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Does my ex want me back because he loves me or just because I am dating someone else?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Dating, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 February 2010) 3 Answers - (Newest, 23 February 2010)
A female Canada age 18-21, anonymous writes:

so, about 7 months ago, my first serious boyfriend broke up with me after us being together for just over a year. i'm still so in love with him, but for the past 7 months he has wanted nothing to do with me, other than just friends in school, even though i told him all the time how much i still love him. well i recently started seeing someone else (about 2 months ago) and i'm already starting to fall pretty hard for this guy.

a little more than a week ago, my ex asked me over, so i went. he then told me how much he is still in love with me and wants to try again with me. i was so excited when he told me this, i didn't know what to do! then i remembered i'm seeing someone else, and i really like this other guy, but i'm still in love with my ex, which is why i can't completely commit to the other guy until i'm 100% over my ex. the guy that i'm currently with, is probably the most amazing guy i have ever met. he is sweet, funny, kind, adorable, and i know he would do anything for me and would never ever hurt me, but im not in love with him and he is a year older than me and soon possibly going away for university. then my ex is a great guy too! hes goofy and funny, sweet, kinda and my age, but he broke my heart and hurt me a lot, but i'm also still very in love with him. i'm scared he is just jealous now that i'm with someone else, because for 7 months he has been telling me he doesn't love me, then once he knows im happy with another guy, hes telling me everything i have wanted to hear for 7 months now.

now that i have the option of being with my ex or the guy i'm with now, i have no idea what to do or who to choose and i'm absolutely torn up over it. any suggestions ?

View related questions: broke up, jealous, my ex, university

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010):

Honestly, I think you know the answer. It would be a big mistake to leave your new boyfriend for your EX. First of all, he hurt you a lot. Second of all, he didn't care about you for 7 months and had ample opportunities to get back together with you but he chose not to. And now when someone else is showing you interest and you are actually on the verge falling in love with this new guy, lo and behold, your ex suddenly confesses his "feelings" for you? Something about this seems very fishy and I don't think it is genuine from his part. He broke up with you 7 months ago because he was not happy with the relationship and wanted to move on. Today if you decide to go back to your ex, what happens tomorrow when he gets bored/unhappy about the relationship and dumps you again? You will hurt all over again and plus you won't have your current boyfriend anymore. I think your ex has that thing where he is attracted to the unavailable - you were available after your break up for 7 months and he was not interested but suddenly when you finally aren't available anymore, he wants what he can't have. Once you become available again, he will lose interest. Believe me and stay with your new boyfriend as that will be the smarter wiser thing to do. Plus he treats you well - what more can you wish for? Good luck.

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A female reader, courtney42595 United States +, writes (23 February 2010):

Well if for 7 months he has been telling you hes not interested in you anymore and once you start seeing a guy he starts to love you its jealousy. Heres what I think, he left you after being a pretty serious relationship and you were committing to him and he said no, almost like hes playing hard to get or something, then when you see another guy he realizes that your not beggin at his feet for him to love you anymore, your done and seeing someone you also like very much. Or he then realizes what he has been missing, like they say you dont know what you got till its gone. Or my last option he has been loving that your kissing his feet for him to love you, and he enjoys it as if he feels he has complete control over you then he decideds to play hard to get and repeats no. Personally I would go with what your heart tells you do :)

Hope this helps ^^

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2010):

To make it short, because my answers are always long, I'm assuming your ex knows for sure that you're with someone, by you or someone else telling him,or by him seeing you two together at some point. Going by that.., by going over to your ex's for any reason at all, while you're still in love with him, and while you're with this new guy, you don't like or respect your new bf enough to be with him. It would be different if you were just friends with your ex and went to see him, but not in love with him. Going by that, your ex is the one, out of those two.. However, I'm not sure if he's the right "the one" to be with, since yes, he appears to be trying to cut off your new bf. If you put his jealousy together with the hurt and broken heart you say he gave you when you were with him, is it worth being with him anyway, even if you still have strong feelings about him? The new bf is obviously a temporary fix until he goes to school, at which point you say he won't be an option anymore, compared to your ex. Going by all this, I think both are wrong for you, but rather go by what you know is also right for you, not just what you know might mislead you or make you feel a sense of being in love, even if they don't deserve you. If you say you're in love with your ex and not in love with your new bf, then the new bf clearly deserves to be with someone else, as well. There are plenty of guys who will be sweet, kind, funny, good to you, etc., but if you don't have strong enough, sure enough feeling for them, their traits alone are not enough reason to be with them. Hope this helps, even if it's not the answer you may have wanted to hear.

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