A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey guys!Right, here's the deal, met these group of friends a while a go, and one of them i had a bit of a thing with, but well it wasnt really anything, i wasnt attracted to him, it was just one of them things you go with, well that's passed now.The problem is, ive really fallen for his friend, and his friend has apparently fallen for me too, as one night we got together and he told me so, he asked me to wait for him, as he does not want to hurt his friends feelings, AND he's just broken up with his girlfriend.Basically, i really like this guy, i dont want to have to wait though,me and the first guy are over now, and it's not my fault if he's not over me yet, and i dont know, i cant explain how i feel about this guy, everytime i see him now, its just like, wow, haha, i have genuine feelings for him.I dont know what to do, do i wait? i dont want his ex girlfriend around also, i dont want to be in the middle of that, as they are 'sorting things out' even though he sais he doesnt feel the same anymore.i basically need advice on how to approach this situation and how to get him to see that im not going to wait too long, if he really likes me, im here now. and im not messing around, please help guys! will really really appreciate it!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): Well..if you don't wish to wait, then move on. It's that simple. That guy shouldnt' be pressured...he already told you how he feels and that he wants to wait because, he just got out of a relationship with his ex.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto the first answer -
he wasnt inlove, it wasnt a relationship, it wasnt anything, i dont think im being cruel here, i can assure you if it was a relationship i wouldnt be this quick to be rid of this guy.
youve got me completley wrong, i just simply really like this guy and i dont want to be in the situation where im waiting around, i want to know simply what to do.
thanks everyone though for your kind words and support, i really do appreciate it xxxxxx
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): I actually think you're very inconsiderate of others and quite cruel to be honest. You don't care what happens to your ex, nor this guy who is risking both her relationship and his friendship just for you. I suggest you to take a good look at yourself and realize that this isn't some game you're playing. You may not, but people do actually feelings for eachother and they often.. hurt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): Also, you seem to have no sort of regard for your ex by citing that it's not your fault he isn't over you. You come off as being cruel in your remark...you have no idea how much effort it takes to get over a person you truly love. It doesn't just happen overnight. I hope this new guy you are after takes it very, very slow with you because you don't seem to have a high regard for the feeligns of others and you come off as being self centered and selfish. The question is: are you worth the wait.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): It doesnt matter if you "don't want to wait" what do you want the guy to do? Use you as a rebound? It's like the first poster said, "count your blessings." This guy isn't ready for you or a relationship so you should just leave it as that and not try to rush anything. Be smart...not in a rush to make something happen. That guy can't make himself get over his ex with just a snap of his fingers...you have people that never get over they're ex's, so you are wrong for putting that type of pressure on the guy. You are coming off as being desperate and you will end up with your heart broken..just because a person likes you doesn't mean they love you or will love you, or that it will lead to a relationship of some sort.
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male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (27 July 2010):
 Oh you'll wait. He's doing the right thing for both himself and you by leaving some time between relationships. Start seeing this time as a blessing instead of a curse.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2010): Dang,
I've been in a similar situation where I fell for a guy but he never told me that his ex was still madly in love with him and that she wanted them to work out. So, I tried giving him some space and he chose her over me! I was so bummed! I thought there was real chemistry. All I can say is that ex-girlfriend baggage is one of the worst!
I ended up leaving the situation. Although he didn't love her as much as she loved him, he told me there was still a huge guilt factor and he couldn't just leave her hanging. I let him chase me but I never saw him behind me. Why should I stick around with someone who isn't completely over their ex? I deserve more than that and so do you.
Hope that helps a bit.
:)
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reader, Danielepew  +, writes (27 July 2010):
 I suppose he is trying to let some time pass so that his friend won't think he took you right from under his nose. I can understand his point. Some people would say that, if you want to avoid problems, you should never date or kiss or have "it-was-nothing-really"'s with your friends' women, but I know sometimes things are not that way.
Maybe you can use the "waiting time" as "getting-to-really-know-you time"?
I f-f-f-f-f-ind it kind of odd that you just can't wait. That suggests this is more like fun than like real interest. If Lauren Graham said she could be with me if only I waited, say, two months, I could do it, because I sort of like the woman. Now, if I were interested in playing Space Invaders, I would surely not wait two months to do that. Got me?
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