A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Does not wanting to to work outside the home make me a bad person? My husband barely makes enough to support us. We don't even have children. We have talked about adoption in the future when we are better off. We're in our mid twenties. I often find myself wishing he made more money so I could stay home. I have tried many different jobs, and have had no luck. The one job I had that I did enjoy I was let go from. I couldn't meet all their requirements. They admitted they could tell I was trying my best, but because I didn't meet a certain requirement by the deadline they gave me, I was let go. This was fall of 2012. I have never gotten over it, and have no desire to work anymore. I have worked since then, but only because I felt I had to. My husband is now pressuring me to go back to work again because we are struggling to pay our bills on time. I quit my last job end of March 2014. I'm happy to do all the house work and cook, but I no longer want to work outside the home. I feel I can't tell him this right now. What should I do? Should I force myself back to work? Or should I wait for him to get a promotion? He's been applying for higher paying jobs at the company he's with, and everyone there knows what a great employee he is. He goes above and beyond, which a lot of other people there don't do. He says he doesn't think he will have to wait much longer.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2014): Can't you train on the job in a career that you could love?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2014): "Pardon me,... AND ?..."
In my last followup, before describing my background, I also said this:
"I wanted to see if there was anyone else who felt like giving up, and if they were willing to share their stories. And thanks to those of you who did. It has let me know there is hope for me, and inspired me to try and do better."
I'm going back to work. I don't feel entitled to anything, I just needed some encouragement from those who can relate to how I feel, and how they got through it. I also have decided for sure that I will get counseling.
Thanks again, everyone.
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A
female
reader, Behavioural Analysis  +, writes (8 July 2014):
 I could talk to you about this more in depth as I think I could relate a lot, but you don't have your name available. I don't necessarily think you're spoilt, but I DO think you have issues you NEED to work on because going to work is not optional for most people.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 July 2014):
 Thanks for sharing your story , OP, but you seem to miss the point of why some people may see you as " spoled ". Well, spoiled is an excessively harsh word- but spoiled is not about how many gadgets you had growing up or have now, spoiled is in the mentality and attitude. I know affluent poeple who are not " spoiled " ( in lack of a less condamning word ,which right now escapes me ) and people with no luxuries and no financial security who are.
Like, you seem to think that the way you have been raised or the way you have lived in the past JUSTIFIES your hesitation in going back to work and facing the difficulties of a job search / job performances- when you know perfectly that you can't afford to not work , and/ or you know that by not working you are placing an undue load on your husband's shoulders.
No it does not justifies it at all - it may help EXPLAIN it, it may shed some light on the origin of your difficulties ( debatable, btw, - there's no cause /effect relationship between the age of your parents , or their income, and learning / working abilities , but that would be all another story ).
At the end of the day, you are saying : since when I was a child this and that happened... now I dislike the idea of working and find it challenging and distasteful.
Pardon me,... AND ?...
You have no idea of how many people, for a number of their own good reasons, find the idea of working challenging and distasteful !....Yet, they do it anyway.
Dislike the idea as much as you want , find it challenging and difficult as much as you want,- that does not make refusing to work when you need it ,a more acceptable idea. What does it matter WHY you don't like to work when your life condition make so that you MUST work, instead ? .
Life is full of challenges and difficulties and things we may not find plesant- at any level in different areas. Very few people, I guess, are so lucky they can avoid totally any challenge or dfficulty , I don't think I have ever met any. Then again, the general idea of LIVING is not to refuse the challenges and hide from any difficulty- it's about meeting the challenges and facing the difficulties.
I think that's precisely that it's this concept, that, because you had it " rough" when you were a child , now you are entitled to take it easy, or to special treatment and special facilitations, which may make you come off as - well,let's not say spoiled, but- a bit self indulgent perhaps ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2014): OP, I'm glad you've told us the reasons why you don't want to work, because the aunts and uncles can give you more useful advice this way. You definitely don't come across spoilt in your follow ups, you just need some help and motivation. If I were in your situation I would write a list of things that would make me more confident. I think there might be some courses you can do (there are here in uk), voluntary work might help you feel more confident, and valued as a team member. I think you're anxiety surrounding the situation needs to be managed- this can be done with the help of your GP. You also mention you have difficulty learning- if there is something specific you struggle with, there might be courses to help you manage this, if it's learning in general, this could be because of a number of reasons- it might be worth talking to your doctor about this because one you button down the reason behind it, you might work through it. In the meantime I would take a notepad to any new job with you as writing things down certainly helps 'cement' the information. I'm sure there a lot more suggestions the world wide web can offer you too. But just keep going because it will be worth it in the end. To be 100% dependant on yourself would be an amazing feeling and give you such an amazing sense of self satisfaction. The only thing that can guarantee your success is that you keep trying.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2014): This is the OP again. Thanks to the new people that have answered since I wrote my last followup.
