A
male
age
36-40,
*haniajardine
writes:My husband and I have been married for 8 months and told he confused to me that from October 2008 - January 2009 he had an affair. He proposed to me on new years eve 2009, that means whiel he was having an affair he asked me to marry him. I had NO idea , not once did I ever think he had cheated, it came out of no where. He said that it was killing him and he had to tell me and that eh wanted to tell mo so many times but he was afraid that I would hate him. I don't know what to do. I am hurt and mad at what he did but I want to forgive. Then on the other hand I hate him. I can't thunk of laying in bed with him knowing what he did. We dated for almost 4 yrs before we dated , he was the only guy that I ever loved. Should I forgive him , will I ever get over the hurt and do you think that he will do it again. I know you guys don't know him and can't say yes or no to these questions but in general do you think once a cheat always a cheat.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2010): He was able to live with his cheating for a prolonged period of time before, yet he continued to do it. This was not a one time thing. He even asked you to marry him while he was cheating. He told you to relieve his guilt, not out of fairness to you. If he really loved you he would not have had an ongoing affair, nor would he have married you knowing what he had done. Everything that he has done, thus far, has been about his feelings. Now that he has relieved his guilt I would predict that he will feel free to do as he pleases...again. There is no rule, but he's done it before he will most likely do it again.
I am so sorry. You must be terribly hurt. Please speak to someone who can give you some objective advice and support.
A
male
reader, Jonty23  +, writes (15 April 2010):
On these grounds - I would say 'no'.
He had no reason to confess - yet chose to do so. He clearly wants to put the whole matter behind him and move on - I suggest you do too.
Talk it through with him - that should help - then put the matter to bed.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (15 April 2010):
 Life is more complicated than "Once a cheat always a cheat". Honestly, this guy, as someone who has agonised over it and confessed out of the blue does not seem like a high risk for future cheating.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (15 April 2010):
 That is only a generalization and stereotype of thinking.Not everyone is the same and there are exceptions.
If you want to stay with him, you need to forgive him and move on. In time , you will not feel the sting anymore.
Will he do it again?
That is a question only God knows.
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