A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Well, I'm 20. I live in the US. I'm obese I guess. I weigh 297 and I'm about five and a half feet. I've never felt loved or accepted. I've never had a boyfriend. I've never been kissed or had sex. Guys have tried but seems that the ones who try are either bad for me, want to use me or I'm not attracted to them. I hide when I meet guys. I'm TERRIFIED by rejection but more than that I don't want to inconvience any one with my presence and I feel sorry for doing that when they don't like me. I guess my question is... do you think it's still possible for me to meet someone who will want to be with me? Not just have sex or be my friend but someone who wants me in every way? Is that still possible? What do I do to signal that I'm available? Does love or atleast the love I'm searching for still exist?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2012): Well, I actually have been taking care of myself and thank you but I do know what real food is. I know the difference between healthy fats and unhealthy fats etc. I only drink water now and I walk around 5 - 8 miles a week. I'm guessing I still weigh 297 even though I can't fit into my old shirts or pants anymore. They are all kind of baggy. My friends tell me I look like I lost weight but I don't see it. My face still looks the same. I still feel the same. *shrugs* I know having all this extra weight is not good for me. I do need to improve my self-esteem and confidence. I also need to buy better clothing. Maybe then I can stop hiding. I'm taking my health more seriously. I still ride the bus more than I should by I'm trying to learn how to ride a bike so that I have the added benefit of that. IAMHERETOHELP - I agree with you. You are very young to be so wise but its good that you see it now and are working to improvement. I am too. I have a horrible past and because of this I always see myself as a burden on other people. I always put others before myself. This is one of the things that led to me being overweight. I was 340 at 16. 325 at 17 and so on. I've been trying and its going slowly but I hope that I'll reach my target weight of 160 soon. What makes it even harder though is that all the guys thatI like don't quite know that I exist but I think it's more my choice of men. I don't know...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2012): Are u planning on staying like this with all this extra weight on you? If yes, it's a really bad idea. Men are the least of your worries, as you age you are facing very serious health problems.
You know what they say: you are what you eat. I strongly believe it.
When I look at obese person, I think not about how this person looks, but about this person's personality traits. All this weight for me signifies lack of discipline, desire to endulge, not being able to think critically, and carelessness about what future will bring. Your future looks very grim to me, there will be a lot of struggling for you if don't do something about it.
My advice would be to worry about guys attention AFTER you pay attention to yourself.
There is help out there. Many people like yourself completely destroyed by our food industry don't have basic knowledge of what real food is. They cant imagine eating on a regular basis without opening a can or box.
But there are people out there who know exactly what to do, and you need to find them and learn from them, and change your life forever.
Men will come, they are always around. Take care of yourself and that precious body we are given.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 June 2012):
 What you need is self confidence, self discipline and some self LOVE.
YOU are ONLY 20, which means becoming healthy is going to be "easier" for you then someone twice your age. Doesn't mean it WILL be easy or fast.
There is more to losing weight then looking good and feeling good. Being healthy is way more important. My Dad got diagnosed with Type II diabetics (the one people can get if they gain too much weight, and the SAME one you can "get" rid off by losing weight and eating healthier) My Grandfather had Type II the last 20 years of his life, he ate whatever he wanted because he didn't want to admit that he had the Type II. He lost a foot and then his lower leg to it and ended up in a wheelchair.) I do NOT want that for me. Or anyone else. Specially since it IS something you can avoid.
Type II is the least of the problem you can face being overweight. Heart problem, problem with your intestines and so on.
So if you are looking to lose some weight and become healthy I suggest a few changes in your life.
The first thing you need to do is get rid of ALL the junk food, processed meals, candy and chips in your house. OUT with it. If you don't like throwing it out, give it away.
Secondly, I can recommend Jillian Micheals book, Winning by losing. It helps you start out with determining you calorie intake, what type of foods you should go for and it helps inspire you with exercises. It's a very simple book. She helped a whole team on Biggest Loser loose over 450 lbs. Of course having a personal fitness trainer helps, but since most of us don't have that, this is a good book for help and inspiration.
Also Dr. Oz's website have some GREAT recipes, great work out ideas, inspirational stories.
And do NOT expect an overnight change. It might be 12 months it might be 18 months before you have reached whatever goal you set yourself.
