A
male
age
30-35,
*rico
writes:During Easter vacation I visited a girl with my cousin, who happens to be in the same school with him.When I saw this girl she was really cute .It happened we had little chat about academics to be precise. I saw that she was so intelligent, which immediately captured my interest in her. After our chat she accompanied us to our home, to get acquainted with our parents. We had really nice time with her.I had the urge to ask for her number but I thought it was a little bit too early for that.When I was alone with my cousin I told him I was interested in this girl. I asked him whether he could give me her number, for me to call her at my will.He was positive about that, but later on he said it would be better if he first sought her permission, before doing that. I concurred with him.Three days later he phoned me, telling me the girl accepted wholeheartedly, for her number to be given to me. He went on by asking, “why didn't you ask her, when we met?”My cousin and I paid her a visit few days later. She welcomed us wholeheartedly again. Later on she sat by my side asking why I didn't ask for her number myself, when we met initially. I was dumbfounded by the question, but I responded it was just a first visit, and she didn’t know me then.She understood my response and we had little nice chat again before parting ways.I later paid her a visit myself and we had really nice time sharing life experiences, but didn't tell her my feelings towards her.Our vacation came to an end and we all went back to our various schools.I started calling her again on phone having nice chats from time to time.Then a day came when I decided to voice out my feelings. She seemed surprised, and asked me, “why didn't you tell me, when we met?”I told her it was too sudden for me to tell her then. She started seeming reluctant to talk to me. My feelings for her continue. I kept sending her sweet text messages, but she did not reply.I then decided to stop texting and calling her.After about two weeks she called and asked me, ‘‘why haven't you been calling?” She asked me if I have a problem with her.I said no, and said that I have been busy. She asked me whether am sure with my response. I said yes.From then I started calling her every couple of days. We've been communicating well about ourselves, academics, and other social activities and sometimes she’s advised me on my academics.I even told my birthday and she told me her birthday. On Sundays she'll ask if I went to church and if I didn't she'll ask me not to relent, because she is also a religious person.I decided to give her a test, by not calling her in the week prior to my birthday, to see if I am in her thoughts.Surprisingly on earliest hour on my birthday she sent a sweet text to me for my birthday, it was lovely.I called to show appreciation and she said it is necessary for her to do that. That nevertheless wasn't the end of my test for I told her about my exams, earlier on, which were scheduled few days after my birthday.I didn't call her for a few days up to that day. She sent me a success text, which elated me dearly. I really appreciate this girl.Please dear friends, magnificent agony Aunts, I seek from you your candid advice and opinion. I want to actually know if this girl will really want to date me, or even be my lover ?Thanks for your generosity so far. Your candid advice and opinions are needed. I offer, at uttermost level, my thanks to you all.
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female
reader, Abella  +, writes (19 June 2015):
 May I suggest that you be honest with this girl?
Don't play games and set traps to see if she will jump through hoops for you. That suggests that you need to work on your confidence in you.
You either have faith in your judgement or you do not. If you have faith in your judgement and you are doing the right things then you will be more sure of yourself and be able to trust your judgement.
In life we make decisions all the time. The more decisions you make the better we become at making decisions and we learn from our mistakes.
A smart man never makes the same mistake a second time.
This girl sounds really lovely. She will be a very special lady for a man one day. Sounds like she has a lot of integrity and she really listens and cares.
BUT due to her commitment to her religion I think you will lose her if you propose that she become your lover.
If you only want to exercise your lovemaking skills then she is not the lady for you. I think she would prefer to find an honourable man with high standards who will delay lovemaking until after he marries the lady in question.
If you want to remain a bachelor for the next ten years then tell her that this is so.
Truthfully tell her that you do have feelings for her. But recognise that she cannot wait for you because if she is close in age to you her biological clock is ticking.
But if you do not yet feel emotionally secure enough, nor financially stable enough and not yet settled enough to contemplate marriage in the next few years then set her free.
If you only want to play the field of women and have regular sex from any willing lady then let her know that your standards do not meet her standards, at the moment.
But at all times truthfully do tell her that emotionally she has moved you and you feel very attracted to her.
Be kind to her. She has only ever been kind to you.
She is one very classy lady so please do not break her heart.
And do try to leave her on good terms if you are not yet ready for a permanent relationship where any sex needs to be delayed until after marriage.
You do seem like a very kind young man who has crushes from time to time. And if you do happen to meet girls who are easy with their favours then do remember that the easier the girl the more likely that she will more easily succumb to attention from other guys.
Whereas the girl you have a crush on may be the sort of girl, who, when she marries, - there will not be one man at the wedding, including her fiancé - who can truthfully boast that they have ever had had sex with her. Such girls are rare gems today.
When you are ready to settle down do try to remember that a man is also choosing the woman who will bring up his children.
That is why the woman he chooses to be his wife should be smarter than him, have integrity and really care about your children and you.
NOT worrying about who will be the next guy she'd like to go to bed with.
You reap what you sow. If you want this woman permanently in your life then some things may have to change. If that is too big a change for you then this woman may not be the one for you, even if she does have feelings for you and you have feelings for her.
How important is it to NOT settle down right now? You are not getting any younger.
If you ever envisage having children do you want to be a 40 year old first time Dad? A 50 year old first time Dad or a 60 year old first time Dad.
You sound like such a nice guy, do you think your own hesitancy has led to you losing very nice girls in the past, because you failed to make the moves to develop the relationship into something more right at the start and thus you left the girl wondering, so she moved on to someone else?
A
female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (18 June 2015):
You know, it really is impossible for anyone to answer this question accurately for you? We can only a hazard a guess from the way you've worded your question - which is your side of the story affected by your emotions. This is why you've had to wait such a long time for a replyFrom what you've posted - it does sound that she likes you. She's initiated contact with you, she's remembered things that you've told her about your life and has expressed an interest in them - all these things are positive signs.But whether she likes you in a romantic way or just in a friendly way? No-one can answer that question for you - you'll have to figure it out for yourself. And you can really only do that by asking her.....
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