A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi Aunts.I've met this amazing guy and we have been chatting for a while, he is going at a slow pace with me :)he is kind, understanding and says he is very much in love with me, I feel the same. I can trust him and I think he's perfect for me . We have decided we are both going to have sex for the first time and we have planned a date out (fun-filled day then back to a hotel room) . However , I'm not on any birth control . The pill gives me horrific painful and embarrassing yeast infections (had a severe one for about 6 months) so I have avoided it. It means he will need to use condoms. Which is fine for me as it protects from stds and pregnancy of course. He doesn't know my problems with the pill though, I'm too scared to tell him. I don't want to have an infection for my first time with him , I just want to enjoy it... I have not enjoyed sex for a long time for pain and I struggle to orgasm, I just want to be able to let go now I am finally Cured. My question is, do guys lose any pleasure from using condoms rather than bare? I really want this to be a night he won't forget but I don't want to let him down or for him to not feel anything good. He has told me he is happy to use condoms but he said he would like me to be on the pill too to be extra safe. I haven't told him that the pill causes me so much problems... I've tried the coil which was even worse, and two types of pill. Just frightened that he won't feel anything good . Opinions?
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condom, orgasm, std, the pill Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2017): Another option is a diaphragm. I remember the first time I had sex with my wife without a condom but with a diaphragm-- it was so much better!
Since then she has switched to an IUD that she likes much better than the diaphragm. (The pill was not an option she wanted to try.)
You might want to try a different gynecologist.
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (5 July 2017):
 I won't lie. Guys lose a lot of pleasure in wearing a condom. I personally lose pleasure when a guy wears one too, as it's like having sex with a rubber glove! But, it's the responsible thing to do to protect against STI, and if no other contraception method works, that's the alternative.
I personally use the depro-provera injections. The pill contains estrogen that DP doesn't, so it's much easier on my body to have the injections every 3 months like clockwork. It also beats the IUD in not opening myself to infection due to objects placed near my cervix.
Just be honest with him about the effects of the pill on your body, and talk to your doctor about alternatives that will be sensitive to your body, and effective for birth control. Each person is different, and each body reacts to changing hormone levels in different ways.
A condom will dampen your boyfriend's pleasure, but it won't remove it. He'll still enjoy sex, and it will still feel good to him. But it's the different between putting on thin medical gloves to touch things, and then taking those gloves off and touching with bare hands. There *is* a noticeable difference. That's also one of the warning signs of a broken condom, when the sex starts feeling AMAZING as opposed to GOOD.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2017): I don't think you should even discuss the pill with him at this stage as you two are both only getting to know each other and it is really none of his concern just yet. Condoms will be fine and to be honest and fair, it isn't up to him what you decide to do with your body.
I agree with you there on the pill. I was on it years ago and had nothing but issues....severe headaches, nausea, yeast infections, weight gain...Etc. I think as women we go through enough issues as it is without having to deal with the pressures of going on the pill too.
I told my boyfriend after 3 months I am not on the pill and don't intend on doing so ever again. The past 2 years he has asked me a couple of times if I would go on it again but I politely remind him about my horrible past experience and he understands. We will continue to have protected sex until we have children, then afterwards he mentioned he will have a vasectomy so that we can have unprotected sex.
I'll be honest and say sex is not as good with a condom and the more you love someone, the worse it feels because it's as if there is a barrier there between the two of you. But to be honest and fair, I would rather have sex that feels only 80% good rather than have all of those issues I had before.
Remember, it's your body and your choices. Don't let anybody ever pressure you into doing something you don't feel comfortable doing. Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (3 July 2017):
 The pill is not for everyone. And that is the truth. I suggest YOU buy some condoms to bring as well, that way the whole - I forgot or whatnot can't happen.
Do men lose out? I do think it hinders SOME of the pleasure but I don't think it's comparable to getting yeast infections.
Here is the thing as well, OP. ONCE you have BOTH gotten a STD test panel done (if you have had sex with others before) there are things YOU can do that doesn't REQUIRE a condom, such as oral. So he will HAVE to the opportunity to get as MUCH pleasure as he can from that.
And like Janniepeg mentioned you CAN do some fertility charting and know what days you are MOST fertile and simply AVOID sex those days.
I would ALSO suggest you talk to your doctor about the options for no-hormone or non hormonal birth control.
Things like sponges and/or cervical caps are NON-hormonal so I think if USED in tandem WITH condoms you two will be fairly well protected.
You question was, should you tell him why you aren't on the pill. YES. There is nothing wrong with having had yeast infections and not wanting them again. Hormonal birth controls CAN give the user yeast infections and something a lot worse than that. There are NO medical side-effects to using condoms (unless you/he are allergic to latex....
Info on sponge/cervical cap
Sponge
The contraceptive sponge is made from plastic foam. It’s inserted into the vagina before sexual intercourse, acting as a barrier between sperm and your cervix. This single-use method is meant to be used with spermicide, which kills sperm.
You can leave a sponge in for up to 24 hours and have sexual intercourse as many times as you want during this time period. The important thing to remember is that you need to wait at least six hours after the last time you had sexual intercourse before you take it out. You shouldn’t leave a sponge in for any longer than 30 hours total.
With perfect use, the sponge is 80 to 91 percent effective. With typical use, that number drops a bit 76 to 88 percent.
Spermicide
Spermicide is a chemical that kills sperm. It usually comes as a cream, foam, or gel.
Some popular brands include:
Encare Vaginal Contraceptive Inserts, Gynol II, Contraceptive Gel, Conceptrol Contraceptive Gel
When used alone, spermicide fails around 28 percent of the time. That’s why it’s a good idea to use it along with condoms, sponges, and other barrier methods.
Cervical cap
A cervical cap is a reusable silicone plug that can be inserted into the vagina up to six hours before intercourse. This prescription-only barrier method blocks the sperm from entering the uterus. The cap, which goes by the name FemCap in the United States, can be left in your body for up to 48 hours.
There’s a wide range in efficacy, with a failure rate between 14 and 29 percent. As with all barrier methods, the cap is more effective when used with spermicide. You’ll also want to check the cap for any holes or weak points before using it. One way you can do this is by filling it with water. Overall, this option is more effective for women who haven’t given birth before.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (3 July 2017):
 Don't be embarrassed to tell him about problems after being on the pill. Although yeast infections sound gross, a lot of people report problems like mood disorders and digestive issues which are equally troublesome. Women should not have to feel pressured to be on the pill so that men could feel pleasure. The pleasure should be from the bonding and physical intimacy. As long as a man ejaculates, he would feel good. If you are happy, then he feels good. The worries about pregnancy already took out a lot of pleasure from sex. Also stuff like, when to pull out, is the condom going to break, etc. You can't always get everything you want in life. If you two settle down into a rhythm and you are confident that your cycles are reliable like clock work, then designate a couple of safe days in a month without using condoms. You can use fertility awareness (natural rhythm) to determine which days you are least likely to be fertile. He can still pull out to just to be safe.
Men need to be aware that side effects from the pill are a real thing. They are not exaggerations, petty warnings from neurotic people. No one should be taught to think that refusing to be on the pill means someone is irresponsible when our health should be our priority. We should not have to numb our emotions, kill our sex drive, mess up or digestive system so that men can selfishly have pleasure.
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A
male
reader, Phil052  +, writes (3 July 2017):
 Just explain to him that the pill or coil are not options due to previous problems, therefore he will need to wear a condom. I don't think they spoil sex at all, the only downside for me is putting one on just when you want to get down to action, but there's no way around this issue! I don't think the fact he has to wear a condom will spoil your first night together!
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