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Does he really like me? Or was he using me?

Tagged as: Three is a crowd<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (2 September 2013) 3 Answers - (Newest, 3 September 2013)
A female United States age 22-25, anonymous writes:

So I've liked this kid, I'll call him Justin, for a while. Three years ago, we used to date. I always liked him but at the time I was in an off period with a guy named Alex, he was abusive and manipulated me to go back to him.

So about two years go by without seeing Justin and I join my towns rescue squad. It had to be some kind of omen or fate that I got out on the same nights as he was. So we started talking again. It started out as just friends because the other girl on the squad, younger and hotter than me, was messing with his head even though she had a boyfriend. They eventually stopped talking and she got kicked off for doing drugs and missing calls.

So Justin started sort of showing an interest in me. After our shift, he asked me to come over one night. It led to him telling me he likes me to us making out for about two hours. Just making out, no sex ( I'm a virgin). So this is where the problem arises.

This has been going on for over three months and I finally got the nerve to ask him if he wants to date me. I was nervous. He says no because its not a good time for him, that he won't be able to commit and that he might be moving to the town over soon. So of course, I pretend to be fine and understanding but thankfully I had to go home cause my mom called me.

I asked him last night and I've been upset since. I mean, I try not to like people because I know that I'm just an awful person. I'm not that cute looking and my past isn't the best.

My ex Alex has heard about this and he's been putting me down. Telling me that Justin was using me to get off and all this other stuff. I don't know if I should believe that or not. Justin doesn't seem like the type of guy to use someone but then again he's a guy.

I'm seriously debating about going back with Alex though now. I mean, he seems to really like me and care a lot.

But I just want to know if Justin really likes me or he's just using me. Any thoughts?

View related questions: drugs, period

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

So I'm doing a mix of all of your answers. Imma be Justin's friend but tell him I can't continue fooling around because then I just don't feel comfortable knowing that he has no real want to commit just yet.

I told Alex to screw off already. He doesn't and never will know Justin. He only found out what was going on because my ex best friend found out and told him in retaliation for something that happened years ago.

My past isn't with drug but with depression and other issues. I go to therapy.

Thank you

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A female reader, Aunty Babbit United Kingdom +, writes (2 September 2013):

Aunty Babbit agony auntFirstly, DO NOT get back together with Alex, he's mean and a bully, he puts you down and makes you feel bad about yourself.

Your relationship with him is abusive, you need to end it completely and avoid any contact with him. Do not take his calls, do not chat with him and do not listen to the rubbish he spouts about you.

Secondly, guys do not "make out" for 2 hours with girls that they do not find attractive. I think Justin does like you but genuinely doesn't want to get into something too heavy because he might be moving away and doesn't want to hurt you.

It was a brave and mature thing for you to do to tell Justin how you feel and I think he admires you for it.

Your main problem is low self esteem, not feeling worthy of anyone's love, interest or affection. That's heart breaking because that is so not true that is just poison dripped into your head by Alex over the years.

Look at the friends you have and the things you do? You're lovely and giving and selfless.

You need to hold your head up high and be proud of the woman you are. When you learn to appreciate yourself others will too.

Kick Alex to the kerb and work on your self esteem, carry on being a good friend to Justin and I think things may well blossom for you.

AB x

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A male reader, dougbcoll United States + , writes (2 September 2013):

dougbcoll agony auntWell on the positive side of things Justin was honest with you. "that he won't be able to commit", he could have led you own to try have sex with you, and use you. At least you know were he stands, and you don't need to waste your time with him, and invest for nothing.

Your boyfriend Alex knew you was with the other guy and could be jealous that you with that guy, or may know more about this guys character than is revealed too you.

If this one guy says he is not ready to date, and invest in the future with you, take that as a warning ,or you may get burnt. wWhat he is saying he is not ready to invest in you, but fool around with you.

Slow down, you are young, think things through. If this guy gave you a clear warning that "he is not ready to commit" take heed. Two hours making out, you have got his motor running. He may and more than likely he will want to step it up to get what he wants at your expense. It does not sound like love. Your ex Alex may be trying to give you a warning about this guy.

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