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Does my FWB want more with me?

Tagged as: Dating, Friends, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 January 2011) 10 Answers - (Newest, 5 January 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

For the past 4 months I have had this fwb..it was never defined as such. I met him online and we started hanging out and we see each other and have sex and hang out between 1-5 times a month. He texts me everyday lately i don't know if he likes me more than that tho. Signs i think he likes me more-he texts me everyday, when he texts he usually uses my first and last name then an lol or smiley(says its cause he likes saying my name),we talk about everything, he don't want me sleeping with anyone else, keeps tabs on what I do, if I post something on fb that i didn't talk to him about hes right on top of asking why and whats going on. Signs im not sure about-when hes with me he is always texting others, he doesn't get touchy feely til we get intimate, I don't see him that often.

When we are together he tells me that he wishes it could be everyday but his money situation cant make it like that and he works overnights so it makes it a lil more difficult. I asked once a last month if he ever thought of having more with me and he said sometimes he does and I asked how and he wanted to know how I felt. But I told him idk cause i don't want to get hurt if he don't feel the same and he said if idk then he don't kno..i just don't know if he wants more or not.

View related questions: money, text

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A female reader, xanthic United States +, writes (5 January 2011):

xanthic agony auntIt's unfortunate things turned out that way, but I'm glad to hear you ended it rather than settling. You deserve to be treated with respect, but won't get it unless you respect yourself first. You've already shown you know you should be worth more than just sex to someone, which is the first step! Keep that up, don't lower your standards for anyone.

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (4 January 2011):

angelDlite agony auntgood for you, stay strong and stick to your guns coz i'm guessing he'll be back! if he wants you, make him bloody well work for it, not let him have more of the same. i hope now your free though you will one day meet someone who doesn't have these low-life standards to start with

xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

update--i asked him what his intentions were and where he thought this was going to go..and his response was hes cool with how things are now..and he dont want to be tied down he likes being single..so i ended it with him and told him i am looking for something more in life and i deserve something more and someone who cares for me more than sex.. and i know its an unhealthy relationship to get myself into so i am gonna be looking for better in my life..thank you for all the info and thank you xanthic for being so blunt about it. i really needed that..

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (4 January 2011):

angelDlite agony aunti think that FWB relationships can have varying outcomes, it depends entirely on 2 individuals so i'm not gonna say no, this definitely won't turn into more, BUT the fact is is that you've asked him about this and he wouldn't give you a straight answer, he's been hurt in the past (he says!) and maybe this is why? maybe it is why he doesn't want to get too involved with someone again at the moment but hey, that is HIS problem and he's making it YOUR problem. i think you're gonna have to be a bit stronger with this one: try getting him to do other things with you that don't involve sex, try getting him to take you places, ask him to see you more if that's what you want and if he doesn't want to do behave like more than a FWB towards you, well there, you will have your answer. it sounds as though at the moment, this partnership is all on his terms. get the self esteem to realise that YOUR feelings matter and he shouldn't be making you feel like this, so unsure of things. as for getting on well, be careful coz in my experience with men, the worst ones i have been with have been the ones that are very easy to get on with and that's coz they always know exactly what to say, but that's just my own cynical opinion

xx

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A female reader, xanthic United States +, writes (4 January 2011):

xanthic agony auntYou're reading too much into the situation. Don't analyze, don't make excuses for him, just pay attention to what he does and not what he says. He could be saying everything you want to hear, but that doesn't mean anything if his actions don't match up.

Let's go over the list again. He says he wants to see you more, but only comes around once in a while and it always ends with sex. He won't cuddle or be affectionate unless it leads somewhere. You never go out, which probably has little to do with money because there are plenty of things to do that are free.

It doesn't matter if he's not seeing another woman at the moment, because you can be sure at some point he'll drop you for someone else. I realize I sound harsh, but you need to realize this FWB arrangement doesn't have as much meaning to him as you think it does because at the end of the day, he visits you for sex. It wouldn't end in the bedroom every single time if there was more to it than that.

