A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Does this older man have a thing for me? I know him through work but don't work directly with him, he is always and am not paranoid others have noticed that he always stares at me, when i chat to him i try and be professional and to be fair so does he but his eyes go everywhere apart from my face. I kinda like him back but am nervous to show him incase and wrong, so i give him no signals to the point of ignoring him unless i need to speak to him, but he always made an effort untill today he walked right past me, honestly i don't know how to show him i do like him. Or want to get to know him more,help please btw am in my 20s and he is 40 big gap.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (23 June 2014):
 If he's single and you are single and there is no rule about dating co-workers (and you are willing to risk a job situation to get laid) then I think you can go for it since YOU LIKE HIM.
IF He is married or partnered then there is nothing you can or should do.
If you can't date co-workers (and I think you should not it rarely works out well) then there is nothing you can or should do other than keep it professional
and if he's married/partnered then how YOU feel is moot since he is NOT available.
in this case IMO age is not a factor. it's the other issues that are a concern.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2014): "Midlife crisis" - a derogatory term used to describe a middle-aged man who finally starts buying the things he has spent the last 20 years wanting & working for.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (20 June 2014):
 Hi,
I would advice any young woman against getting involved with an older man in the workplace.
One thing you learn with experience and age is that in every office, or every workplace, there is at least one middle aged guy chasing any young woman he can get. There is always someone with, shall we say, a reputation. Men in their 40s or 50s who flirt with young women like yourself because of some or all of the following reasons:
- They seek an ego boost, and want to show off that they can still pull a young, attractive woman. In which case you are their simply to make them feel less insecure and stroke their ego.
- They are in the classic mid life crisis mind-set of not dealing well with middle age and wanting to cling to their youth by, for example, buying a sports car or sleeping with a hot young body. Usually this occurs when married and with kids involved.
- They want to use you for sex as you are young and attractive, often behind their partners backs.
- They have tried it on/succeeded in bedding many young women at work as they cant keep it in their trousers. This happens surprisingly often as they use their age, experience and/or position in the workplace to attract younger women to use them for sex. Men in senior or management positions do surprisingly well at seducing younger staff in my experience.
Do you know if this man is married? Or has a partner? If he has then he is off limits. The last thing you need is to get involved with someone who is in a relationship with someone else, especially when you work in the same workplace. That would be like pulling the pin from a hand grenade and holding to your check...it will blow up in your face. If he is married he isn't going to leave his wife for someone half his age. You would be his bit on the side. His young bit of stuff to use for sex while his wife's back is turned and his kids are not looking.
If he is single, and I don't mean in the "my wife doesn't understand"/"we stay together for the kids" bullshit married men tell young women to make it seem okay that they are married, I mean properly single, where is it going to go? You are in your early twenties, he is a middle aged man of 40 something. You are both at two very different stages of life. What you both want from life, relationships and so on is going to be totally different. To be blunt OP I am 36 and I would see someone your age as still being quite young. Neither I, nor anyone I know who is my age or older, would date someone age 22-25 as we all appreciate, with the greatest of respect, how young we were at that age. So if this guy is in his 40s, why would he be interested in a girl on 20 something if its wasn't just sex or an ego boost?
Getting involved with anyone you work with can be a problem. Chances are, if you did do anything together, it wouldn't last long. The age gap between you is huge, physical attraction is one thing, having mutual interests and the same out look quite another. So if you did get used for sex, or found him to be just an older guy looking for an ego boost and a young woman to hang off his arm, then what? You would have to face him at work and know he may well boast to his co-workers that he got you into bed. I've seen so many kind, pleasant, nice young women end up in a bad situation at work because they fell for the older guy everyone knew cant keep it in his trousers and every body finds out and the poor women ends up humiliated. Meanwhile the older guy gets a pat on the back from his middle aged coworkers who think he is cool for bedding a younger woman. Not nice!
It can be flattering when we are young to have an older person flirt and take us seriously. Being young in he workplace sometimes means being taken less seriously, being talked down to, having to do the less responsible jobs and sometimes being treated like a kid. So when an older, more experienced guy comes alone, especially one in a senior position, and acts out the routine of taken us seriously, being impressed by our work and making us feel special, it can cloud our judgement. Also if his is eyeing you up and looking at your figure in a suggestive manner then that is inappropriate and unprofessional, it also says a lot about him. Its one thing to flirt and make it clear you like someone in the work place, another to stare and look at their chest!
Mark
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 June 2014):
 Is he married? Maybe that is something you should consider before getting too flirty.
Though honestly, I ALWAYS advice people to NOT shit where they eat. Which means, don't romance co-workers.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 June 2014):
 The only way to find out is to be patient and continue to observe him. Many people have trouble making eye contact so that's not a good indicator.
What sort of workplace are you in?
Is dating in the workplace acceptable practice?
Is it possible he's involved or married?
Is this your first work crush?
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