Stop hiding behind your weight. I'm betting you are a beautiful person, let this person out. Do things that makes YOU feel good about you. Get your nails done, you hair, find a GREAT dress. Big women ARE be beautiful too.
Get outside, go for walks, find a gym or a pool that offers classes that you can do. Challenge yourself. And that goes for social situations too. Don't live your life hidden away. Be part of life.
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A
female
reader, Sinful_thinker89 +, writes (22 June 2012):
 Self confidence is key. After I had my daughter left with 190 pounds which actually I dont feel to bad about its just I wanted to tone it out, not for anyone but myself I figured all the time wasted on facebook or me watching tv I could be doing something about it, so during nap time I do some work outs, also agree to the smaller portions and no soda. I can see a big difference & I'm happy. Even going for a walk.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 June 2012):
 I used to be your weight and I’m a whopping 5’2” I had gastric bypass because at 49 I had done it all and tried to lose weight and just could not. I lost it all and I had a great lifestyle going..eating well and exercising and then life happened and I’ve slipped back to my old ways… you are young enough to make these changes permanently much like Cerberus has suggested… and PATIENCE is the key…
As for not having love, I have to admit I had plenty of attention when I was large… there are lots of men out there that prefer larger women… it’s the confidence that you need to get them…
You yourself have said you are terrified of rejection (why? Without effort there is no rejection.. why are you afraid to even try when the worst they can say is NO)….granted as you get older it will be easier because at your age young men can still be stupid and cruel without even meaning too and the immature ones that MEAN to be cruel are useless and not worth a single tear.
Why in the world would you think so little of yourself that you think your presence is an inconvenience? What a horrible thing to say about yourself… and I seriously doubt it to be true.
To signal you are receptive you love yourself… you do the best you can to be as happy and healthy and whole as you can. Dress well for your size… you will have to spend more money than a very slender woman as fit and cut are important and it’s better to have the higher end clothes to do this… have your hair done.. wear makeup if you like… be HEALTHY… take a walk everyday.. HEAD UP… LOOK AT and SMILE at people… make eye contact…
Your weight is not what’s holding you back..it’s your brain that’s hurting you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2012): "Losing weight needs lots and lots of motivation because food is irresistible."
That's the biggest load of media perpetuated horseshit I've ever heard.
Dieting is for idiots. You don't have to avoid any foods at all to get healthy, you just have to change the portions and work out.
OP don't ever be one of those idiots that think dieting is an effective means to lose weight.
Toning myself up was the easiest thing I've ever done and I did so all the while eating pizza, Chinese take-aways etc. You just have to eat smaller portions of those things, not avoid them. What's so bad about having a big glass of water before a meal and only eating two pieces of chicken instead of three?
There's no motivation needed at all just patience. You start working out 3 times a week, eat smaller but not ridiculously tiny portions of foods that you like. You do that for a few weeks until it becomes routine and your body adapts to working out to the point where it's not longer a chore and then you have that as lifestyle. Just make sure you throw out your weighing scale because it means nothing and judge your progress on how you feel and how you look in the mirror after 6 months. Easy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 June 2012): Is it possible?
"Guys have tried but seems that the ones who try are either bad for me, want to use me or I'm not attracted to them. I hide when I meet guys."
Is that not enough proof that it is?
That above sentence can be applied to most women OP, you're not alone and the only baring your weight has on the issue is it's effect on your confidence.
iAmHereToHelpYou has a very wise head on her shoulders for a 16 year old, in fact I keep forgetting she is that young and she's right; the most important love you need to develop is a love for yourself. The person you are, the skin you live in and the future you're building for yourself.
Will guys want you? Yeah of course. 1/3 of your country men and women are obese and yet the population of your country keeps growing. I mean if obesity was as much a turn off as the ads, magazines and media would like us to believe to buy their products then why do you see big couples everywhere?
I was obese when I met my girlfriend, I was with her a good while before I decided to tone up too.
The only difference between me and you is I never saw obesity as making me ugly, I knew for certain that while some women would judge me on it that most can still be wooed and attracted to a powerful, confident and happy man regardless of his weight. I've always been the kind of person who walks into rooms with a big smile on my face and a hug/kiss for all the ladies and strong smiling handshake for the guys.
The same applies to you. Happiness and confidence is by far the sexiest thing about any woman. The physical is largely irrelevant because all shapes and sizes are attractive to someone.
