A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year now and I feel like the spark is gone.He means so much to me, and often tells me how he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, I would love to always be with him, he is my best friend but sometimes I wonder if the lack of attraction may affect our relationship in the long run as recently I find myself thinking about what it would be like to be with another man.. As I have only ever been with my boyfriend and have never been in any other relationship except this one.I know I'm lucky to have found someone who loves me so much and who I feel so comfortable with, I'm not unhappy with my relationship just concerned about it's future.Does attraction fade away the longer you're with someone and attachment increase?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 August 2012):
 The spark is the feeling of being in love. This feeling comes from a chemical in your brain that tells you it is time to breed, basically. It makes you happy, crazy, feel dizzy just by looking at the one you like, makes you only think about him, makes you absolutely adore everything about him, even the bad sides. When in love your love-interest can do no wrong, and is absolutely perfect.
But this chemical doesn't last for long. In general, and this comes from a scientific study, it lasts for 6 months. Maybe a year and a half, if you strech is. Then it fades away, and now is the time when you fully get to see who you're with, good and bad the same. Now is the time when you can start to actually love someone.
Some people can manage to fall back in love over the years, or manage to stay in love... but it's not a given really. It's not his fault, or your fault, that you fell out of love (unless he actually did something to break your heart or shatter the rose tinted glasses). But being IN love and LOVING someone are two very different things. Infatuation vs love. The infatuation is what has disappeared in your relationship, and I am willing to bet that you'll end up in this situation with the next boyfriend as well, after about a year. Chasing the "in love feeling" isn't what gives you a good lasting relationship. If you chase that feeling you will be going in and out of relationships your entire life.
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