A
female
age
18-21,
Mollui
writes:Up until five months ago I had a strictly platonic relationship with one of my best male friends. Then one night, we got drunk together and ended up having sex, which we continue to do regularly. However, we hide this fact from our group of mutual friends. I can't define what exactly I feel for him, as I said before we once had platonic friendship, but now we have friendship WITH sex - but we aren't "going out", so I don't know what exactly we have. I suppose I'm scared of trying to make a proper go of it in case I mistook my affection for my friend and my fondness for having sex with him for love, where there was only really lust, which of course fades. There's also the fact that we may just find it so thrilling because it's a secret relationship. I guess my question is, does this sound like it could be love, and the basis for a lasting relationship, at all?
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female
reader, Lottie_Lottie +, writes (30 December 2007):
From an outsider's point of view, and without knowing many details of your friendship with this person, I must say it doesn't sound like the basis for a lasting relationship, sorry.
Why is this a secret thing? Would anyone disapprove or get hurt if it were common knowledge? If you are good friends can't you simply talk about the situation and find out what each of you feels about the other? It's never a good idea to become physically intimate with someone before being emotionally intimate... unless it's just 'no strings fun'... but it sounds to me like you are developing feelings for this person, so before you fall too deep, take a step back and review the situation.
You probably know the answer yourself deep down. It could turn out bad, if you start to feel used you could begin to resent the person and ultimately lose or sour the friendship. If you can't talk to this guy then I guess it's nothing more than a physical fling. Try not to get hurt in the process.
Perhaps you could test the waters with him by saying that someone else has shown an interest in dating you... see what his reaction is... whether he encourages you to date someone else or whether he appears jealous and worried...? If nothing else it could start a conversation about what's going on with the two of you. Good luck x
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