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Do people who get engaged young have lasting relationships?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (27 May 2008) 11 Answers - (Newest, 3 December 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Ok. i just got engaged to my bf of 3 years and many people have criticised this. so i want to ask you ppl

do you think a relationship wer u fall in love in a young age and then get married wen they are older will last???

like we started going out when i was 14 and now im 17 we are v serious about our relationship and r plannig to get married wen we are in our late 20's.

thnks!!!

xxx

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A female reader, kirstyab92 United Kingdom +, writes (3 December 2010):

I'm 18 and have been with my boyfriend for a year now, it's hard because I want to get engaged and the commitment that it shows to each other and those around us is what's important to me. Who cares what other people have said. If you feel it is the right thing for you and that you believe you want to spend the rest of you life to him then who's to stop you. Maybe getting married before you late 20's otherwise it'll feel like you're going no where with it. So many people get engaged at a young age and mean nothing by it, but if you're both truly in it for the long run and that you're both dedicated to loving each other with all your hearts for ever and for always then no, you're not too young. Love doesn't have an age and neither you when you get engaged, it's a personal choice and experience so allow it to be that way. Hope that helps anyone that reads this...

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A female reader, This_face Canada +, writes (19 October 2008):

This is a good question. I admire the fact that you and your boyfriend have gone out for three years. At such a young and changing age of 14-17 it isn't always easy to go out for a longer period of time. It is good to hear you are feeling you are mature and ready to continue your relationship and make a promise to each other. The question now is whether are you willing to make a promise and keep it; even though you are most likely going to undergo changes as you grow. Trust me, between 17 and 19 you will undergo a lot of changes, and you and your boyfriend may find you both go in different directions, or are no longer happy with your choice. By being engaged your view of this may be clouded and you may miss out on the changes that have happened to each other until it is “too late”. What I mean is your engagement may result in a failed marriage as you two may change as you grow. Of course, nothing is certain and an engagement can be broken. Although no matter what age it seems people change, in my opinion younger people change more and do not know as much. This is coming from someone who is of the younger age herself keep in mind. If you do decide to stay within the engagement, be sure to look out for your own interests and changes. Always make sure you live the life you want and the way that will make you feel is best. If I were you I would wait a while, as it is you cannot marry at 17 unless your parents give you permission and as you may discover new things in time. However, the choice is up to you. Think carefully about whether or not you are ready, and whether or not you are willing to accept the possibilities. Oh and not to be rude, but a word of advice: in order to prove your maturity, in the future, when asking questions be sure to increase your credibility be spelling words correctly. Good luck and be who you can be.

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A female reader, Jovial South Africa +, writes (28 May 2008):

Jovial agony auntCouples breakup everyday whether they came together at 50 or 16 age has no effect at all. remember love is a special feeling you dont make it but feel it.

what i can say is that majority of the people who were together at a very early age like you after breaking up a decade or two later you hear them say i feel like the relationship has robbed them their life, its like there were somethings they should have done but couldnt because of the commitment. its like breaking free from a life of bondage. sometimes at an older age you might start cheating on your partner and thats what people calls it midlife crisis because you didnt explore enough before commiting yourself to one partner.

like the other aunt said yours might be one of those special relationships that lasts till death. there is no harm in early commitment but dont stay in a relationship because it has become an obligation.

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A female reader, Laura1318 Malaysia +, writes (28 May 2008):

Laura1318 agony auntGenerally speaking nobody knows what will happen in the future.

By looking at statistics, chances of a lasting relationship is not high.

But you could be in that other half.Nobody can say for sure .All is just speculations only.

If you are willing to stick to each other at whatever cost

and able to overcome all those challenges, then you have a high success rate.

Wishing you all the luck.

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A female reader, bday121 United States +, writes (28 May 2008):

bday121 agony auntWhy do you feel the need to be "engaged"? Can't you two just be together, wait it out for a few years, and then get "engaged"? To most sane people, the word "engaged" means that you're literally planning a wedding. It means you're picking out a dress, a date, a florist, and a reception hall. It means you're very seriously considering marriage in the the near future and making plans for it. Considering that the two of you don't plan to be married for another ten years, why are you going around telling everyone that you're engaged? They probably scoff at that remark because it's a horrible idea to get married as soon as you turn 18, which is probably what they're assuming you want to do. Look, the best thing to do is just take it easy. Stay with your guy, love him with all your heart, and see where it goes. You two can enjoy the rest of your teenage and college years together, live together, love each other, and *then* consider getting engaged. What's the rush? Telling everyone that you're "engaged" at such a young age just makes you look foolish. Why can't you and your boyfriend just WAIT to get engaged? What's the point of being engaged right now? Is it just for bragging rights? Is it just to show your love to each other? Because you two can share thoughts and dreams of marriage without being "engaged" and announcing it to the world. Don't be "engaged" until you're ready to live on your own and seriously plan the wedding.

The two of you may very well be soul mates and live the rest of your lives together. It could happen. But also you have A LOT of growing up and life ahead of you. People change; they grow apart and make new friends and meet new people. Just because you're in love with him now it doesn't mean you'll be in love with him forever. And besides, even if he is your soul mate, still, what's the rush? You can be in love without being married.

I have some experience here. My first boyfriend and I were together for 3 years, from 15-18 for me. We were very much in love and seriously talked about getting married...we never formally gor engaged, though. But it was fun for us to talk about marriage and we deeply bonded over the thought...without needing the whole world to know about it and scoff at us. But, I started to grow up and change. I met someone new. I realized he wasn't right for me, and I THANK GOD we never got married or engaged! I'm very happy we didn't rush into anything!

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A female reader, sweetyforlife21 United States +, writes (28 May 2008):

ask yourself this question do you see a future with this person? does he complete you? well if you answered yes than i say you should get married to him if youre madly in love. My cousin she was 18 at that time new her bf for a year than she got married and they live a happy life right now. Now shes 25 and his 26 and they are happy.

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A female reader, xJoanneyx United Kingdom +, writes (28 May 2008):

xJoanneyx agony auntall i can say is go with the flow, have fun and travel the world together age is a number expericences count for everything. if people judge you so what! they tend to be jealous that your happy. live your life to the full and if it doent work then it doesnt work as one door shuts another one opens x

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2008):

Don't listen to all the people who say "its stupid" or "your too young". Most of my friends who met their boyfriends/girlfriends in their late teens are still together nearly a decade later. My mother met my dad when she was 18 and they were together for 20 years.

It all depends on the person. you've been together this long there is no reason why you can't keep going. Even if you go to uni or college, with love and effort you could do it. Be determined and keep caring for each other

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (27 May 2008):

Collaroy agony auntHi,

you've got access to the net, so do some of your own research.

I don't think you will like the results.

As a person you change dramatically from when you are a teenager to when you hit adulthood.

You do meet people who have been together since they were very young, but not too many.

If you already have friends and family who think you are nuts it doesnt bode well for your future as you will need their unconditional support to make this work.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2008):

Hey well its hard to say really some fail and some doent if you truly love each other I hope it will work for you although long engagments can cause one person to feel like they are waiting too long so you may considering getting married earlyer than in ~10 years it seems very long.

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A female reader, :):):) United Kingdom +, writes (27 May 2008):

Getting engaged at a young age probably holds more of a risk of breaking up, as younger people tend to be a bit more impulsive and are still becoming who they are.

But ofcourse they can still work, when each partner is devoted to the other. You just have to be sure that this is definitly what you want.

xxx

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