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Do you think a relationship can form out of our FWB situation?

Tagged as: Friends with Benefits<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 April 2017) 8 Answers - (Newest, 24 April 2017)
A female India age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi

Im in a fwb setup with a friend for the past one year.he ended the setup twice in this year for a couple of months and now it started again. Recently he had brought up the topic of where i saw myself 5 years from now..been cuddling after the act, watched movies at his place ,talked for hours together about each others lives,shared info bout his work n all ...which all made me start to think that he z started to have feelings for me.. btw ive always had feelings for him n he knows that too but keeps telling me that he doesnt want to b in a relationship though feels im a great girl. Recently, he also told me that im not the only one he's seeing but also confessed that he has never had a fwb with someone for so long.

i asked him out twice in the past 2 weeks n he z been making excuses .. n no point for guessing ..im goin crazy :( do u see any scope of a relationship in this or m i just being dumb? btw we both have had bitter experiences of broken relationships before

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (24 April 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntI don't want a relationship with anyone = I don't want a relationship with you. Am sorry but he is sugar coating it. For me there is no signs here that he is interested in you romantically. He spends time with you because he enjoys your company doesn't mean he is falling in love with you. It is a bitter pill to swallow.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (21 April 2017):

CindyCares agony aunt Yeah,...but that's bullshit. True, tried and time-honoured. It's code for " I don't want a relationship - with you ". He keeps telling you that you are a great girl, BUT... And you keep hearing that you are a great girl- and conveniently ignoring the " BUT " part.

Then again, even if he really, really meant with all his heart that the only reason why he can't have a relationship with you is because he is still wounded from his past- this still means that he is not emotionally available, and he cannot give you what you want and need, i.e. a relationship. You are tempted to hang in there to see if he gets over his painful past, but... what if it takes him YEARS ? What if when he's over his past- he turns his attention to another woman , not you ? ( it happens quite a lot in these kind of situations ).

Be HERE now - live in the present- here and now , you can't have a relationship with him , just sex. If that's not enough for you, you'd be smarter letting him go before you get really hurt.

Don't go reading too much in his " signs "- the sign that a man ( or a woman ) is ready to have a relationship... is when he/ she is HAVING one. The rest is in the realm, as N91 says , of being a normal human being who treats with °some ° affection and camaraderie people who they have sex with, not a machine or a robot. When it's not the sign, alas, that they are playing you like a fiddle to keep the sex coming , and the committment totally out of the picture.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (21 April 2017):

N91 agony auntAt the end of the day he's still a human being. He enjoys your company. I've been in a fwb that didn't end in a relationship with someone that I liked, but she still acted like you described in your post.

You'd have to be seriously cold hearted to be able to have sex with 0 emotion and show no interest whatsoever in the partner after the act.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2017):

recently found out that he s not been keeping too well n hence was avoiding me.. but ya thanks guys for your input.. i guess im just refusing to see the obvious n hoping against hope coz read online...that these r signals of ur fwb turning into a relationhip...cuddling,spending time,eating together,movies,he being interested in my life.. btw he didnt say he doesnt want a relationhip with me...he said he doent want with anybody coz of d pain from d past..

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (20 April 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntI don't think you are dumb but I do think you are clinging on to something that is not there. He enjoys having sex with you, occasionally hanging out with you, but there is no way that he is interested in a relationship with you. It is a shame because he knows you have feelings for him yet he is still using you for his sexual needs. However there is no way he has led you on here and you need to listen to him when he says he is not wanting a relationship. Him seeing other girls is shouting that message out loud and clear.

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A female reader, CoreMessage United Kingdom +, writes (20 April 2017):

CoreMessage agony auntI'm sorry but I don't see a relationship. He's very clearly told you he doesn't want a relationship. Move on, girl.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2017):

It can happen but not in your case so end the fwb and find someone who is free to love

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (20 April 2017):

N91 agony auntThis is not going anywhere. He has very clearly told you he doesn't see you as a suitable girlfriend.

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