A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Do I have to accept my husband looking at porn . I have told him before that it makes me feel compared and ugly whe. He is constantly looking at perfect porn star bodies. He says he loves me but that doesn't take away the hurt. I read lots of posts that say just accept if, he's a man , it's harmless . So I am to that his feelings and wants matter. Don't my feelings matter ? Why is if always the woman who must compromise . Men do not have to endure the endless stream of perfect men. Do a woman's feelings matter or only the mans
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2014): i dumped my ex for looking at porn, I'm not standing for any of it. I should of been the porn. He's now very alone and hasn't had a girlfriend since two and a half years ago and I think it serves him right.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 December 2014):
 of course your feelings matter.
Now if he's addicted then he has issues he has to resolve before he can put you first.
Porn star bodies are not perfect.
In addition his looking at porn is NOT a reflection on you but a reflection on him.
So let me ask you what choices you have
you have said "when you look at porn I feel ugly and unloved"
and he says "i'm sorry" and he promises to not look at porn
and he does
and you say it again....;
that's all that will happen.
IF you can't deal with him looking at porn then you have to make a choice... leave him if he looks at porn again or learn to not say anything.
the issue is if you say "i don't want you to look at porn" and you say "if you do I have to leave" and you do not leave, then you have lost any power you might have.
Telling him how you feel about it and not asking him to make changes is useless as he knows how you feel.
so if you have told him you can't cope with his porn use and he continues... what do you want to do?
what are you going to do?
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (11 December 2014):
It is true, most men like to look at porn. It is also true that it is generally harmless. My own husband enjoys it, and it doesn't bother me.
That said, what you're describing doesn't sound like ordinary porn use. Your word choices such as that he is "constantly" looking at it reeks of an addiction, and I don't think any of us would suggest you "just deal with" an addiction.
I'm not sure what the solution is, as it doesn't seem he is willing to admit he has a problem. Can you talk him into marriage counseling? And if not, can you go by yourself? They may be able to help you work through this.
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