A
male
age
51-59,
*r Clark
writes:I've read quite a few articles about evolutionary psychology and the theory that women tend to prefer more masculine men for short term sexual relationships, but prefer less masculine men for long term relationships. As I understand it, the theory is that the more masculine men will tend to have better genes (and produce more healthy offpsring), but also tend to be poor long term providers because they cheat more, treat their offspring poorly etc., whereas less masculine men have less desireable genes tend to be better long term providers.My question is for the women: do you think there's anything to this, or is it just hogwash? For example, are you more attracted one type of a guy for a short term sexual relationship, but find yourself attracted to a different type of guy when thinking about a long term partner? For women who are married, do you find that you love your husband, yet also find yourself wanting to have flings on the side with more "masculine" men? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2010): Both sexes have some people who like to date a wilder person than they intend to actually marry.
In a fair world people should have to settle down with the kinds of partners they dated when they were younger. When you prefer to date wild people during your youth then you punish the stable people of your generation in the process.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): There were men I had relationships with (1 year, plus; and shorter duration) who I enjoyed spending time with... but to whom I'd never become married. Within the context of the relationship that existed... their personal issues and behavior did not affect me. I lived separately from them. While they may have wanted marriage with me... I did not. Dating them... I left them at the door. Marrying them... I'm subject to their life choices.So, yes. I had categories of men... I suppose in a similar way that men have categories of women. Those you can enjoy... but never marry... And those who you marry.I never really 'invested' myself in my boyfriends... I invested myself in my husband. I dated until I was 35... so I never crossed the line into trying to make a 'bad boy' into a boy scout. I liked the edgy masculinity of an untamed man... in a way... but was always treated like a lady above all. Never thought or dwelled on 'pleasing them' the way I see females posting on this site... Never invested myself in any way. I couldn't care less.When I married... my husband got my heart and my investment. So while I wasn't physically a virgin.. my heart was... and I've been faithful for the 16 years we've been together.
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A
female
reader, smiliek  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 I dont think looks have anything to do with what i view as masculine. My hubby is skinny, he has muscles as he lifts heavy items for a living, and i feel more then well protected with him. He is more of a man then my ex's or friends that may be bigger, or have a square jaw etc etc. I would never look twice at another guy and certainly never think of cheating. Hubby has enough 'man traits' and yet is loving, sweet, caring and considerate on top. My perfect guy
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A
female
reader, Katia185013  +, writes (22 November 2010):
It all goes with what girl it is some girls even like both.
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A
female
reader, lovebird1  +, writes (22 November 2010):
Hi there,
I hear discussions about this topic a lot, and I want to throw in some of my stuff here as well.
I think our social reality is a bit more complex than survival and reproduction, really.
I find it makes a man attractive if he looks happy in his own skin. That doesn't mean I need him to have a lot of money. Or masculine features.
But maybe guys that have the money and male jaw feel more self confident and therefore have this "special something". Which is actually just the skill of being self confident and attentive at the same time.
If I think a man is not attractive in some way, I don't want neither short nor long term whatsoever, and I never gave the slightest damn about money or job.
Besides, I am bisexual. And I don't think I'm just an evolutionary mishap.
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A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 Do most teenagers have problems with their parents? Is the terrible teens a horrible fact families just got to life with?
No.
Surprising? It is a fact. But you just never hear about the countless families that do not have troubles. Sitcoms, talk shows, they want to show conflict, not contentness. That doesn't grab the viewers.
But it leads people to believe that the abnormalities from TV are reality.
For your question, there are two popular TV "facts". 50% of women have sex before the age of 18. Even if true, this means 50% do not. Another often used thing is the young woman without a sense of self control who sleeps around and then settles down with a boring man to pay the bills.
Is this reality? No. Believe it or not, but people STILL marry their highschool sweatheart (male and female) and stay true to each other for their entire life. But that is boring and would never ever get on Oprah.
Yes, there are some women who choose for sex with one type and money from the other. Other women just grow up from choosing by hormones to affection.
But the fast majority of people never ever think that far. No more then a man can choose a good looking woman just for sex while the person they want to marry needs to have more then just looks.
But don't trust the answer of women on this subject. Any woman will describe her current partner as caring because else she would have to admit to being with someone who just doesn't care about her.
Not that it matters. You are who you are. If that means you are liked by fewer women, so be it. It only should take one. Unless all of this is of course jealousy women are not all over you.
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A
female
reader, peeptoe +, writes (22 November 2010):
I think the answer is we like both! Women like muscles and a nice fit body, just as men do in women, I would guess. I shows some level of physical ability.
But that only covers it for the first look--like other's have said, if you see a guy who looks good then he is a jerk the second he opens his mouth, why pursue that? Maybe that is the key to the short-term/long-term puzzle. Maybe societally, men with more physical appeal have had bad beharior reinforced: I look good so I don't have to be a nice guy.
Then you get the "keepers"--those who are attractive but also have all the other intangibles: Confidence, self-assurance, success (however it's measured by them), happy, secure financially, mentally stable, emotionally strong and open, healthy, well groomed, fit, physical power, sense of humour, love for life.
