A
female
age
41-50,
*ann79
writes:I have been seeing a man who's 6 yrs younger than me and he's married with 2 kids but they are not living together.This is the second time they seperated.When I first met him he said he wasn't sure what was going on between them yet. They have tried couple counselling and fight every time they are together. Sometimes he goes to spend the night with his children and sleeps on the couch, which I know he does sleep on the couch because he'll txt me all night after his wife his to bed. The next morning they always get into a argument and she kicks him out, and he calls me either getting me to pick him up or saying he's getting dropped off. We have been keeping our relationship on the quieter side with few people knowing. I have known from the start that he wasn't sure what is going on between them yet, but he has often said that they weren't getting back together as well. Once he even said he was going to tell her about me but only got as far as telling her there was something he had to tell her. She asked him is it gonna hurt me? He replied I'll just talk to you when I see you. When they did end up seeing each other he didn't tell her, although I'm not sure what he told her since he already said he had something to tell her. Now she's kinda starting to hint that they are still trying to work it out but nothing ever really happen except for her saying so. I know he misses his kids and I k know she keeps wanting him to change in order for him to go home, and I know he doesn't want to change, I know they won't stop fighting and it's pretty much done because of the conversations I hear and the things he tells me so I keep holding in and waiting for them to call it quits because I really like him, but when his older brother comes around he always starts a huge fight with me saying I've ruined his life and he listens to all the shit his brother puts into his head about me because his brother tried sleeping with me for years and couldn't and now I'm sleeping with his younger brother. It gets to the point where his brother says things like well if you'd put half as much effort into your wife and kids you'd be home by now! Then the other day I went over to see him his brother was still around just not there at the min. I find he's got a picture of his wife hung in the wall and it wasn't there 4 days before this the whole time I've been seeing him, so he just hung it there! When I asked about it he says oh I just put it there to make you mad! Now for the past 9 days since his brother came home he's been rude and saying harsh things to me and my friends about me! I know if his brother wasn't there he acts totally differently towards me. I don't know what to do, am I just a thing to keep him busy until his wife tells him he can come home? Is he only treating me unfair because he's trying to impress his brother? Or does he actually believe that him and his wife are going to make it work so he pushing me away now so it's not as hard later?
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (3 April 2016):
 This man won't leave his wife, and you should leave him.
A
female
reader, Tann79 +, writes (2 April 2016):
Tann79 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks I think I already knew the answer to that kinda already. It's just that my heart fights with my head and my head always always looses. For the first couple months he was awesome saying how he was starting to like me lots and it'd be tough for him to go back with the wife now. I don't k ow maybe all just a big game hi I g him entertainment.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (2 April 2016):
 Good grief, lady!
Why do you put up with this?
He isn't done with his wife, his marriage or their issues and he won't be till he grows a set and do what HE needs to do.
You DO seem like a "half time show". You are his security blanket for when the wife won't put up with his crap. He knows YOU will. So he is using HER to manipulate you... and YOU to manipulate her... You know, like some little kids play the parents against each other...
Let him go. Find yourself a man who IS single. Who isn't trying to figure out whether he should or shouldn't work on his marriage.
In the long run, even if he DOES walk away from her, he will ALWAYS use her to manipulate YOU. Lashing out at YOU when he is mad at the wife is not fair at all.
And treating you like crap in front of his brother? How childish and callous... I mean is that REALLY a guy you can see yourself with long term?
I think, you should stop wasting your time, emotions and energy on this guy. Cut him off. Block his number and delete it. LET HIM sort his life out.. or not - that is up to him. But you really should not let him waste any more of YOUR life.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (2 April 2016):
 Sorry but you sound like his safety net. For me, being separated means stepping out of the relationship with the joint goal of reconciliation at some point not an excuses to be hooking up. If you are a true believer in marriage vows that bit where it says forsaking all others is still just as relevant now if they are still going to counselling therefore to some degree he is still invested in her. Unfortunately, having children is a very powerful tool for remaining obligated to keep trying. Personally I would be letting him sort himself and his problems with her out and getting a divorce before committing anymore of yourself to him. If it works in your favour then great but if he is still not willing to piss or get off the pot then you know you have done the right thing my moving on.
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