In no way am I saying he doesn't like you, but that doesn't automatically mean he's going to want a relationship somewhere down the line. 9 times out of 10, settling for a FWB relationship will destroy any chance a woman has of being seen as a potential girlfriend. Keep that in mind the next time a man you really like wants sex without strings.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i would like to thank my responders..and yes everytime he sees me it always ends in the B..yes we talk on the phone and we are so similar its scary lol..we are comfortable with each other and talk about everything..he makes time for me during the day if i ask him to..we dont go out anywhere cause of money situations..he has told his friends about me and i know one of them..he tells me if he could he would see me everyday and he is not with other women..he has told me that he doesnt trust women cause 9 out of 10 lie..what i gather from that is he has been hurt by his ex really bad..i think if i talked to him about more he would but idk if thats what i really want with him..i love hanging out with him but hes not touchy feely like i like when its not sexual..when we leave each other instead of his normal hug he has started kissing me..he asked me to go to his moms on new years eve but knew i already had plans with my friends so idk if it was just him being nice knowing i would turn him down or if he really wanted me to go..he has also been distant since he found out i am taking a trip to hang out with a friend for the weekend..

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A female reader, xanthic United States +, writes (4 January 2011):

xanthic agony auntNo, he doesn't want more. You're already sleeping with him without asking for a relationship, which means he has no incentive to change the way things are now.

As for how he's been acting, some men have a tendency to be very possessive. It doesn't mean he wants more than sex from you, it means he wants to be the only one you have sex with while he's free to sleep with whoever he wants.

Pay more attention to his actions; he's affectionate only when he wants sex and doesn't make the effort to see you more often. He says nice things, but that's where it ends. Trust me, if a man wants more he'll be sure to let you know. Your FWB has no idea what he really wants other than sex from you.

You clearly can't separate sex from love, and have ended up in a situation with someone that can. In the future, hold off on having sex with someone for a while if you have any intention of being in a relationship. It'll save you from a lot of confusion and heartbreak.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (3 January 2011):

aunt honesty agony auntWell first off when a guy is with a woman only for sex he still gets possesive over her, he feels that she is his to have sex with and nobody else and therefore doesnt want her with any other men or talking to people he doesnt no. Dont be fooled in to believing that it means he has falling for you.

However in saying that he may not be like that at al, that is just a classic example of a guy wanting nothing more than a FWB. You need to take sometime to yourself and ask yourself what it is you want. Once you have done this then tell him how you feel and ask him what he wants. You both need to sit down and talk to each other and tell each other how you feel and were you are going in the future.

Goodluck.

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A female reader, angelDlite United Kingdom +, writes (3 January 2011):

angelDlite agony aunthi

does this fwb get the B everytime you meet up? the amount of times you see each other does not sound too seldom to me really considering he works night times, but will he make time in the day for you? do you feel as if he could see you more if he really wanted to? if the fwb status was not defined by either of you, what has made you feel like calling it that? i wouldn't be too impressed by the texting everyday, i think that is texting is too easy to do and it doesn't make for a relationship. can you and him chat on the phone and get on well face to face? its good that he does't want you with other men. in that case, have you told him you dont want him with other women? i would bring it up again, but this time when he asks you what you want, don't tell him you don't know, tell him the truth and then its up to him, if he doesn't want to stick around on your terms then at least you'll have your answer, i hope he gives you the answer you want in return

xx

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A female reader, happy24birthday United States +, writes (3 January 2011):

happy24birthday agony auntNo he does not want more. It doesn't mean he doesn't like you just fine or anything like that... he just doesn't want more than what you share at the moment. It's a very hard place to be in and to accept, but if you like being with him then continue if you think you can handle it emotionally. If you think you can't, then I would advise stopping all contact, totally cutting him out of your life. It's really the only way to get past this sort of relationship. But, again, if you don't want out, then stay in... you will have to find a way to cope with the fact that he doesn't want more and probably never will.

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