A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Do one's perceptions of their partner's attractiveness become altered by actively engaging in pornography?Would it be possible to remain sexually attracted to your partner considering that the individuals portrayed in pornography are, for the most part, flawless/perfect?If one does in fact remain attracted, is it because of the shared emotional connection and not at all the physical appearance? Perhaps other reasons?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, HonningKanin. :) Anonymous male- I don't agree with that notion. Engaging in porn is not solely a masculine trait, women also engage in it. Being labeled immature really only resides in one's own person.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2009): Masculinity is immature by definition these days.
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (1 November 2009):
 Yep, but then again there are no certanties in life except death and taxes. For the rest you need trust. If you have a worry, what you need to do is talk to your partner. Only they can truly set your mind at rest as to their reasons. If their answer is still not enough for you then thats a trust issue in your relationship you have to explore.
Either he wants to be with you or he doesn't. If he is honest with you and no barriers in communication that should be made abundantly clear. I dont personally see the point in worrying about your partners affection or attention as it could just distract you from enjoying the relationship.
HonningKanin
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Thank you all again. :)
Katyayani: Yeah, you're right, makes sense.
Illithid: Thank you for clearing that up. I'm sorry, I hope that you are doing well.
Honningkanin: Thank you for your points; however, it seems as if there really is no way of explaining it for certain. I just worry over exact opposites, that sort of thing troubles me.
Thanks for looking into Yos' link. :)
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin +, writes (30 October 2009):
Hey there,
Q)HonningKanin, what if the preference greatly varies from one's partner? Wouldn't that suggest that your partner doesn't find you appealing?
A)No. If you happen to be with a brunnette, but you are also attracted to blondes, it doesn't mean you aren't attracted to brunnettes. Having a varried taste means just that. If your partners porn doesn't happen to resemble you what you are like doesn't mean he is not attracted to you. He may like the porn for a number of different reasons like the actual content rather than the girl. Some people have favourite pieces of porn because of the positions, actions or believability. And then there are some people who need porn to be a complete fantasy. Something that bares no resemblence to real life what so ever. A healthy mind should be allowed to endulge in their fantasies and return to reality with different actual tastes.
Alot of my porn consists of Gay porn. I dont actually want my husband to sleep with another man and I dont particularly watch it for the men. If I met a guy like the men in the porns I would actually find it unappealing. They are monsterously built. But for some reason I cant watch my prefernce of men in gay porns. It just doesn't do it for me. Possibly because it is too much like my partner for me to desire. I dont know.
Plus I in regards to Yos's link he gave you, I have am still reading all the citations that are linked and I can tell you the first citation is used rather ambiguously and dishonestly in my opinion. It actually makes no mention of pornography in that study and suggests it was. Its reference to men finding their partners unattractive was also recognised to be a factor of reasons rather than just looking at attractive women. Made notable was the fact that they already saw flaws in their partner and the women he was looking at were available and attainable rather than any mention of fantasy.
I am still examining.
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A
female
reader, katyayni  + ♥, writes (30 October 2009):
 Hi
Agree with you illithid. In the long run (and I don't recognize any association as a relationship until it has gone on for at least three months)... there is little either of the partners can do to 'keep' the other interested/loving etc or the exact opposite of it. At the end of the day it all depends upon them!
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A
male
reader, Illithid + ♥, writes (30 October 2009):
 I didn't leave her regardless of inattention to her appearance. She left me for another (and older) man and didn't tell me why she left. I had to find out through a mutual friend. Nonetheless, I still miss her on some level.
It's possible that if she paid more attention to ME, I might not have turned to porn, at least not as much. I would regularly spend anywhere from 30 to 60 minutes providing oral for her (and several good orgasms) and then she'd roll over and fall asleep without even saying thanks, much less caring if I was horny or maybe wanted something in return. So yeah, I went home frustrated and horny and feeling unloved and that DID lead to some porn, but I've had a problem with porn even when single, or even when I was happy with her. For me, it's always been something that I turn to when depressed or overly tired and somewhat bored. When I'm feeling happy and fulfilled, I don't turn to porn. Other men may vary in this.
But you're right. She HAD thongs and I saw her in one once in three years. She had several two piece swimsuits but refused to wear anything but one piece swimsuits around me. She had corsets and lacy things, but almost all I got to see were sports bras and plain white panties. I know she was embarrassed of her body (thin but not hollywood-thin), but it made me feel like she was keeping me at arm's length (made worse because of the paragraph above). That DID make me porn MORE, but I think I would have anyway. But I always felt like dirt about it, and I confessed it to her. (She gave me permission to, as it happens.)
Butting into Katyayni's reply, some prefer it to their partner because there are other issues either in the relationship or in that man's mind besides just what you see on the surface. Even without porn, he could be screwed up just the same for other reasons.
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A
female
reader, katyayni + ♥, writes (30 October 2009):
Hi
I think that some prefer it to their partner because they are immature. Would a mature person go around languishing after a porn star, who has nothing except silicone augmented breasts, a lot of moans and some suspiciously choreographed sex to offer... instead of sharing god knows how many intimate moments with a real live breathing woman?
I don't think that all men are pigs. In fact I know that for a fact. Don't be too hasty to buy into the whole rumor that men only want that one thing and that they are completely impervious to all else. Sure they are such men, but they usually are advised to see a therapist... and women are told to stay away from them. Go through the archives... there are too many examples here and too many points of view to help satisfy your query.
