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Does he want a relationship or does he just want to fool around?

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 July 2016) 9 Answers - (Newest, 1 August 2016)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, *W writes:

Been on 2 dates with this guy.

Date one: we went to the cinema. He didn't wait long into the movie before he made a move and kissed me. After the film, we took a small walk to a roof garden. He kissed me a lot there. Then he messaged me after the date asking how I found it. Thoughts about him.

Date 2: his house. We watched a movie and made out. He cooked dinner and we just lay around. This time, he didn't message me after the date. I messaged him to thank him for dinner and his reply was "cutie X"

Question is; does he like me? Is he interested in a relationship or does he want to fool around?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2016):

hey, just wanted to say it sounds like he is trying to use you for sexual stuff and that he isnt actually interested in you. it seems that he is moving very fast.

please be careful. i dont want you to get hurt.

also i think that you shouldnt go to his house alone (just you and him) or in his bedroom until at least 4 months after you are in an official relationship.

take things slow dont rush and this will tell you whether he is truly interested in you or not.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2016):

Thing is... I am bad at this meeting new people and going on dates. It's something that is hard for me to do.

But with this guy, it felt different. I did feel too scared to meet him the first time.

I'm just at a lost. Part of me is like leave well alone and move on girl.

The other part is saying, just keep going. See what happens

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2016):

I think you've got a gut feeling about this guy and the fact you have to ask if he is after sex shows that you know already he's showing the signs of that. Kissing you on a first date at a movie is kind of disrespectful actually, you barely know him and he's assumed it's alright to go in for a kiss. Inviting you to his house for a 2nd date is moving very quickly and again all he wanted to do was get physical. I wouldn't, if I were you, be setting up or accepting a 3rd date and would move on and find someone a little bit less keen to get some action from you.

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A female reader, Anonymous 123 Italy + , writes (31 July 2016):

Anonymous 123 agony auntMy vote is in favor of fooling around.

That's pretty much what what your dates were. You even landed up at his place on the very second date and you guys made out. This is when you should be getting to know each other better.

Doesn't seem very relationshippy to me at the moment and I don't think he has any intentions to take it there either

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A male reader, DarrellG United Kingdom +, writes (31 July 2016):

DarrellG agony auntOp,

Id trust your judgement here, you say:

"I feel it's always very physical and that I'm not getting to know him."

I think you either express those feelings and see what he says (and be prepared to give up if the response isnt that great and confirms your worst fears), otherwise just give up. Either/or really. If you think its worth it then by all means confront him but if you dont then get rid straight away. I see no reason why you shouldnt trust your own intuition on this one and tbh your answering your own question I think, good luck :)

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A female reader, Andie's Thoughts United Kingdom + , writes (31 July 2016):

Andie's Thoughts agony auntThe only way to be sure a guy likes you for you and not for the messing around is to keep things public for a while and not let things go so fast.

Try creating some physical space to get to know each other without being physical at all.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2016):

He asked just after the film if I enjoyed it. And then he asked if I wanted to go for dinner (this was after the film). However I couldn't stay as I had something on in the evening. So we went for a little walk before my lift back.

I feel we haven't spoken as much as you should. I feel it's always very physical and that I'm not getting to know him.

I suggested to go for coffee to talk and get to know each other but he didn't seem too keen.

Should I just give up?

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A male reader, DarrellG United Kingdom +, writes (31 July 2016):

DarrellG agony auntOp,

Lets take this in order:

Date 1: Bit narcisstic there I think, did he ask about you, did you enjoy the film etc? Everybody is a bit nervous after dates and wants to know what the other thinks of them but that was his first comment, seriously?? Id tend to ask what kind of kissing, affectionate, or sexual?

Date 2: Well...its a compliment....I guess....did he try to move the making out on??

Seriously. I think youve obviously been burned in this area before and/or you know your attractive and think thats all guys could ever want you for to be this suspiscious this early on.

In general, id say you have to discern this one for yourself (because you dont give many details), look at things like; what is the non-physical time like, is he interested and engaged with you, what your talking about, doing, etc or does he seem to be in a rush hurry to get to the physical stuff? Look at things like that and you will find your answer and trust your judgment. Good luck x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2016):

Well, so far, your two dates involved fooling around.

The first date left little to no room for conversation but still left it open for kissing. He immediately texted afterwards when you guys were "high" from your date.

So your answer of having fun was "yes" it set the tone as something you're cool with all the time. Second date, he cooked you dinner, you watched a movie and made out. Second date: he spent very little money, spent TIME on you and had you AT HIS HOUSE while looking sweet and thoughtful (and he may be), but it DOES seem very fast.

I would initiate the next date with several ideas in mind but only share one of them at a time, "hey, how about we check out Local Owned Diner during my lunch break/an hour before I have to be somewhere? My treat." (This gives time for conversation in PUBLIC but little time for make out) If he rejects that, try maybe a local museum or a picnic (where ppl can SEE you). If he's vague, "maybe sometime" then, it sounds like his dates are more sexually aimed.

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