Get some confidence, if you don't like your weight, work out, eat well be patient and get a fitter body. Don't like your hair get it cut. Don't like feeling you have nothing to talk about with people, read more, read more news, watch more TV shows like Game of Thrones etc.
OP life isn't hard when you make yourself your priority, start living a good life truly for you in a way that makes you happy and we guys are going to want to a piece of that and share that with you.
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A
female
reader, viel  +, writes (22 June 2012):
 I know how you're feeling. What a world we're living in. After I got my son, I weighed 170 and was 5'3". I don't know if it was just my imagination but gosh, no one in the opposite sex seemed to like me. I was ashamed to go out. I always stayed home and munched on every available food in the house and that just made me fatter. My partner - my son's father- often ignored me and never treated me the way he did before, he was ashamed to be seen out with me my heart seemed to never stop from breaking. We broke up. I decided I should try to lose weight, I always went out, and every time I see the discreet criticisms in people's eyes, I felt ugly, and it just motivated me to lose weight, aside from thinking of the fact that being fat is unhealthy. And now, I'm weighing 136, not yet the slim type but at least not as fat as before. Because as cruel as it sounds, people are being judged by their covers. I don't really know how to say this without making offense, but, have you tried losing weight? I mean, I'm not saying that weight is every male's top criterion for liking a woman, but MOST of them really do look at our physical features and if there would ever be those who do not, they've been probably struck by thunder or are probably gay. lol. But kidding aside, this is how this world goes. In the whole 23 years of my existence in this world, I have seen only two men dating an obese woman. The first one looked pretty genuinely in love with his girl, the second one looks like a gold digger because the woman was extremely rich. My point is, men who doesn't look at physical features are rare or perhaps extinct! But it would be stupidity to wait for some of these rare men to come in your way. Do something about yourself, not for the men to like you, but for your own health. Or perhaps, for whatever reason that can motivate you. Losing weight needs lots and lots of motivation because food is irresistible. =) But one more thing, being sexy doesn't always mean you got to have a perfect body, you just have to feel it within you that you are sexy in your own ways. They say no one will appreciate you if you yourself don't appreciate yourself.Good luck.
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A
male
reader, slipper164 +, writes (22 June 2012):
Anonymous There is always a chance to meet someone who will love you for who you are. Just to let you know its not going to fall into your lap. Of course guys are going to use you for sex as long as you feel the way you are feeling now. You know under that 297 pounds of woman you are probably a nice person. You have to bring that out into the open. My best advivice to you is set some goals. It sounds like you can probably lose 150 pounds. I know thats not going to happen over night but it can happen. Don't have sex just to be accepted by your peers.You are only 20 years old. You are in the prime of your life.From first hand experience we only realize this 30 years down the road and by then it's almost to late. I don't know you but why would I steer you wrong. If you lose the weight you will feel better about yourself and guys will flock to you. Of course when we are attracted to the opposite sex the first thing we see is the outer beauty which is natural. So anonymous only you can take that first step so go ahead and make a commitment to yourself. You are to young to be hiding in a dark corner. It's time to blosom beautiful. You can do it.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (22 June 2012):
 Is it possible that someone will want to be with you...yes of course it's possible, but love and relationships are a dangerous, confusing, terrifying, hopeless, exciting and devestating experience for most people...and if you are unsure of yourself or do not love yourself, it's likely you will appear vulnerable and attract the wrong kind of people.
There are other things in life that bring happiness and fulfilment, build confidence and character and give us peace and they have nothing to do with love or having a partner.
Things like having good health, working and making plans, good friends to talk to and doing good deeds to help people out. There are fantastic places to visit (even if it's just a local beauty spot. There is art and literature, new hobbies to try and embracing family.
We all say we want someone to love us as we are, but in reality (men in particular) want someone who is a reflection of themselves, like for like with maybe just enough difference to keep things interesting.
We cannot ask or expect someone else to come and save us from ourselves, we have to be the best we can be and hope someone will appreciate that and want to work with us to make a relationship work.
Rejection fills us all with fear, even filmstars, supermodels and the rich and famous...so it's natural that you are scared too.
Make the best of yourself, live life for life itself and enjoy your youth and your days. Find something new each day to make you smile and take good care of yourself...then in time it will attract people to you...and one of them may wish to have a relationship with you...
So yes it's possible if you go about it the right way.
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