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Do you think I was rude?

Tagged as: Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 February 2012) 4 Answers - (Newest, 3 February 2012)
A age 36-40, anonymous writes:

There's a woman at work who keeps texting me. I originally gave her my number because a few of us had arranged to go out for a coworker's birthday and she needed to call me to arrange transport. This woman is a bit of a loner and still lives with her parents, even though she's in her 40's. I'm not judging but i'm trying to explain the kind of person she is.

Since then, she's been texting me non stop, especially on my days off. At first, i replied, then i ignored the texts but today i finally lost my patience. It's not as though she texts me about something important, most of the time it's about some pointless drama at work that i don't want to hear about, especially on my day off.

Today she text me saying a certain person had said something about me (i don't care) so i replied "Look, if *persons name* has a problem with me i will talk to them tomorrow but i would appreciate it if you didn't keep texting me 10 times a day about things like this because i really don't care". She then text me AGAIN asking me not to tell anyone she told me about what this person at work had said about me. I also told her that i didn't appreciate her trying to cause trouble by telling me these things and to mind her own business.

It's bad enough i have to work with certain, bitchy women i can't stand, i don't want to hear about it on my days off as well. I'm in my early 20's and i think the cattiness that goes on is ridiculous, it's like i'm back at school.

I probably sound mean but i'm honestly not. Infact, i feel like i've been nice for too long and let people walk all over me. I hardly ever confront people but she basically ruined my day off.

View related questions: at work, co-worker, text

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (3 February 2012):

tennisstar88 agony auntOf course you don't have to be her friend out of pity, but I would still be polite as you can muster to her. It may not be her fault that she's this way. Potentially could be something she was born with, maybe a form of autism.

If you don't want to reply then you don't have to. Maybe she'll take the hint and stop. BUT, if she still persists then I would calmly tell her you don't like her like that and don't wish to fuse the line between business and pleasure. Also, ask her to stop texting you so much.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 February 2012):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well, she's been texting me again today so she obviously didn't get the message. I don't want to have a go at her again because she has slight learning difficulties and obviously doesn't have very good social skills or etiquette. I just hate feeling like i have to answer her or be her friend. I don't want to be somebody's friend because i feel sorry for them.

She text e asking if i still like her. I didn't reply because i didn't really know what to say to that. I do feel sorry for her in a way but at the end of the day i don't go to work to make friends and i like to keep my work life and private life separate.

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A female reader, tennisstar88 United States +, writes (2 February 2012):

tennisstar88 agony auntNo not really, you didn't want to hear it.

I'm can't decide if this woman trying to be friends with you and looking out for your best interest at work. Hence, telling you about what your back stabbing co workers have said about you. If she is then she's socially inept. OR, if she's trying to stir the pot of work drama.

I think it's more of she was looking out for your best interest. Since she doesn't have a social life, she thought she was being friendly and didn't understand that she was annoying you with the gossip. Really I'd explain to her that while you appreciate her honesty, you wish to stay out of the office drama...and recommend that she do the same.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 February 2012):

I think you did the right thing in telling her not to text you. The only thing you can do now is try to avoid having too much contact with her, and keep ignoring the texts until she stops. I've worked a similar places, the best thing to do is be unfriendly! its about the only way to stay out of the drama. I'm assuming this woman doesn't have many friends or people to text, which may be why she went too far, (i know its no excuse). If worse comes to worse, look into getting the number blocked, it might just give you some peace of mind and allow you to enjoy your days off. another, somewhat subtle way of doing it is to suddenly reply to one of her texts with 'sorry, who is this? I think you have the wrong number' and let her think the number has changed

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