After giving it more thought, I feel the fact I've never gotten the chance to live 100% on my own, that's why I'm struggling now. I don't feel good about myself living off my husband, that's why I came here asking for advise. And by the way, I never pressured him to get a promotion. He applied for the position by his own decision to want to move up in the company. He would have done it regardless of what I'm doing.
I wanted to see if there was anyone else who felt like giving up, and if they were willing to share their stories. And thanks to those of you who did. It has let me know there is hope for me, and inspired me to try and do better.
To those accusing me of being "spoiled", sorry but you're wrong. This is going to be a bit long, but I feel it's necessary to tell you my background so in the future, you don't make these assumptions about someone else. I feel you may have gotten an image in your head of a prissy girl who is afraid to get her hands dirty when you read my post. One who feels she is too good to work, or relies on her looks to get what she wants from others. I couldn't do that even if I wanted to. I'm pretty but not outstanding. In fact, some of the jobs I've done, a girl like that wouldn't last a day at.
Anyway, I was not the type of kid who asked for something, and always got it. In fact, going into our house was like taking a trip back in time 30-40 years. My sister and I had older parents than most kids. When I was born, my dad was 43, and my mom was just under 40. For growing up in the late '90s and '00s, we did without a lot of stuff other kids our age enjoyed everyday. They even made fun of us, and didn't try to befriend us. We were too different to appeal to them. For example, I didn't know what the internet was until I was 13 and babysitting over at someone elses house. We had 2 word processors that my dad brought home from work, and that was it. We only had 1 t.v., and our time watching it was limited. We were also the only kids of our time that knew how to use a rotary dial phone. My dad was obsessed with jazz music, and wouldn't let us listen to anything else while he was home. Not even my mom. He also had a 1950s view of women, and hassled my mom for working a part time job. We were outdoor kids for the most part, which wasn't a problem since we did have a big backyard with a privacy fence. We would kick around an inflatable soccer ball we got in a McDonald's happy meal, or play catch or croquet, which was fun. However, it got pretty depressing when I could hear groups kids nearby having fun in their swimming pools, and I knew I didn't have friends. I would look through the cracks in the fence and see them, and wish I could join them. I only had my sister, and when we fought, there was no one else to turn to for companionship.
As teenagers we worked starting at the age of 15, we weren't allowed to have cell phones, and I had to wait until I was 18 to get my driver's license. I was also out of high school by the time I turned 18. My parents either drove me to work, and if they couldn't I had to walk.
I realize anyone who was born even 10 years before me did without internet completely as a kid, cell phones, and whatever else came along before I was born. However, considering kids today have smart phones, lap tops, high def t.v., etc, you can hardly say I was spoiled. Especially since I was kept behind the times, and was an outcast because of it.
Don't be so quick to judge someone is all I'm saying. Thanks for your answers anyway, though.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (8 July 2014):
 This is what being a grownup is. So many people go to work and hate their jobs. Others have gotten laid off and sit in their cars and cry, but they get up and soldier on because there has to be food on the table.
Being a grownup means that we pick up the slack in the household. Your husband and your household needs you. You're falling behind on bills, your husband barely makes enough, and he could be laid off! He could get injured. You could get pregnant. Also, all of this time being inactive in the workforce doesn't look good on a resume.
If you're having trouble, a trip to a doctor or psychologist will help you. If you break your leg, there's no shame in getting crutches or a wheelchair to help until you walk again. If you were nearsighted, there's no shame in glasses or contacts or Lasik. Likewise, if you're depressed, getting medical help can get you back to the world.
There's a lot of work you can do INSIDE the home to make money. Getting a daycare license, become a house cleaner of other people's houses, if you're creative and can sell works of art or cater for people, anything. Being industrious is one of the most fulfilling things in this world. Working for yourself, especially if you have a marketable trade or are interested in putting some study into one is immensely fulfilling.
