A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:This boy who ive known since seventh grade wants to have sex with me. We are both virgins, he's really mature and practical but I'm idealistic and emotional. When I first met him in seventh grade, I had a crush on him. So I actually liked him. Ever since then we would message each other about sex and what he wanted from me. But I never really liked it, I only did it for him. We are now in our junior year of high school, and this summer hes been texting me of how ever since he met me, he's always wanted to have sex with me. I don't know why!! He says when he looked into my eyes that's what he thought of:/ I don't really see that as a positive. But all of these years we've never had sex, we never kissed, I only remember sending photos and only twice have we only touched each other. Ive been trying to have normal conversations without sex involved, and we have, Ive been asking him what's his favorite color etc. Stuff like that. He agrees with me that we should not just talk about sex so it won't become awkward between us. I have him in my German class, and I sometimes feel awkward when we look at each other. Also, I just turned 17, and he's about to turn 16. I feel really weird about how he's younger than I. I feel pressured, and sort of guilty for leading him on, he want to have sex this summer, but I always made up excuses. I finally told him that I wanted to wait until I was married. He told me that he respected that. And that he won't ask me for anything referring to sex. When he said that, I felt happy but then guilty for making him wait. And I didn't know if that meant he won't talk to me at all. He then told me that i can text him whenever i wanted or needed to talk about anything...... Im so confised!!! He said he wants me to be his first. He tells me that there will be no hard feelings after.... I don't think he understands that. He asked me if I felt anything sexually or romantically between us... What does that mean??? Im kind of hoping maybe he will become interested in me other than sex.. Should I make him wait longer? Or should we just forget it all together?? Does this person actually like me other than sex.... Maybe??? We joke around a lot and laugh, we personally never hung out as friends/ I don't know If he considers me as a friend either. Should I have him hangout with me a couple of times..? Because I don't want anything awkward between us.. Is there any chance of making him want me other than wanting sex with me..?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 August 2011):
 You need to stop being so overly worried as you're allowing any guy to take advantage of you if you're going to be sad about "misleading" them. Guy's take advantage of that weakness, so for your own protection stop worrying about hurting them. You aren't. You aren't forcing anything on him, you aren't leading him on, and he's a big boy and can take care of himself.
That question he asked, no it doesn't mean he wants more, it means all he wants is sex from you. He just asked if you also want sex with him.
Do you? Do YOU want sex with him, or are you willing to do it because he "wants it so much" and you feel bad for him? Don't let him bully you into it. Don't guilt-trip yourself for no reason.
If you want a relationship first and see if you feel ok being with him, just say it. Tell him. It's not forcing anything on him, he's got the option to say "no". You can't force a man into a relationship, so do not for a second worry that you are forcing anything on him. For pete's sake, he's been trying to force sex on you, so stop treating him like he's made out of glass. Speak you mind and do what YOU want, if he's not up for it then he can go find some other woman to be his f¤ck buddy.
Yes, so far it appears all he wants is sex. If you want more, talk to him. And please please stop acting like you're a bad girl who's mislead him and is nagging or asking too much, you've done absolutely nothing wrong and he's old enough to face a rejection.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionChigirl, I have told him about waiting until marriage, and he's fine with that.... What does it mean if he asks me "do you feel anything sexually or romantically between us..?" is this question basically a sign that he might somewhat want me more than just sex??(:
Also, he does agree with talking/ hanging out, but I guess I just can't figure out how to get him.... I don't want to force anything on him, I just want to be liked for more important reasons- but we will probably only be fxck buddies.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2011): This is no different from any other situation with guys. If you don't want to just get used for free sex, then demand a real relationship with him before sleeping with him. Make him wait a while after the relationship starts before you finally do it.
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A
female
reader, bunnyblueeyes  +, writes (19 August 2011):
 Why don't you ask him if he would like to go on a date with you. Spend some time with each other and get to know one another. You're both very young and you shouldn't rush in to anything or so things that make you uncomfortable.
Don't feel guilty about not being ready, If he really does like you he won't mind waiting for you.
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A
female
reader, halu +, writes (19 August 2011):
 i'm sorry but he's a teenager, every teenage boy i know have their brains in their balls, meaning they only think of sex. i agree with chi girl, if you want something more serious you will have to wait for him to grow up. either that or focus your attention elsewhere.
you shouldn't feel like you have to do anything for him, if you do then he's not someone you should be considering having sex with.
it sounds like there is potential for a very good friendship anyway so even if you decide not to have sex with him it sounds like there is a very good opportunity for you to have a good friend out of it anyway :)
but please don't try and base a relationship on the thought that you can change someone into wanting something else, even if it does work it will be at best temporary and neither of you will be completely happy. you will be worrying that he will revert back to his old ways and he will be trying to be what you want him to be. no one wins
anyway enough of my *slight* ranting..
i'm sorry i can't be of much more help, just do what you feel is what you want, not what anyone else wants or expects you to do :)
all the best
halu xx
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (19 August 2011):
He's a teenage boy, they think about sex constantly. If you want him for something else other than that you'll have to wait for him to grow up. Don't feel pressured or like you are leading him on, you have not led him on. He's the one who's been adding pressure to you, and you said no, and he backed off, so do not feel bad about it. You have all rights to decide what you want to do with your body, no one else gets to tell you what to do with it. So if you say no, don't feel bad for him, because you are well within your rights to do whatever you please with YOUR body.
If you want more from him, try to tell him this. You appear to have a connection, he said to keep in touch and to text him/call him when you want to talk about things. So tell him you want to talk, and then say that you're looking for something more than just sex with someone. Tell him you said you wanted to wait until marriage to get him to back off a bit, because he was coming on too strongly. But that what you actually want is a relationship where there are feelings involved, and something serious. Talk about it, and see how he stands. Tell him you want to get to know him better, and for him to get to know you in a non sexual way. If he agrees, then maybe he's interested in you as a person and not just sex.
If he doesn't agree... then no worries. A boy who only cares about sex is definitely not someone you need in your life.
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