Love :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for you personal input. :)I agree with you, quiet-echo regarding your bit about a good personality enhancing looks.I have a question for Illithid: Had your ex put more effort into her looks, pleasing you, etc. would you have remained with her? In addition, would that have appeased you enough so as to not engage in pornography?Katyayni, I understand your point; however, if pornography is no match, why is that some prefer it to their partner?HonningKanin, what if the preference greatly varies from one's partner? Wouldn't that suggest that your partner doesn't find you appealing?Yos, what was the deviation in that study?Natmarie, thank you for being honest. I'll keep that in mind if I decide to.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): i see nothing wrong with porn. i watch it and im still attracted to my guy as he is to me. porn should not take away what you like about your partner.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): i see nothing wrong with porn. i watch it and im still attracted to my guy as he is to me. porn should not take away what you like about your partner.
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A
female
reader, natmarie  + ♥, writes (29 October 2009):
Yes. Limit yourself to watching it once every three months, and view it in the same way you would play play station.. basically as lesuire time. The thing is with Porn ( not that I have anything against it, it's fun now and then... ) is that it doens;t show consequences, or show that people have feelings, or shaped personalities and can, over time if watched to much, give you a warped view of human sexuality and emotions. I know, because it happened to me and my ex. I was the one watching it all the time, and it put me off him. XXX
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A
male
reader, Yos  + ♥, writes (29 October 2009):
 Numerous experiments have been run demonstrating that men who have recently watched porn (or video of attractive + sexually available women) view their partners as less desirable that men who haven't.
So unfortunately, the answer is yes. It's called 'the contrast effect' and is well established.
You could always watch amateur porn I suppose :)
http://pornographyinmarriage101.blogspot.com/2008/08/can-porn-make-your-wife-unattractive.html
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin +, writes (29 October 2009):
Do one's perceptions of their partner's attractiveness become altered by actively engaging in pornography?
Some peoples perception may change and they may not at all. Some people have porn that already caters to thier perception of attractiveness. I find my husbands consists of a lot of latin women who use very little make up. (I happen to be a latin woman who doesn't use make up at all.)Most of the time however its just about watching people engage in sex which will stimulate you visually and allow you to super impose your partner in those positions with you.
Would it be possible to remain sexually attracted to your partner considering that the individuals portrayed in pornography are, for the most part, flawless/perfect?
A sign of a healthy mind is the ability to distinguish fantasy from reality. Same goes for the people in normal movies or models in magazines.
If one does in fact remain attracted, is it because of the shared emotional connection and not at all the physical appearance? Perhaps other reasons?
Replace porn with a model in a magazine. They aren't real in the sense that they are not the norm. Partners who indulge in porn can still be physically attracted to their partner and emotionally attached. I dont have the perfect body, my husband watches porn, but he is still aroused when I get naked. Its pretty much down to preference.
HonningKanin
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2009): Do you lose all attraction to your BF after seeing a romantic comedy starring your favorite male hottie actor?
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A
female
reader, katyayni + ♥, writes (29 October 2009):
I totally agree with illithid. It is the woman that take porn more seriously. I watched a few to understand why my man watched it and realized that all these women look the same, dress up the same way and are machine-like in their approach. Also, each porn film kind of is the same thing... and one shouldn't take it seriously. They are no match to a real woman. Just like illithid says here.
So, hope that answers your query.
Love :)
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A
male
reader, Illithid + ♥, writes (29 October 2009):
While I'm tempted to say that porn does make a man's partner look less attractive (like the opposite of how a man released from prison is happy to have ANY woman), it's not the same looking at a pornstar as it is being in bed with a girlfriend/wife.
I've had a problem with porn for as long as I can remember. (Actually, to my shame, I have some open in another window.) But somehow porn doesn't even keep me aroused most of the time, sometimes it simply doesn't get me up at all because it's always the same and every girl looks mostly alike. But with I was with my ex a few months ago, even though she'd gained 30 lbs (on a 5'1" frame) and NEVER put effort into her appearance (granny panties, large tshirts, and infrequent shaving), she turned me on more than any porn ever did. A real, live, breathing girl in the room with me, especially one that I was madly in love with (we were engaged), beat anything porn had to offer. Even after providing oral for her and getting literally NOTHING in return (even so much as a "thank you"), I still found her sexier than the porn stars I went home to relieve blueballs to.
So imagine how men feel about women that actually reciprocate sexually and give their men pleasure! Or imagine how men feel when they see girlfriends in lingerie! If you take ANY pride in your body, or put ANY effort into making your man happy in bed, you'll beat out porn like a steak dinner beats a McDonald's burger. Porn is fluff, meaningless and stupid entertainment that's no more a substitute for a real relationship than a chick flick is a substitute for a real kiss.
It IS the emotional connection. I thought my ex was about a 6 when I met her. But as she gained weight and let herself go and stopped dressing to impress, I nonetheless built her up in my mind as the most beautiful woman alive, and I meant it. I honestly did lust after her more than any other woman I've ever seen, because I loved her... even though I still saw porn from time to time in moments of weakness.
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A
female
reader, quiet-echo  + ♥, writes (29 October 2009):
 1. Not that I have ever heard of or experienced.
2. Most definitely. One can become desensitized to the 'perfect' porn stars. They all tend to look alike after a while. And most people watching porn don't look like porn stars themselves.
3. Emotional connection is a big part of it. Even an average looking person seems more attractive if we like them than if we don't. A good personality enhances looks in that way. It also depends upon the partner's attractiveness.
I hope that puts your mind at ease.
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