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Does it always have to be down to race?! Would we have still been together if we were of the same complexion?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 August 2008) 3 Answers - (Newest, 19 August 2008)
A female South Africa age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid,

There's this guy I know and have liked for three years now. We started off as acquaintances and gradually became friends. We would chill together and be completely be ok in each other's company. We have so much in common. He'd even hint as though he liked me and constantly leave me thinking there was something there.

The huge problem with this though, is that we live in South Africa and he's white and I am black. This, by this simple virtue, will not work. Well, anyway, after feeling comfortable enough, I told him I liked him. I'd liked him for too long not to know and had to start thinking about my life and were it was headed. He told me that he liked me as a friend and that he had a girlfriend, which he didn't mention when we were still on the friends tip.

Anyway, I got really drunk on one holiday and shouted at him, asking why he thought he was so superior to me and that I just thought I should tell him what I was really feeling. Anyway, he apologised, but stayed away from me... Now he won't answer my calls and sms's. I've heard of all of those psycho stories about stalkers and all, I'm not one of them, but I have to admit, I did lose my cool with him a few times.

I just want to get on with my life. I just feel I can't because there's this unanswered question of whether or not we would have been if we were the same complexion, whether he ever liked me, or maybe he was just playing and lastly, how do I get over him when I see him all the time, we work at the same place. Should I just ignore him and keep walking or should I greet and say hi? Knowing that he might not even want me standing around him.

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A female reader, Teenage-Rebel United Kingdom +, writes (19 August 2008):

Teenage-Rebel agony auntRace has nothing to do with love or friendship.

You maybe should say hi to him and apologise.

See what he says and then tell him how you feel.

It doesn't matter what colour your skin is it is who you are inside is what counts.

Remeber that and good luck

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A reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2008):

I suggest you should not concentrate on the race issue; he was friends with you, so obviously 'race' did not matter to him; he probably was just not that "into" you; meaning he did not have feelings other then friendhip, but not the kind of feelings to go into a relationship;

It is a pitty that you treated him badly; now you have ruined a very good friendship;

I suggest you give it some time and then ask to talk to him; then explain to him that you are sorry about your behaviour and if you could be friends again.

I suggest you need to stop concentrating on "race"; just be yourself and love yourself and be friends with whom ever you use; if a person is in love with you they will not look at race or complextion; they will value you for who you are.

Be careful that you don't make to much of this incident; it could have happened to any two young people irrelevant of complexion or race;

I see lots of students daily from various races totally intermingled;

Remember: The youth of SA are Madiba's Rainbow Nation.

Best wishes and lots of SMILES.

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A female reader, superbunny United Kingdom +, writes (19 August 2008):

superbunny agony auntIf he had a girlfriend anyway, than there is a chance you may not have been a couple. I'm sure if he is your friend he is not judging you on your colour.

xx

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