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Do you think he was just trying to hurt me because I hurt him?

Tagged as: Breaking up<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 January 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 29 January 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Hey guys.. I really need your help.

Me and my ex recently started seeing each other again, his idea, and we met a couple of times and had a really nice time and we kissed and he told me he loved me etc.

But over the past week, he hasn't really spoken to me and has been making excuses not to see me, so I saw the signs and I called him and left a voicemail saying to him we should just forget about it because he's not even trying to make it work and he's just ignoring me so I'm just gonna move on and I've found someone else and he treats me right and I wanna make it work with him.

He didn't reply, but I didn't expect him to because I dumped him I know.

However, I woke up to a text this morning from him saying this:

'the reason I've been ignoring you is because I thought it was the easiest way to let you down. since meeting you i've realized we can't go back and it's time to move on for both of us. And I have found someone else and I felt guilty because it's her I want to be with. And I will always love you coz you were my first love but I wanna be with her instead. Good luck with everything. Take care.'

I didn't reply to this, because I spoke to my dad as soon as I got the text and he made me see sense.

Basically, my dad said he hasn't found another girl, but was hurt at the fact that I'd dumped him and told him I'VE found someone else, so he thought he'd come up with the most hurtful thing possible to get back at me and make me feel like I'm the one that's been dumped.

He said it's all psychological.

and my gut feeling agrees with my dad, mainly coz he's a bloke, but a big part of me thinks my ex just said this to hurt me coz I hurt him.

do you think this is the case?

or do you actually think he had found someone else?

also, I feel hurt, betrayed and really angry and upset, and I just wanna tell him how much I hate him for what he's done, I'm so sad, coz even though he was a twat to me I still loved him and it was really hard to let him go.

what do i do now?

please help x

View related questions: move on, my ex, text

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A female reader, visione United States +, writes (29 January 2010):

visione agony auntThis is why you should maintain no contact with your ex until you are emotionally over him. That way when you meet up you can talk to him without those old feelings interrupting reason and logic. Break ups happen for a reason and most people don't magically change.

Did he mean to hurt you? Did he find someone else? What you should really be asking yourself is... does this really matter? You are moving on, why are you worried about what HE thinks? You are no longer with him. You need time to heal, cut your losses... Be strong and maintain no contact this time!

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (29 January 2010):

I think it is probably psychological. He may have found someone else, but he really has gone out of his way to hurt you here. You've learnt a lesson. Leave ex's in the past. He wasn't good enough before, and he's proved he's not good enough now.

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