But you should look at being financially dependent on someone else as being detestable. I'm not talking about the moms who stay at home and contribute to their families in the most important way of all, and that's to protect and raise the next generation. I envy those who can devote full-time parenting at home.
But you don't have kids now, and you're not disabled, and your husband needs you. Never wish that your life is improved by someone else's fortune. Wishing your husband made more so you don't have to work? No way. Take control of your life, get up off of the ground and out of the house, and get that thirst for independence again. There is no sweeter intoxification than knowing that your work put the clothes on your back, your sweat put the food on your table. Your labor put that money in the savings accounts, and your vacation is satisfying because of the work you've accomplished.
You're cheating yourself out of the greatest thrill of being a grownup, apart from watching your children grow up into the men or women you are so proud of. Work and put that money away for them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2014): I understand you very well, and people whO are different than you will never understand what you are going through and will tell you to get over your fears, get off your ass .... And so on.
I tried working also. Before I had my daughter I did a lot of horrible jobs, because I didn't have education and worked with people who were rude, poor upbringing.
Then when my daughter was little I went to college, finished and started working in a big company, no better, just the quality of gossips changed, lol.
The most I worked in one place was 1.5 year. I was fired 4 times, and believe me I know how it feels. I don't have learning disabilities or anxiety, I just have problem with people's behavior, them gossiping and in any office you ll find plenty of it. The hardest at any job is not job itself but people who work with you.
I understood that for me the best way is to be my own boss. And I started doing what I did best: cooking. I cooked for old people mostly, and then started specializing in health food, then started teaching classes on how to cook, and so on. It didnt give me a huge income, but I was able to pay for food for the family, and save a bit for vacation.
Then our situation changed, my husband finally had a courage to open his own business and now we are working together, and I enjoy every moment of it.
Times changed but not even 50 years ago this is what women did: they stayed home, raising children, taking care of the house, and husbands supported families.
I think working for nonprofit organization is a great idea. You just need to find a quiet good inviroment for you. Everything will be fine.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2014): "Have you ever thought that maybe your husband doesn't want to work either?"
Actually, I have asked him before because I was curious. I asked him if he won the lottery or something, would he still work. He said given the choice he would still work. He grew up in a family with strong work ethics, and was brought up to be the same. He also likes his job which helps. My mom has a strong work ethic as well, and I used to. I feel I still do, to an extent. When I'm working, I try my best at it, and I get a sense of accomplishment when I do a good job. The problem is when I don't, I give up too easily.
I will take the suggestion of counseling into consideration. I will also try the temp agency route.
Thank you all for taking the time to help me out, and have a great day.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2014): You get professional help because you're DEFINITELY depressed. How do I know that? Because you're clearly avoiding a problem that will NOT go away until you get back out there. However, it would only make you feel worse if you force yourself without getting counselling at the same time.
Find an area of work you are interested in and volunteer in that field until you can find a job in it or afford a course in it. You will also NEED a job, but you NEED therapy too.
You are in your mid-20s and are already married, so you HAVE to do what adults do and be responsible for your financial well-being.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): You've received great advice so I'll just copy and paste what stuck out because it can't be said enough.
'You are going to wear this marriage thin, and cause a lot of resentment, if your concern is only on yourself at all times. Don't you care how much pressure you put your husband under? Don't you care how poor HIS life is, because YOU choose to not work? If you worked, you and him could afford a better life. Don't you love your husband enough to want to give him that?' - Amen to that
'Non of us want to go to work, non of us want stress, boredom, working with people we don't get on with....but its a harsh reality of life that we have to deal with.' - True dat
'What if, God forbid, something happened to your husband? How would you support yourself then?'
'It doesn't make you a bad person for wanting to stay at home, but right now it's impractical.'
