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Does he have erectile dysfunction or does he not desire me? How can I figure this out?

Tagged as: Health, Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 July 2009) 9 Answers - (Newest, 18 July 2009)
A female age 41-50, anonymous writes:

How do I know ,if my husband has erectal dyssfunction,or he just does not desire sex with me?

It is important to know, as it is too different situation,one,what I can handle, and the other, I can't.

He is not medically sick,as he went for check up, but it is chronic situation, and he never can hold an erection,if he ever gets one.

It is really frustrating, but we can't talk about this anymore,as we did million times,and he does no now why.

Pleae, help me to find answer to this...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009):

There is actually a test for that you can do at home. I am COMPLETELY serious. A man has a cycle in which every time he enters REM sleep, i am not sure how long the cycle last, but i thinks its one time per hour, he gets a natural erection. What you are supposed to do is one of two things. First, he should have an erection when he first wakes up in the morning. If he has a good erection then, but now when your having sex, then it's psychological. If however, in the morning, he is not very hard, then it's physical. This is absolutely true, a doctor told me to do this a long time ago with my ex husband. If he has good ones as "morning wood", but not with you then sorry honey. But if his morning erections are not good either, he needs to go to see a doctor. This is usually the first sign of prostate problems, high blood pressure, diabetes, a number of disorders. SO, seriously, there's your answer. You could even put a little peice of tape around it and if the tape breaks open, then you know the answe,

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2009):

sounds like ED. if he desires you then he'll be willing to go to a doctor and try and fix the problem! if he just doesn't fancy you then he will make excuses not to go. and as for the male reader who suggests its your fault because you :

"nag him alot? do you critisize him all the time?do you humiliate him? Do you complain all the time about one thing or another? have you let your self down so you are no longer attractive to look at?"

considering he based this on nothing and it's totally out of the blue i think he may have his own issues to deal with. if your husband no longer fancies you then hurtful as it may be you should find someone who does. because he will be out there

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A male reader, wherestheinstructions? United Kingdom +, writes (17 July 2009):

Does he get an erection if you perform oral sex on him without any pressure for him to have intercourse ? If so, it could help distinguish whether it's psychological or not.

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico + , writes (17 July 2009):

Danielepew agony auntIf his physiology is right, he will have an erection while asleep. Stay up one day and check if this happens. If it happens, then the problem is not physiological.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009):

Do you nag him alot? do you critisize him all the time?do you humiliate him? Do you complain all the time about one thing or another? have you let your self down so you are no longer attractive to look at? 90% these are the reasons why a guy no longer desires his partner.Marriage sucks when it becomes a long list of unfulfilled wishes and complaints by the wife.Try to build his self confidence. try to make him feel he is worthy. if the above points apply to you,and you can not mend them then do not try to push yourself on to him coz that will make him even angrier with you.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009):

The same thing has happen to me. And believe me I wanted my G/F in the worst way. I when to the doctor and he said that I was perfectly fine. He told me that stress is a BIG part of it. And what really sucks about it is once it happens once that its stuck in your head and your thinking about it all the time so your stressed even more. Has your husband been stressed lately? If so Try to get him to relax. Is your sex life planed? We have kids and I knew when they went to bed that's when we would be making love and I would start thinking about it and stress my self out. Is he the one that starts the love making? Here's my advice for you. Try not to plane your sex life. Try to do sexy things in front of him. Like getting dressed in front of him wearing something sexy for him or getting out of the shower and walk around nude if you can. just through him down and have at it. And see what happens. Because I know from my experience if he's thinking about it its never going to happen. Hope this helps. And I'm sure he still wants you ever much.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009):

I would think at his age that he is just having ED...so don't let it get to you that he doesn't desire you.

It could be a sign that he needs his testosterone levels checked because that can be a cause, low levels. Also, stress, and poor circulation and or high blood pressure. He really needs to have his heart and arteries checked as this is often the first sign of those type of problems. A regular check up would not always show this...but he needs to see a urologist first and have some further tests done.

And there is medication for this problem, has he tried any of that?

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A female reader, redemption United States +, writes (17 July 2009):

He's most likely suffering from a form of ED if he is around your age. Has this always happened? If you're concerned, you could both talk to his doctor about viagra.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2009):

I have had this problem too with an ex-partner, and he was very young to be having these problems (21.) We did not talk extensively about it but I could tell the pressure of not performing got to him more and it happened more often - performance anxiety. Perhaps it is your previous conversations which have had an adverse effect on his ability to retain an erection?

You can answer your own question - from the sounds of things, he is still trying. Trying to have sex whilst knowing he could again face humiliation is a sure sign that he still desires you and is desperate to please you.

It would be another matter altogether if he made excuses, rolled over, ignored you, gently moved your hands off him. If this is the case, you should look seriously at your marriage.

As it seems to me that your husband dotes on you by subjecting himself to this in an attempt to keep you happy, I would advise him to go and talk to his doctor. He will more than likely be reluctant, but talk to him sincerely, and persuade him of the merits of seeking help.

However, you must examine your own motives - are you asking this question because you yearn for more tenderness and miss your husband, or are you looking for an excuse to get out of a sexless marriage? I hope it's the prior, and if so, I hope you can work it out :)

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