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Does she feel the same way for me.. that I do for her? Help me figure this out!

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Question - (30 November 2005) 8 Answers - (Newest, 7 May 2009)
A male , *hoenix writes:

This is so tricky, I don't know what to do!

(Sorry this is so long, but it's a complicated mess I'm in!)

My best friend and I have been friends longer than I could ever remember (my parents say it has been since we were both two), and we both care for each other a lot. In the three years of high school, one could say that I developed quite an attraction towards her, she was ALWAYS on my mind through that time. However, I never knew if she felt the same way towards me.

Fast-foward to spring of our senior year, when we went on the class trip to Disney, and she asked me to slow-dance with her TWICE, on the two days that we all went to dances. These were two of the happiest days I've had, as I was sure that she felt the same way about me as I did her. For the next several weeks, I gave her lots of attention (but I was still terrified of asking her out), but things were still going awesome.

Sometime in April, it was time for all the guys to start asking girls out to the senior prom, and even though I was still very very terrified of rejection, I went for it anyway. And she said yes! For the next several days, I was in pure bliss. I didn't notice until later, though, that she seemed to be avoiding me a bit...

The following week, she turned to me and told me that she would not be able to go to the prom with me, as she promised a friend of her's last year that she would go with him. Needless to say, I was pretty crushed. I didn't understand where I went wrong, and I tried to get help from my friends. One of my friends knew the guy that she promised to, and told me that he already had a girlfriend! A couple days later, I approached her about it (I was not mean at all, I never was bitter to her through this), and she told me that she thought earlier that his girlfriend would be OK with it, but not anymore. However, she said that she thought I already had another date for the prom (how she would have gotten this idea I still have NO clue!), and she said yes to the next person who asked her.

Now, I was really confused, I had no idea what she wanted, and for the next month she barely talked to me. I believed I lost my chance, and I kind of went into depression for a little bit. Near the very end of the school year, another girl (who I was attracted to) asked me out, and we had a pretty good relationship for about five months, where it just crashed. Note, this was not a sexual relationship (even thought it was very tempting at times!), as I believe abstinence until marriage is the best way to go.

So, anyway, last month, when my ex gf broke up with me for another guy, I didn't know what to do, I cried a lot. I knew I needed comfort, but after graduating, nearly all my friends just drifted away. Only one person came to mind to talk to, to help comfort me...

I IM'd her again, after only talking to her a few times since graduation, but I didn't tell her what happened right away, as it turned out that she needed some major comforting to, which I was more than happy to give her :). After telling her what happened, she told me how sorry she was for what happened with the prom last year, I forgave her (very easily, actually), and she told me that whenever I want someone to talk to, I could talk to her. Since that night, I have talked to her nearly every day, often many hours on end, usually going past 1:00-2:00 AM. She certainly has helped me feel a lot better, but more importantly...


I quickly discovered that my feelings for her never went away, I just suppressed them for several months. I guess crushes that last years, take a little bit more to go away :). I LOVE talking to her, it's the one thing I look forward to every day. My attraction to her has come back completely, and I am back to thinking about her all the time, and I'm loving it! But now I'm back to the question... how does she feel about me? I'm starting to feel that she is giving some hints, but I NEED to make sure that I am not misinterpreting her actions, so the thing with the prom doesn't happen all over again.

Soon after starting to talk to her every day, she suggested that we go out on Thanksgiving break, just me and her. Actually, it was a bit more than suggesting hehe, it was more like "What kind of things do you want to do when we go out the week of Thanksgiving?" (note: this would have been the first time ever me and her ever went on a date). Of course, I agreed, and come Nov 26, we spent the day together, and I had such a great time! I think about her more now than I had been before! I'm not sure, though, if she was thinking of this to be just a day out between friends, or if it was more than that. At the end, she gave me a nice tight hug, which I must say I really enjoyed ^_^. And then, she said something to the effect of, "when we go out after I come home for winter break...", and then told me how she wanted to maybe go out and see Narnia, and then afterwards going back to her house and watching a movie or two there... I can't wait! :-D

I so, so wish that I knew that she felt the same way as I do about her. Advice please! I'm too shy and terrified to do anything!