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A
female
reader, Simply Jane2011  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 I agree with mistiquek, my guy is the sweetest, and looks dont bother me, its his personality that makes him cute and sexy in my eyes, secondly i love him for the way he is, In my opinion looks dont count, its the personality, looks are just an added bonus, Most women think like that and others think diferently, it depends on her personality, and what she prefers
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A
female
reader, Adorskable  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 All women have different taste in men and just like a man we might look at a person's features first and if we find them attractive we might seek a relationship but it their attitude, their personality, their heart that will win us over. We might be attractive to a very masculine man, cute, shadowing facial hair, muscles, tall, dark and, handsome kind of guy but if he turns out to be a jerk, mean, cheater than the chances for us to think they are marriage material will be very slim.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (22 November 2010):
 I like a man who knows when to be strong, and yet also knows when to be tender and caring. My guy is very intelligent, thoughtful, caring, works very hard and I trust him with my life to look out and care for me. Your ideas of a man being masculine confuse me. My guy is not a big brawny type, bulging with muscles or with body hair like a bear, but he's very sexy and masculine in my eyes. To me, no other man can hold a candle to him, and another man being "more masculine" wouldn't turn my head in the slightest.
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A
male
reader, Mr Clark +, writes (22 November 2010):
Mr Clark is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should have been more precise in the question. By "masculine", I meant facial features such as square jaws and well-defined brow ridges, features that are related to testosterone levels. Here's an example of the type of study I had in mind:"Women seem to judge potential mates by how masculine their features are, new research shows. Men with square jaws and well-defined brow ridges are seen as good short-term partners, while those with more feminine traits such as a rounder face and fuller lips are perceived as better long-term mates. In the study, 854 male and female subjects viewed a series of male head shots that had been digitally altered to exaggerate or minimize masculine traits. The participants then answered questions about how they expected the men in the photos to behave. Overwhelmingly, participants said those with more masculine features were likely to be risky and competitive and also more apt to fight, challenge bosses, cheat on spouses and put less effort into parenting. Those with more feminine faces were seen as good parents and husbands, hard workers and emotionally supportive mates. Despite all the negative attributes, when asked who they would choose for a short-term relationship, women still selected the more masculine looking men. Brad and George then would be picks for a brief romance, if not the long haul."http://evolutionarypsychology.tribe.net/thread/45ef67ef-f33b-4145-a2c3-a57ee47497bb
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 November 2010):
 You're assuming that men who don't cheat and who get married are less "masculine" than the guys who sleep with a lot of women? What a strange notion of masculinity.
My guy is smart, capable, caring, thoughtful, hard-working and is the epitome of masculinity to me. I have no desire to have a "fling" on the side, it would be a betrayal of trust in the worst possible way and my guy deserves nothing less than my very best. The thought of cheating on him is repugnant to me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): You can't define masculinity in such simple terms. The meaning has changed and morphed too much.
Modern day masculinity includes, sensitivity, open emotions and the ability to maintain healthy relationships. Not just punching bears and dragging women back to our cave.
If you're talking about the old style macho man thing, then that too doesn't really paint a true picture.
Confidence, self assured, successful, happy, secure financially, mentally stable, emotionally strong, healthy, well groomed, fit, physical power, sense of humour. These are what I'd consider masculine traits. Now if you want to tell me those traits aren't what women would consider for long term relationships then go ahead but I think they are.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 November 2010): us women prefer a man that knows how to treat a girl and has a good personality and makes us happy i think that personality matters more than looks but of course looks matter just not that much to me
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A
male
reader, LovelessAct1 +, writes (22 November 2010):
From what I've read in some of my human sexuality classes, women still prefer a masculine man, but that doesn't mean he shouldn't treat them in a gentle, loving manner.
There was actually a great quote in one of the books I read (can't recall which) but it was along the lines of, "A female friend of mine asked me, 'where have all our manly men gone?' to which I responded, 'you asked them all to be women'" Its pretty humorous, yet true. While women think they would prefer a sensitive man who can meet their emotional needs, men who show those characteristics are much more likely to be divorced. Why? Because women need that masculine figure to complete their lives much like we need the feminine figure to complete ours.
Hell, I'll admit, I'd love to be with a woman who loves to sit down and watch a football game with a beer or play poker with my buddies, but at the same time, I love women for what they are; my opposite, which makes a relationship complete. Like two separate shaped pieces fitting perfectly together.
Masculinity is a good trait to have. That does NOT, however, mean you shouldn't try to be more sensitive when the time calls for it and always treat the woman with respect and kindness. Being masculine is not equal to being uncaring or rough.
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A
female
reader, josephy  +, writes (22 November 2010):
 personally,I like my man because he has a soft heart. But he can use his muscles when it required. I feel like i can depend on the man who's more masculine than who's less masculine. some if not all women tend to worry a lot and they usually seek protraction. that could be one of the reasons
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