A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:This is just a general question, but do you agony aunts find that girls have a harder time getting over exes than guys?Every girl I know has an ex who they still have a thing for if even in just a small way. I admit to still being attracted to.some exes but nothing past that.I also see that most guys I know get over reltiomships seemingly without any second thought.Even on this website, most questions regarding "the ex-factor" are submittes by women getting over their ex.Just a general opinion question, do you think women have a more difficult time letting go?Thank you for reading! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 July 2012):
 I think it appears that way in general because women are taught that it's ok to be openly emotional but men are taught to hold it in...
I think men hurt too but they suffer in silence...
A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (17 July 2012):
 As a general answer I would say yes but that is because women are more open with their feelings where as guys tend to ignore it and partake in other activities. Both have difficulty letting go if the feelings were there but we associated crying and talking about it as having a tougher time dealing with it, then going out with the guys and partying is seen as a heartless way to move on. In both cases there are alot of feelings still there.
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A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (17 July 2012):
I think men AND women have an equally hard time getting over an ex. Women are more forward to admitting feelings and asking for advice than men so women become an easier statistic to actually count. It really just depends on a lot of things like age group, social life, career and so many other things.
I think the difference is that most men find the situation all too familiar since it can be associated with rejection. But because a lot of men find it hard to express themselves, they will have as much trouble over coming a breakup as a women who is engrossed in her hurt emotions.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 July 2012):
 I think women and men process breakups differently. Like going to the doctor. I think more men die from stubbornness each year than women. Women go see their gynos, get their mammograms, and seem to pay more attention to their physical symptoms. They are also far more likely to have friends with whom to discuss feelings and are more likely to be willing to discuss feelings.
Men tend to be expected to fix things by themselves, solve their own issues, not be soft or weak or vulnerable, so while they may be reeling from a breakup, they are far less likely to post about it.
I think guys appear to get over exes faster because they are not supported when they show signs of grief or sorrow over a breakup. Also, men do not as rule spend a great deal of time discussing their feelings about a breakup. This does not mean they don't have feelings, it just means they don't much like making those feelings public, even on an anonymous forum like DC.
I think 'letting go' is actually easier if you have had a chance to process the breakup and created some sort of 'closure' for it. I think women tend to do this more naturally than men.
Girls are encouraged to be good girlfriends and supportive and talk about their feelings. Boys are encouraged to be competitive and stoic and strong which means: "don't be soft and show signs of weakness."
In the divorces I have witnessed, the men (to me) take it harder, they have more trouble coping and have less support.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (17 July 2012):
 Quite a few of them do seem to. I'm surprised that the ones who write and are (understandably) all upset when they've been dumped, or even when they have ended a relationship, still often seem to pine for their ex - some of whom sound like real nasty "pieces of work."
On the other hand, we do see a fair number of posts from men who have been dumped, or had their (now ex) girlfriends behave badly to them, or cheat or lie.
So it seems there is plenty of unhappiness over ex's for both sexes!
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