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Does he seem interested or does he just talk to me when he's bored?

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Question - (6 September 2016) 4 Answers - (Newest, 10 September 2016)
A age 36-40, * writes:

I'm 32 and over the past month have been seeing this guy whom I was set up with by a close friend of mine. He's my age, successful and doesn't seem to bear a ton of ''ex-relationship' baggage or children. I on the other hand have a 9-year-old, son. This guy is supper easy to talk to and I enjoy his company. We've only physically, face-to-face spent time together a handful of times. The rest has been texting. You initiates and reciprocates conversation via text easily and willingly. Weekends tend to come around and he's always busy, but will sneak in a few words here and there. He always asks what I'm doing, but rarely will ask for me to join him. Which, I knew from the get-go he's been single awhile and is busy. I wouldn't expect him just to up and drop everything for me. He's fun and flirty with me via text. My question is does this guy seem interested or just entertaining me when he's bored?!

View related questions: flirt, text

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (10 September 2016):

CindyCares agony aunt Good, then if he tells you what he does on weekends, you can sort of assess if it's something you could reasonable be involved in ?...

Like, if he is going to a wedding or other family celebration, then no, it makes sense he would not think yet of inviting you. If it's an all-boys sport-cum-beer thing too, ditto, maybe he thinks you would feel out of place. If he uses his weekend to catch up with laundry and cleaning the bathroom... well,then be happy he does not invite you :).

But if he does " normal " things...say, a movie or a walk or a trip to the mall , on his own, or with a mixed group of people, well, not that he HAS to ask you, but tbh I think that if his interest were more than lukewarm it would be sort of natural for him to ask you.

Then again, maybe he is one who takes things slow, and/or does not want you to become too coupley before he has decided that he WANTS to form a couple with you. Which it has not happened yet, I guess, and he prefers to just hang out more casually for the moment.

Which there's nothing wrong with, of course, as long as the " moment " does not drags on and on indefinitely, and you get stuck at the hanging out phase, which is not what you want.

It's early to worry, though- one month, - you can allow yourself to give him some more rope. Then if in another month or so, weekends are still forbidden territory, you can pass to the experiment suggested by the other poster. Tell him with ample notice that you want to go to see X show or concert, and you would love him to accompany you. Or, simply and frankly tell him that , for a change, you would like to spend a Saturday or a Sunday, with him, let's see if we can come up with some plan that suites us both.

If he drops the ball, in lack of course of previous work or family committment - uhm. You can be pretty sure that it means something not very posistive.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2016):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

In response to the 1st response, yes he does tell me what his weekend plans are and does randomly text me on weekends asking what I'm up to. We've been hanging out about a month and I've seen him about 5 times. It's not like he goes completely MIA, but it's tough to have interest in someone and you're not 100% if they are on the same page. I guess I don't want to come off as over-bearing or obnoxious at this point because I'm not sure what we are. He does initiate texting conversations so that's a plus. I just need a clever way to bring up seeing him on weekends.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2016):

The day and age where men always make the first move is over. These days, men do not presume that women want to be asked out or be accompanied.

If you like this guy, make a move. Plan something for the weekend and give him plenty of advance notice so the busy excuse can't be made. Or tell him a week in advance that you want to spend the following weekend with him, doing whatever he does.

Make it clear somehow that you welcome more than just texting. If he doesn't take things up a notch as a result, then you have your answer.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (6 September 2016):

CindyCares agony aunt Oh really ? What is he so busy what, any idea ? Did he ever volunteer any information about his busy weekends ?

I can understand being superbusy at work, but being that apparently his weekends are pretty free, I think that if he were interested he would be showing it by making sure his is the kind of busy that you can join too.

Like, if he has a circle of friends who always hang out on Sundays, cool, why could you not be introduced to them and see how you all get along ? If he plays a sport every weekend , why are you not invited to cheer for him from the stands ? If he does DIY projects, why could you not be called in to lend a hand ?...

At least occasionallY. Maybe not every single time, but surely more than a handful of times !

When there's a will there's a way.. and a person who is interested for real, is also inevitably interested to somehow fit you in all aspects of his life and share his passions and interests with you. That's what " getting to knw a person " is about. As long it's all an exchange of words ( and by text, too ) - meh: to me it does not sound like a lot of interest.

Of course, there is always the possibility ( sorry to bring it up, but it's such a distinct possibility that I am surprised you haven't thought of it ) that one of the things he is always so busy with on weekends is another lady, or other ladies, and that's why he is so stingy of invitations with you.

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