Sweetheart, you can't afford not to work. Either stay in this financially stressful situation and never reach the level of income you 'need' to have children. Or you pull your own weight and make a living. Your poor husband works flat out at work and is solely responsible for TWO GROWN ADULTS and a HOUSEHOLD. He is struggling to pay the bills on time when he has a partner who agreed to share the burdens of life with him sitting at home with their feet up and not helping to keep the household running. Poor poor man. Please put yourself in his shoes and realise that he too forces himself to go to work. If he won the lottery today, he might not choose to work at his company or he might choose not to work as much. This tells you that he is going to work out of NEED. This need belongs to you both and as such the kind and LOVING thing to do is to not overwork your husband.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 July 2014):
 The biggest regret I have was to NOT be financially independent after marriage. It was really much of a choice to stay home, but having lived in 2 places where the kind of job I skilled at and could pull a good wage was impossible to get, and day care cost were higher than the job I COULD get "we" decided that me staying at home would not be a bad idea. At least til the kids were in school. Then we had to deal with deployments and being FAR FAR away from family and friends with very little support net, which again made it even higher, add a child who had some rather serious allergies and easily got sick (can't get a sitter for a sick child and can't get enough time off to take care of her and so forth.)
I DID work from the age of 14 - had 3 jobs through college and a 70 hour career job up til I married my husband. And I made DAMN good money. I miss that. I miss getting out the house. I miss challenging myself in that sense.
I think you are doing "wrong" by yourself. You are going to end up not BEING able to GET any jobs because you have been out of the job market so long. Now is the time to TRY a few different jobs you might WANT to try. Go through a temp agency or work placement program.
Not having money or having to pinch every penny your husband earn can cause discord and stress - it can make YOU unhappy with him, him unhappy with you.
Go out there and find something. No one is saying you can't do part time, but for you to WANT to just be a housewife at your age? Sorry, I think that is being wasteful.
I might be starting a job here next month (cross fingers) and it's CERTAINLY not something I WANT to do, but the extra money will mean we can put money aside for things we want and things we NEED.
SUPPORT your husband by helping him provide for the both of you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): You sound a bit lazy and spoiled and u are putting too much pressure on ur poor hhusband. No one wants to work but we have to. Suck it up and back to work - you'll meet new people and maybe enjoy it.
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female
reader, jls022 +, writes (7 July 2014):
"That's why I've been making myself work anyway, even though I don't want to anymore."
You've just described the situation 90% of the world find themselves in. I would give up my job in a second if I could, but I can't because I need to earn money. Most people don't WANT to work, they HAVE to work, and since you and your husband currently cannot make ends meet, that includes you.
Have you ever thought that maybe your husband doesn't want to work either? Maybe if he had the chance he would give up working too? But he has to otherwise you both couldn't survive. How would you feel if he told you he wanted to stay at home for a while, and he expected you to work to support him? Would you think it was fair? Or would you question why he was placing the financial burden of supporting two people and a household on you alone simply because he doesn't want to go out to work anymore?
You're putting a lot of pressure on him to provide for you which could lead to anger and resentment on his part. Frankly, I would be incredibly annoyed at my boyfriend if he was putting pressure on me to get a promotion (something which is difficult and stressful anyway without pressure from your partner) so he could stay at home for no good reason. You are capable of work, and your husband is struggling, so it's time you realise that you can't always get what you want. Sometimes as an adult, you've got to suck it up and do what's necessary.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): It's time you considered getting help then, from job's clubs, local coordinators and things like that.
You literally have nothing to feel ashamed of or that you've failed.
I was older than you are now when I finally figured out what kind of job I would enjoy and how to get it. Before that I've worked almost every type of unskilled job you can imagine. About half of those I just wasn't good at. That's not failure, like anything you can't love every job or be great at it and sometimes even when you are the people can ruin it for you and you need to move on. It's not a big deal.
There will be local charities and foundations that help people with learning difficulties and will even help you find work in suitable areas of employment.
You should start looking for direct support in this, OP. You're not the only person to suffer anxiety and learning difficulties. There are plenty of places you can go for support and to help you to build up your confidence.
From reading your reply, you know that not working is not an option you need the money. You'll just become unhappy, and something tells me the guilt is already starting to mess with your head and you're probably already starting to feel like you're in a rut.
OP don't be so hard on yourself, there are ways and means of sorting this out, instead of doing it alone this time go seek some professional support and advice.
There are lots of jobs out there with minimum human contact, there are also plenty of jobs where that contact is pretty pleasant.
You need confidence though, OP, or at least the ability to fake it during interviews and stuff.
Basically you're at a crossroads here where you can step up and get the help you need, or sink further into this rut and let every bit of self-respect just disappear. Not working is not really an option if you ask me, and the most important reason for that is that you need to taste some success, and of course your household needs the money.
