A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I wanted to know if I have done the right thing or was there a chance that he was sort of serious about that me? There was a mutual crush between us, however we are both committed. His wife works in the same place as he does so do I, however, the crush happens when she was off for certain period due to childcare. How am I suppose to feel? To take him as a jerk because he should not be hitting on someone else( that is me) when his wife works the same place as well as taking care of their child... or having a careless attitude because he is attracted by me so it is like another one on the list... or perhaps he was serious about something because ( knowing him, he is not like someone who would be hitting on other women,yes, unless, someone attractive but still... I don't know what to think...Anyway, since I have known that he has a crush on me, unfortunately, I have fallen for that, and is sometimes responding non- verbally (trying really hard not to, I have gone to him and talked about OTHER WORK ant has not mentioned about anything. Yes, he was still gazing at me after that moment, then he came to me to talk and thank me for a gift that I have given to him ( addressed to him and his wife) because he helped me and I am leaving v.soon ( yes I am leaving being there temporarily)... I know I should be happy to be out and should be forgetting about all that...But I just want to clear things in my mind .. since I thought at that moment it was best if I did not utter a thing about any feelings because this would have brought up more feelings or who knows...Have I done the right thing? If he finds me attractive, does that mean he no longer finds his wife attractive? I just want to know why someone would do such thing? I mean I thought I knew the answer but no...Should I have spoken to him? Also to make things worse, he has a high position…Also, he did give me a card ( this is because I have not let him talk about things even though he tried an instance , I was just trying to be professional….)mentioning that I will be really missed…kisses…What does that mean?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2014): He probably does find you attractive, and the next woman, and the women gone by, and yes even his wife, once, twice,or maybe forever because she is the one he married and still is married too, and goes home to.
Romantic stories and hearts and flowers last for a short while in our dreamy minds, reality, he has a woman at home and if given the choice would drop you like a hot potato and if she found out would drop you like a hot potato aswell, stay clear of married people.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (24 August 2014):
 What he "knows" is that YOU are sending him signals that his desire to have a fling with you might be "going somewhere".... and HE is going to pursue this until he gets you to put out - surrupticiously - OR, you are going to come to your senses and tell him to take a hike... because having a fling with you will make YOU feel cheap... as it should.....
Good luck...
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (24 August 2014):
 So he cheated on HIs wife and you cheated on YOUR partner... What a mess.
How about you FOCUS on your marriage/relationship instead of mucking about with a married man?
My guess is the wife is BUSY with taking care of the child and work and have little time for "play" so he starting hitting on women and YOU responded positively so he pursued you. I think there are PLENTY of guys who go after women who are in relationships, because they think they are less needy. There is a smaller chance they will tell on them or want more.
YOU should want more, not from this douche-canoe but from your relationship and yourself.
And he can find BOTH you and your wife attractive. Most people aren't just a "1 type" only. And, I think what he found most attractive about you, was that you were willing to play these ridiculous games with him.
Stop playing these fantasy games, there is nothing hot or romantic about ruining someone else marriage and potentially your own marriage/relationship. I mean HOW do you think your partner would feel if he found out? You think he'd be proud of you? Happy for you? Or just hurt and crushed?
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A
female
reader, Lonely 81  +, writes (24 August 2014):
Yes I think you have done the right thing! If he wanted to leave his wife, he should do that and even if it wasn't married, getting tangled up with a higher level worker is not a good idea either.
I am sure he does find you attractive, but this way you get to leave with your pride & morals in tact. & your ego gets a little boost too!
Well done!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2014): In short this sounds like an emotional mess to me and the chances are he loves or finds his wife attractive because there is much more of a bond. You are simply flirting with a married man at work - boosting his ego - (who holds a senior position) and whose wife also works there. Do yourself a massive favour and when you take your time away - make it more permanent. Take time to reflect on your own behaviour and what you want from your life get some self respect. You have both your professional reputation and your personal pride to consider here. I would bet you are not his first (or last) 'victim'. Just get him and the whole mess out your system and start fresh. Count yourself lucky you haven't got any more embroiled. I feel sorry for
his wife whether or not he finds her attractive or anyone else is irrelevant here.
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