A
female
age
,
*abbydo
writes:I have 2 daughters(11 and 14) and have been separated 28 months. 3 months ago i met a guy and we started a relationship. He's divorced with 2 boys(13 and 16)I seem to be attracted to dominant, controlling men and "D" is no exception. However he is very supportive and loving and I'm mad about him.My problem is that my youngest absolutely hates my new partner. He has been quite strict with her and thinks he doesn't like her (she is far more free-sprited than his sons) She'll barely answer him and disappears when he visits our house. She refuses to visit his house. She calls him "The control freak" and says his sons are robots who he doesn't allow any free will. (It's true that when they're with him-every other weekend they're on their very best behaviour and quite wary of him)We obviously have very different parenting styles and to make matters worse, I have just got my girls 2 long-promised kittens. My boyfriend loathes cats and is not happy.My queston is ....am i deluding myself that somehow we'll all one day be able to be one combined family and is my boyfriend likely to compromise enough to make our relationship work?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2007): You are most definitely deluding yourself. You just described a man who has the potential for being cold, detached and abusive. You will never make it work. Once the romantic thrall is off this relationship and reality sets in...all hell will break loose. And I think you know it. If you daughter is already calling him a control freak, then I have to say..she's right and darned observant. And this is just after 3 months! Ask yourself, if his tendency to take charge of everything (which makes YOU feel taken care of) is really how you want to live, for years to come. Is this what you truely want for your daughters? He will control your life wholly and he will always be at odds with your children, because they will rebel, they will continue to hate him and they will resent you for bringing such a man into their life. Think about that one and protect your daughters. This guy is not the one for you and think about gaining strength as a woman, so you don't attract dominating, controlling men into your life. Relationships are all about equality and respect. And in the future, take the highest precautions about the type of men you allow in your life...your daughters needs must be considered here, first and foremost.
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reader, miss fit +, writes (7 May 2007):
i totally agree with penta, because unlike you, your kids aren't seeing him through rose coloured glasses. he doesn't want the kittens cos he doesn't like them. he doesnt care what your kids want or what you as their mother promised them.
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reader, penta  +, writes (7 May 2007):
 I would dump him on the cat thing alone. Seriously, if his sons are wary of him, that sets off alarm bells to me -- and should to you, too.
I'm not saying that your youngest should try to drive off any and all potential partners, but I think you should try to talk to her and find out why she doesn't like him. Without getting her defensive; just sit down with her and say, "I want to understand your feelings. Why don't you like him?" THEN LISTEN. She may have some good points.
Since you've only been with him for 3 months, it's entirely possible that your attraction to him is covering up some very real issues that the children see quite clearly. Proceed with caution.
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