A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Here's the dilemma: I've been seeing a girl, roughly same age (23/24) for a few months now. I'm a virgin and recently found out she isn't. I'm afraid this will make her lose interest in me and also it makes me wonder if I really want to lose my first time to her. I care about her and really want to be with her, but I have this feeling of being "unequal" if we were to start a relationship. She'd always be more special to me than I am to her and that's not a healthy thing.What should I do? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): Who cares.
It will be such an earth shattering experience I would go for it now and debate about semantics later.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 December 2010): My other half was a virgin when we met and he was also ten years older than yourself. As it happens, he initially lies to me about it and only told me the truth after a month or so following having sex. My opinion was quite the contrary to what you have presumed - I was very flattered I was his first and to be honest I find I trust him more than someone who would play around. And he has proved himself to be an amazing and very considerate lover. It has never left us on unequal terms as he knows i Care more for him than anyone else. I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, compleatly confused  +, writes (28 December 2010):
dear anon,
I have had similar experiences of not feeling equal and feeling like I love them more ,the truth is you never know what someone is thinking so why not ask them
as for the loosing your virginity to her , you have to ask yourself if it feels right ? alot of people arnt put off by the fact your a virgin , they like it more that they are the ones to break it it makes them feel like that special someone if you understand me
the truth is , does it feel right? i wouldn't do it untill you know you are special to her , and not just another chocolate in the tin
all the best of luck , I hope she loves you back!
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A
female
reader, compleatly confused +, writes (28 December 2010):
dear anon,
I have had similar experiences of not feeling equal and feeling like I love them more ,the truth is you never know what someone is thinking so why not ask them
as for the loosing your virginity to her , you have to ask yourself if it feels right ? alot of people arnt put off by the fact your a virgin , they like it more that they are the ones to break it it makes them feel like that special someone if you understand me
the truth is , does it feel right? i wouldn't do it untill you know you are special to her , and not just another chocolate in the tin
all the best of luck , I hope she loves you back!
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A
female
reader, Dreamer1988  +, writes (27 December 2010):
 Look out for yourself- you seem to be using sex as a way to show how insecure you really are. If you don't want to be a virgin at 50, let her be your first time (unless you have some religious convictions.) I'm just saying, you need to take care of your life first... what's more important to you, being a virgin or not being a virgin?
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 December 2010):
 I can understand why you would feel that way, but most women will tell you that they would not be turned off if their guy was a virgin. In fact, many would be turned on and comforted by the fact that you've been saving yourself. It's the sign of self control that many men simply don't have any desire to have. It's your choice, but don't think that virginity makes you a loser. Anyone who thinks that is the loser in my book.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response dirtball, but about this:
1. If you don't have sex then she will lose interest. This is only true if she's shallow and not a good person. It's true that some people will want sex, but if she doesn't respect your decision then you're better off without her.
It's not about having sex with her, it's about not having had it before. At my age I'm starting to feel kind of like a pathetic loser and I have a hard time believing she'd think different about that.
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A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (27 December 2010):
You've got some misconceptions about virginity and relationships that aren't uncommon.
1. If you don't have sex then she will lose interest. This is only true if she's shallow and not a good person. It's true that some people will want sex, but if she doesn't respect your decision then you're better off without her.
2. Your relationship would be unequal because she would be more special to you than you are to her. You think this because she would be your first and you wouldn't be hers. The thing is, you could be MORE special than her first. She's not with him anymore, so maybe he wasn't as great as she thought he was at some time.
When you have sex, you give a little of yourself to the other person. It is up to you who you want to give that to. There is no such thing as being "even" or equal or any of that BS. Either you love each other, or you don't, past and all.
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