A
female
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*raceywayner
writes:My son is 23 and has been dating a girl for about 8 months now. She is 22 and has a 4 year old son, Grady. . I was a little concerned with them dating not wanting him to get involved in an ex bf new bf drama, Last weekend we were invited to the little boys fourth birthday party. My husband and I went along with my son. He told us the her ex would be there also. I was shocked at the way they all acted towards teach other. The ex and his parents were there along with her parents. It was held at a Little Gym. Before cutting the cake they got some pictures. They got pictures of the ex, my sons gf and Grady. Then some with my son, the girl , the ex and Grady. The ex and his parents came over and introduced themselves to us. After the party was over everyone ( her parents, ex, his portents and my sons. My husband and I ) went to a local park. The men all talked sports. The girlfriend was asking the ex mothers advice on redecorating, I was blown away with how well everyone got along. From hearing conversations I gathered that the ex and my sons gf are very close. Calling and texting each other regularly and even hanging out together This morning I noticed pictures in Facebook. Grady had a year end soccer party and my son was there and of course beside him was the ex. As I looked through pictures I noticed the ex in a lot of pictures. They took Grady to the movies over the weekend and the ex tagged along. I mentioned it to my son. And my son just rolled his eyes and said he would rather not talk about the ex. I'm gathering his friendly behaviour around the ex and his family is an act. Does anyone else thinks that they closeness between the ex and my sons gf is a little odd?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 August 2014):
 I am not sure if what you refer to as " rhe ex " and " the ex's parents " are Grady's dad and Grady's grandparents ?... If they are , I don't see what the big deal is, I'd say that it's super normal for the dad and the grandparents of a 4 y.o. kid to attend his birthday party or his year end soccer party ! ( They sure have more title to that than your son , if we want to be finicky ). That they choose to be pleasant and polite with all the other guests, including the kid's mom's new boyfriend, rather than looking daggers at him or picking a fight... to quote another poster, I find it odd that you think it's odd.
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reader, MSA  +, writes (14 August 2014):
 I think this is a great relationship your son, his girlfriend, her kid, and her ex has. You should be proud and feel fortunate to be a part of it all.
I truly hope you see the good in this!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2014): I think its odd that you find people getting along to be odd.... It sounds a hell of a lit better than the alternative.
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female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (13 August 2014):
 All these people and the relations are giving me a headache, and that's because this kind of closeness is almost unheard of. Imagine if the ex has a girlfriend and kid too, do they all celebrate together? Instead of two families there would be three families. It will feel odd, because the ex is not upset that the baby mama is with someone new; your son does not worry that his girlfriend would rekindle things with ex; the grandma accepts the ex and your son as her own two sons, etc.
I actually think these kinds of gathering should be separate. I don't see what they are doing as open minded, liberal. When I first saw Gwen Stefani's video, "Cool," I felt the actors in there are just acting, it can't be real. Your son knows what you are already thinking. Maybe he doesn't want to talk about it because it makes him uncomfortable and he isn't ready to change things. His girlfriend may not want to cut ties. She wants to be part of the crowd and be loved by anyone. Your son could just be going along with it.
We have familial rules, customs drilled into us, what's normal, so I find it hard to believe they can just ignore these norms and that you feel like you are coming from a different planet. It certainly doesn't make you small minded or petty. I do think it's a good thing that everyone can be that friendly, although it's hard to adjust to that at first.
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reader, devont  +, writes (13 August 2014):
 One of my friends is in a similar situation, her husband keeps in very close contact with his ex wife, they get along famously and they all go out with the children as a family with two sets of parents and three sets of grandparents.I find it a little strange - especially as the ex wife leaves comments on my friend's facebook with 'tips' on how to manage the children and her husband, for all the world to see. But hey, it works for them and it works for the kids, so I've not commented on it to my friend.I think your son should be congratulated for being extremely mature and understanding, a lesser man would be threatened by the ex and not be able to handle it. If everyone is happy... let them be, and don't comment on it again.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): "I mentioned it to my son. And my son just rolled his eyes and said he would rather not talk about the ex. I'm gathering his friendly behaviour around the ex and his family is an act."I'm gathering that your adult son was politely telling his pushy mother to butt out. "Does anyone else thinks that they closeness between the ex and my sons gf is a little odd?"I think referring to guests at a four-year-old's birthday party exclusively as "the ex and his parents" when they are in fact the child's father and grandparents is "a little odd."I commend your son's girlfriend for maintaining a cordial relationship with her son's father and grandparents to the point where they celebrate milestones together as a family, which in the child's eyes they are (and the law's as well).What would you prefer, that she allow her grievances against a former boyfriend to affect his relationship with their child to the point that every event in Grady's life would be marked with two separate celebrations, one for the mother's side and one for the father's? I can only hope that your son and girlfriend don't have children and then break up because in that case the kid's small-minded petty paternal grandparents would probably be urging their son to exercise his territorial privilege and exclude "the ex and her parents" from any occasion where the child would be present.If I were "the ex's parents" then I might think that inviting my son's baby mama's new boyfriend's parents to my grandson's birthday party when they are not related by blood, marriage or adoption would be "a little odd."
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reader, SeaGreen +, writes (13 August 2014):
 It's not common but it's a nice alternate especially for the young child.
Regardless it's none of your concern. I wouldn't mention it again to your son.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2014): I think it is unusual but that is what makes it fantastic, and if only every one could get along like this so that the CHILDREN don't loose out. It is obviously doing no harm to your son or he would not go along with it. The girlfriend is open and has nothing to hide. The x and his parents come and introduce themselves to you,great manners and respect. Pictures of Dad with his child and Mother, then pictures which include your son, brilliant. It probably is odd to a lot of people,because their perspective is that an X is taboo,but when a child is involved an X will always be a part of the childs life and the new partners have a choice either to accept the situation gracefully or pick up the war drum and create years of trouble that effects everyone.You could enjoy this unusual extended family set up it can be quite amusing. I have a similar set up and it works great, felt bizzar at first but I felt quite proud at how I went against all my beliefs of what I previously thought I could never accept.Great friendships can come out of these UNUSUAL set ups. People can come out of relationships as friends and never feel anymore than friendship for their x. The x and your son could become life long friends, you could become his friend too.
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