A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:A former female co worker and I have remained friends after she quit her job. She's married I'm divorced. I have been invited to their house a few times over the years and her husband is a nice guy. When I meet this woman for lunch it's been nothing but talk of our families and jobs. A recent lunch has me feeling like she want's something and I'm not sure if she's trying to bait me for an affair. She greeted me with a kiss that was meant for lovers, not me. She acted different, and was dressed to kill. When lunch was finished and we were leaving she gave me another kiss that went on for too long. I really like this woman as a friend but I'm not sure if she's looking for something more from me. I was uncomfortable with those kisses, it was a lot different than those pecks on the cheeks from friends. I almost can't believe this happened, but friends can become cheaters and lovers. The thing is I'm not interested in getting into a forbidden relationship with her or anyone who is married or attached. I have a women I date and have a sexual relationship with so it's not like I'm in need of getting involved for sex. The thing about this is I'm not really sure what she's thinking. Do you think this is a sign that she has some kind of interest in having an affair with me?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2014): Next time you meet up, invite your girlfriend.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2014): You have the benefit of knowing this woman for long enough to know how she behaved earlier in time, as opposed to what she is doing now.
I believe your instincts may be correct; but it is how YOU continue to keep the boundaries set, and remind her that you are only a friend.
When she goes for your lips, slightly back away and go for her cheek. That puts the kisses back in the friend-zone. Release hugs and gently pull away when you think they've sufficiently expressed your friendly expression of affection. Stop leaving it all up to her. Why would you stand there and just let her come-on to you inappropriately? You're not paralyzed.
Don't take it to the level of wanting an affair. She may only have a deficiency in affection; and the mood and setting may have gone to the wrong place in her mind.
That happens form time to time. You know she has problems in her marriage.
You're close enough as friends, certainly mature enough; to speak-up and remind her not to forget she's a married-woman. Remind her that you're seeing someone if she persists, and make your visits a little more scarce.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 August 2014):
Yep.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 August 2014):
If she kisses you in a way you don't want to be kissed then turn your head and offer a cheek, or TELL her. I'm not comfortable with you kissing me like that. YOU are a GROWN man. IN YOUR 50's. Don't tell me you can not set her straight.
She is bored at home and playing with fire. Maybe you aren't the first man she has cheated on her husband with (or tried to).
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