View related questions: best friend, broke up, crush, ex girlfriend, my ex, shy

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A male reader, SEASON United States +, writes (7 May 2009):

I totally understand where you're coming from and it doesn't get any easier with age. I'm in a similar situation except alot more complicated. I wanna tell you to just go for it because all the signs seem to be there. Then again, I understand why you haven't also. Everyone is scared of rejection when it comes to someone they really care about. I've never let the idea of rejection deter me before this girl. I just lied to myself like I didn't care. Sounds stupid I know but it worked for me. I've had meaningless relationships in the past and have been labeled a player etc. Now like you I find myself feeling for someone I've known all along. She knows all my faults and still accepts me as a friend. Now I want more and I'm scared I'm going to lose her friendship. I hope things work out between you guys so that I can have hope. Just don't let the moment pass you by cause I understand where you're coming from about her making you happy when she's not even there. Just the thought of her gives you a natural high.

good luck,


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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2009):

I am in a very similar situation. I love this girl but I don't know how she feels. Although I am still a teen, the feelings I feel are astonishing. It feels like I could never feel like this about anybody else. But I'm pretty sure she doesn't feel the same way. I'm so confused.

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A male reader, eagleray92 United States +, writes (22 October 2008):

yeah, dude, I'm kinda in a similar spot. I do have one tip though I'm too scared to do it myself. If you're ever sure that she likes you, and you don't know how to ask her out, and she doesn't know how to either, and you're really sure about it, as this could make you or hurt you, when yo hug each other, try giving her a kiss on the cheek. then kinda appologize, and she might say oh no, i don't reallymind, or something like that, make your move, and kiss her. I don't really know how this will turn out, as I'm in a similar spot and never had a girlfriend. I'd try asking someone if they would do what i just told you.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2007):

i have a the same problem im really hurtin over it cos i have no one to turn to. the difference is the person who im in love with is my boyfriends mate who i known for a wile and we have bin great mates until we got passionate. love is so confusing and i cant stop crying over this guy. want my heart to stop breaking. cos this guy has met this girl who i think he is going with cos he's desperate and i thought my feelings for him had gone but relised they hadnt cos when i heard that he had a new woman on the scene i felt like i wanted to die and now im stuck in between i just need someone to help me and tell me what they think i shud do.

ive never relly felt this kinda love for anyone.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2007):

Reading your letter sounds so much like my life!

Sounds like you have these feelings which is love, which you cant mistake for anything else. See the way i see it is that to be really honest you have to tell her how you feel! Or if you prefer to first, say things like 'i wish i could end up with a woman like you'. See what she says. I have tryed to see if this woman i 'love' feels the same to. I understand what you mean about feeling so good just to talk to hear every day. The bottom line is if you tell her your feelings your then know for sure how she feels! At the moment your probably more scared of the fact that if you new she didnt feel the same then you loose that fantasy that she dose which makes you so happy! Hard fact but true. In the end if she isn't interested in you in that way then one day down the line your going to feel so hurt when she dose find someone else. So i believe the best thing to do is just tell her now. You may be a little hurt if she dosen't want to know but you will be more hurt pretending to your self that she dose.

Any how there is a great possability that she will feel the same. Then you both can be happy together!

I wish you both the very best off luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2006):

hey. i have a very similar problem and have had in the past before. i learned from my previous mistakes that telling her how i felt about her was the wrong thing to do, as we are no longer friends. the second girl, who i now have feelings for has almost filled the vacancy that the loss of my first friend had left (though we've been very close friends for years). we share everything between us, except the way i feel about her. on top of that, im almost positive that she feels the same way about me, but at the risk of losing such a special friendship again; i cant tell her how i feel.

i know that this story is pretty much irrelevant, but i hope you find this useful. personally i would say it depends what you want out of a relationship with her, and that if you decide to tell her how you feel, phrase it in a way which she won't find intimidating, and let her know that if she doesn't recipricate the feeling, that you are perfectly happy staying as you currently are, and just that as there are no secrets between you, you felt that she should know

i hope this helps you mate. good luck :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 November 2005):

I think you have known each other long enough to be completely honest with each other so just ask her but at the same time be careful as i am sure you don't want to risk losing her as a friend,so choose your words correctly and wisely.Good luck, hope it all works out for you.

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A female reader, justene24_7 +, writes (30 November 2005):

Dude, she likes you! Just be careful not to get hurt. The best thing you could do is just ask her straight out! At least that way you can know for sure. You may lose your chance again otherwise

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