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Does he prefer the sex toys and and porn over me?

Tagged as: Dating, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 December 2010) 9 Answers - (Newest, 3 January 2011)
A female United States age 30-35, *rea27 writes:

Ok so I've seen this posted before, but mine feels a little different. I know my boyfriend likes to jack off. Never botherd me. But we are going on almost 2 yrs and sex is fading. Maybe once a week. Now he has this fake vagina, that I got for him. He didnt like it at first, but now that we dont have sex he use it when ever he can get a chance alone. He never trys with me only his porn n toy. What bothers me the most is when we do finally do it, I leave, he will still play with him self. is it because he likes what he see on the pornos.Does seeing the girls turn him on more. Does that toy feel better then me??? Im a good looking girl.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2011):

I can't speak for your boyfriend, but I'm about the same age and have the same issue with my wife. I love having sex with her when we do, but sometimes I just like to use my toy. For me, it has a little to do with the fact that she's mostly boring and only wants 1 thing all the time and I like things differently so I get it from porn.

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A female reader, AuntyMaur Australia +, writes (31 December 2010):

AuntyMaur agony auntI think your gut feeling is telling you something is wrong.

There is alot more to a relationship than sex though sexual intimacy is important.

My opionion once the sex has gone its gone. It appears alot of your energy is about the sexual stuff perhaps its an escape -perhaps there is more than sexual issues going on here.

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A female reader, drea27 United States +, writes (31 December 2010):

drea27 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

What I mean by good looking is, I knwo his not watching porn because the girls are hot, and it isnt that his not attracted to me thats making him watch porn. Just my way of eliminating things to get a straight answer. and I bought him the toy to spice up are sex life and it was also a big turn on for me to watch it being used. He didnt like the toy at first when we used it togethe, but said now he gets into it now and then he started using it alone. I have had talks with him and told him we need to work on r sex life, I said if theres anything he wants me to do or would like for me to do,I will do. He didnt know what he likes. I will admit I am a bit shy in bed, but if I feel like he was into me, I'd feel better doing it, or if I knew what he liked , Id feel good doing it. But he has also never been the type to do anything for me, his a very lazy lover. But to much blabbin from me. My only worrie the most is, is he just tired of having sex with me period, and rather play with his toy even if it is only once a week?? I do have needs and I do talkm to him but Im starting to feel stupid by saying how I feel n he not do anything about it.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010):

He likes sex toys, but doesn't prefer them, just like how women love rabbit vibrators but they would still choose real sex. Sex toys can make an orgasm quicker then a human partner can, but they lack that special magic that a real person provides, the intimate contact, staring into each other's eyes etc.

To really make sex great, try using sex toys with each other, this way you can get an incredible feeling but with the intimacy of the love in your relationship. If you visit a sex therapist I can almost tell you for sure they will recommend playing with adult stuff together. Try TheAdultToyShoppe.com and you can get some very nice suggestions.

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A female reader, No watered down advice here! United States +, writes (27 December 2010):

No watered down advice here! agony aunt#GOODLOOKING! You being a good looking girl have nothing to do with this. He’s addicted to porn and that toy YOU gave him. I’m curious…Why did you buy him that toy, that you’re now pissed that he likes it? ijs. Men have dealt with women loving our toys for years! And now he has a toy, MIND YOU… (That you gave him) and it’s a problem? LOL! Be careful what gifts you buy, because they’ll turn out to not be gifts after all but rather a REPLACEMENT! (He need HELP and FAST! anytime a MAN take fake over the real there's something wrong) No matter how many toys I have I want the real deal! LOL!

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A female reader, AuntyMaur Australia +, writes (27 December 2010):

AuntyMaur agony auntMen are very visual people - Hence the porn etc , he has a kinky side though many people do.

Perhaps his sexual appetite is not being fulfilled. Everyone has different, some unusal sexual needs & Boundaries,doesnt make him or her good, nor bad just different needs. If his sexual fantasies are interfering with your relationship then perhaps the diiferences are to vast.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010):

i am a guy. most of our fantasies are born from what we see in porn movies k. we like to try lotta different things as we see them done in this movies. his toys ore obedient, manipulative (he can do whateva he wishes wit them. so u have to do what these whores (permit me to say) do in these movies you have to be a nasty bitch sexwise to win ur man back. diff styles, positions, anything u can think of. ask him what his sexual fantasies are, wat he wants u to do to him & wat he wants to try. be his toy baby & u'll win him back

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010):

Theres a fair chance he's got gotten a psychological stimulated comfort zone intact here and that is, he's used to being stimulated by himself and watching porn which is a disaster for any sex life. He has gotten used to the fake thing, not the real and BEST thing and that is your body. Solution: He needs to stop watching the porn and using the toy altogether. I hope he hasnt built up a tolerance level for stimulation i e he needs to be very very stimulated to be turned on. Thats not healthy. Id for sure tell him how you feel and communicate that to him and how you feel useless and perhaps demeaned. Good luck here. My best on this for you :)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010):

Sounds like you need to switch it up a little, make it sexy. Possibly get a sexy outfit wear some heels or something. Not to be rude but it sounds kinda like he has a bit of a problem though, but try switching it up..or ask him about it even. Fulfill his fantasy.

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