OP have faith in yourself, you're neither a failure nor a burden. You're just a person in a difficult situation who needs to pull herself out because other people are relying on you to. You can do it and will do it.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (7 July 2014):
It does not make you a bad person, but it makes you a broke one. And makes yout husband broke too. If he BARELY makes enough to support you both, that means that every extra or unforeseen expense ( new tyres for the car, a new par of eye glasses, a broken tooth ....) makes you vulnerable and has the potential ti turn from inconvenience to dramatic emergency. And it means that if your husband needs or just wants, say, a new coat for the winter- he won't have other choice than do without, because you are hogging ALL the available resources after he's fed himself and paid his bills .
Basically you can't afford a lot of mental masturbation over this - you need to work, end of.
So yes, go back to work now , THEN, if and when he gets the promotion, if that's enough to make a certain difference in your budget, you can decide to stay home.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 July 2014):
 With no children at home I think you should be working and contributing to the household financially as well.
Since you would rather stay home and not work what about becoming a house cleaner for others....
there are even firms that would hire you and handle all the work all you would do is show up and clean....
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A
female
reader, YoungButNotNaive  +, writes (7 July 2014):
 No, it doesn't make you a bad person. I think you have low self esteem, and you should seek counseling. It sounds like you're depressed from your bad experience with the place that let you go. Letting it keep you down for years is not healthy.
It's fine to stay home once you adopt kids. But for now, yes you should force yourself to work. It doesn't sound like you don't want to work AT ALL, more that you think you'll get another job you'll end up leaving later. You think you'll never find another job you enjoy, which you won't if you don't keep looking.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): "Is there something else putting you off work? Anxiety disorder?"I get really nervous around other people, and get stressed out easily. This is probably because I struggle with learning, and people just don't have the patience for people like me. Since I know this, I freak out and am afraid to ask for too much help. "You're an adult, who wants to sit and home and not contribute."Not contributing would mean letting him take care of all the household chores and cooking, in addition to being the financial provider. I'm not doing that. I don't appreciate the assumption that I sit around and literally do NOTHING. "You need to be independent, at least learn how to be independent"Easier said than done. My parents sheltered me quite a bit, and then expected me to know everything about being a responsible adult the day I turned 18. It doesn't work that way. I was working then, but I wasn't making enough to move out of my parents' house. I got married at 21, so I never lived on my own. I was still working at that time, but the building I was working in closed. I was transferred to the nearest location, but my hours were cut back. I liked that job as well, and I had been there for 3 years. I had no choice but to look elsewhere, though, because I was only getting one shift per week, and often I was being sent home in the middle of the shift. After I found a new job, I quit that one, but the new one didn't last because I got laid off due to over-hiring. "If you worked, you and him could afford a better life. Don't you love your husband enough to want to give him that?" Of course I love him enough to want to a better life for us. That's why I've been making myself work anyway, even though I don't want to anymore. I asked this question more to see if anyone else feels this way, and if it makes me a bad person for letting past failures discourage me from working again. Apparently it does. Thanks anyway. "You don't sound lazy whatsoever, it sounds like you just can't handle work for some reason, it sounds like you're almost running away from the responsibility of it. Try figure out why that is."It's because I'm afraid of failing yet again. I don't want to hide in my house. I'm also still searching and applying for jobs, but it's becoming more difficult because of my crappy work history of leaving jobs or being fired. I'm almost too embarrassed to show anyone my resume at this point.
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A
male
reader, devont +, writes (7 July 2014):
 Imagine if it was the other way around. Imagine if your husband said to you "I'm quitting my job to stay at home, you need to get a promotion at work to pay for us both."I can't imagine you would be too pleased. I wouldn't be, in fact, it would probably be the end of the relationship if my partner said that to me. Some people really enjoy work, some people don't. Unless you have enough money to support yourself, you HAVE to work regardless of whether you enjoy it or not. Do you really think everyone in employment likes their job? You and husband do not have enough money for one of you not to work. And it is not fair (I would even say outrageous) to ask your husband to work harder to support you. Even if he got a promotion, would he really earn as much as if you just started working again? His promotion would be the equivalent to someone's annual wage? I don't think so. Go back to work. You'll feel better about yourself, you get to meet new people, have new experiences and it can feel good to make money. Help your husband out, it shouldn't just be down to him.
