubt you will ever, ever be friends. It's unlikely for most couples that split up, but in situations such as yours - impossible.
I think you need to forgive yourself for the things that you did wrong, that is your key for you being able to let go, and being able to move on, guilt is controlling you right now. Forgive yourself. Put the past in the past and concentrate on your future.
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A
female
reader, SERENE  +, writes (2 November 2006):
God, its hard to let go of someone once you start caring. Its something thats so difficult to let go off, especially when you feel the way you do. She is most probably ignoring you cos she certainly doesn't feel the same way you do. Your heart is torn into two, but its best to let go. When you push and put pressure on someone who doesn't feel the same way, you are pushing them further away. What if she doesn't repond to your invite again.I know its difficult, cos Iv'e been there, but believe me, it's best to let sleeping dogs lie. I don't think you are stalking, I think you don't want to admit its 'over'
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A
male
reader, David Lewis +, writes (2 November 2006):
 I think you really do need to let go of this girl. You are in serious danger of becoming a stalker. If you really do care for this girl, let her go.
She is still hurting, but you are not meking things easier for her at all.
If there is a possibility of anything ever happening between you both, it must be her who makes the first move.
Forget about sending ANY invites or messages at all. Just leave her alone and let her see for herself that you have realised how she feels and respect her wishes.
Best of luck.
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