A
female
age
41-50,
neenie
writes:I'm confused. My boyfriend (whom I've been living with for 8 months now) avoids looking at me. When I walk into a room, he never looks directly at me although I do catch him looking at me out of the corner of my eye when I'm not looking at him. He tells me he loves me and he often shows me that he loves me by doing sweet things and buying me little gifts but he avoids looking at me. When he does look at me, I can see the love in his eyes and his gaze will be intent for awhile, then he's back to not looking again.Also, he is a camera freak but he never takes any pictures of me. When we first met, he had disc after disc of digital photos of his last girlfriend (whom in my opinion was the ugly one) but since we've been together, he's taken very, very few of me. I am overweight and have a complex about that anyway (but the last girlfriend was heavy, too). This is really bugging me.I recently got some new glasses and he told me that I looked better with them on than without them. This hurt my feelings as it made me feel like he thought my face should be hidden or something.I am now 50 years old and looks are starting to fade a bit but to be honest, I've always thought I was quite attractive, have been told that by many people and have been quite proud of that fact.Does he really think I'm ugly? I know that he's afraid of being left alone so I'm wondering if he just doesn't want to feed my ego thinking I will leave. I'm not movie star material, but I'm certainly not ugly.What is going on here?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2008): I'm really sorry he makes you feel this way, and I'm smiling at you from across the same boat. In the year I've been with my boyfriend he's only complimented me ONCE and that was only in a text message that said "Goodmorning beautiful"...probably shouldn't even count that but I cling to it as my one and only assurance that he dosen't think I'm a complete beast. But letting them steal our confidence over this is the dumbest road we can take. You're beautiful simply because you are you. I don't know how to tell you to keep your confidence when mine has suddenly become so fragile, but you must. Oh and one last thing. Perhaps your boyfriend has ways of expression that you simply haven't picked up on yet. For example, the excuse I make for mine is that he is not a verbally expressive man, so when he touches my hair or kisses me I try to take that to mean he thinks I'm attractive. We have to cut them SOME slack. Men can be very insensitive and we know this. If we wanted to be with somone who knew how important it was to make us feel beautiful, then we'd be lesbians =P
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008): Why dont you play the same stupid game with him. Why do women let me do this to them? make him jealous. I know a really unattractive woman who has men eating out of her hand, because she is so CONFIDENT. She lets them think they are the lucky ones to date her. Men are basically easily upset if they think their manhood is threatened. Make him think he is not good enough for you. Treat him a bit mean. Give him the same treatment.
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  + ♥, writes (8 January 2008):
 It's a good sign that he glances over to watch you when you aren't looking at him. He might not have come from a very demonstrative family where a lot of affection was shown. I loved my husband when he was wearing glasses, unfortunately, he had eye surgery and needs to wear his contacts all the time now. I always thought that his bare face was mine and mine alone, and it was special to me that I was the only one that got to see it. Maybe he feels the same as I did, or he just really likes the way they look on you. Perhaps the disks of photos are a harsh reminder to him of his previous girlfriend and the pain they caused afterwards has changed his photography habits and made him a bit reluctant. He might think that he can't capture what he sees in you on film, or maybe he thinks he'll put some bad ju-ju on the relationship if he does what he did the last time. Well, that's all just speculation on my part. You can always ask him about the way that you perceive his habits and what he means by it. I think if he's stealing glances, that's the most telling thing. He must think you are good-looking if he is doing that!
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