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 July 2014):
 At this day and age you're acting like a spoiled brat. You're an adult, who wants to sit and home and not contribute. Sorry, fellow woman, but you need to woman up and get your ass in gear. You're capable of much more than being your husbands pretty accessory. You're not his pet. You're not some helpless animal. You're not a child. You're an adult.
For your own good, you need to get your ass to work. Divorces do happen. People do die too. What then? Will you sit and wait for the government to help you pay your bills? You need to be independent, at least learn how to be independent, and you need to be a SUPPORT in this marriage, and not just a free rider. You are going to wear this marriage thin, and cause a lot of resentment, if your concern is only on yourself at all times. Don't you care how much pressure you put your husband under? Don't you care how poor HIS life is, because YOU choose to not work? If you worked, you and him could afford a better life. Don't you love your husband enough to want to give him that?
Apparently not, because all you worry about is yourself.... Well, you need to snap out of this bubble you're in and face the real world. You're not a pretty little doll. You're an adult. And when money is tight, what do you think is the best way that YOU can contribute? Hint: it's not sitting around doing nothing while waiting for better times.
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A
male
reader, Mark1978 +, writes (7 July 2014):
 As you live with your partner you have equal responsibility financially and equal responsibility to make sure you can both afford to keep the roof above your head.
I don't think its fair to expect your husband to work above and beyond and take on a more stressful, involving job so you can stay at home. Im sure you do a great job around the house and cleaning, cooking, etc but your husband is working very hard for both of you and extending himself. Why should he work harder when you could be contributing?
Now you need to step out of your comfort zone and take on work. Force yourself and make it happen and stick with it. You also need to consider the future - what if he becomes ill, what if the company he works for folds, what if he was made redundant or couldn't handle the promotion? With two of you out of work you would be Donald ducked.
Non of us want to go to work, non of us want stress, boredom, working with people we don't get on with....but its a harsh reality of life that we have to deal with.
Mark
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female
reader, Intrigued3000  +, writes (7 July 2014):
 What if, God forbid, something happened to your husband? How would you support yourself then? You need to become independent, so you don't have to rely on anyone else to support you. There is no guarantee in life, and the economy is so bad right now that it requires two incomes to support a household. If you don't like working outside of the home then find a way to earn money at home. Become an entrepreneur. I have a friend who started her own business making custom-made greeting cards in the basement of her home. Today she earns six figures. However bare in mind, you would need money to finance the start up, which you may not have right now. If your husband is barely making money to make ends meet, then yes, you need to help out by getting a job. For now work any job, even if it's part-time. If you found a job that you liked, but you were let go because you did not meet certain requirements, then maybe you need to go back to school part-time to gain that extra competitive edge. So either you become an entrepreneur or work any job and go to school part-time to become qualified for a job that you actually like. Either option requires hard work.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): Dear OP, why would you want to live-off and be dependant on someone else?
Is there something else putting you off work? Anxiety disorder?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2014): Yeah you should force yourself, OP. At least until he can make enough money to provide for both of you.
It doesn't make you a bad person for wanting to stay at home, but right now it's impractical.
You should work towards achieving that, but right now you need to bring in some cash to lighten his load and the stress on you both.
To be honest with you though, OP, it sounds like your reasons for wanting this aren't good. They're negative, and attitude of just giving up on life rather than having a good reason like raising kids.
Just because you got fired from the only job you liked doesn't mean you can't try to find another that you like or go train in another skill you can see yourself building a career from.
Right now your husband, your marriage and you need money and right now you're the only one that can get out there and earn that extra cash for you both.
In this situation needs must. You have the ability to take your marriage out of the financial difficulties you currently face, you kind of have a duty to that.
You only have to work until he gets promoted, you could even work part time just to ensure you're a little more comfortable.
I think you know you should, OP. But you should also consider more carefully what it is with you and thinking work is such a bad thing. You don't sound lazy whatsoever, it sounds like you just can't handle work for some reason, it sounds like you're almost running away from the responsibility of it. Try figure out why that is. I mean I've had shit jobs and I've even left ones they were so bad, but I never hated working so much I'd rather hide in my house and never do it, especially when money is so tight that I needed to.
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