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Do I wait for her to choose?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 July 2010) 1 Answers - (Newest, 12 July 2010)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I've been in a on and off relationship for close to 10 years which started in College. Most of the offs were my fault. The last time we got back together 2 years ago I thought things had been really going well. I proposed about a year ago and we started to plan out wedding. I few months back she became close friends with a work associate of hers. I was uncomfortable with this from the start because outside of work they started to spend sometimes hours on the phone. For two months a begged her to tell me what was going on and told her that if she didn't stop speaking with him I may not be able to go on with the relationship. During this I became very depressed lost close to 20 pounds (I wasn't overweight) and asked her multiple times to give us a chance. She insisted I was overreacting and I finally snooped and saw that they had been talking about being in love with each other. I confronted her about this and asked her again to stop speaking with him to give us a chance. She said she couldn't and ended our engagement. He's married and is now getting divorced which I don't know how much is because of her. So we moved out but have still been talking. She recently said that she thinks she may have made a mistake leaving me. But she will admit that she still loves this other person. She has lied to me so much which is something she was always very against. Now she wants me to try again but she still has feelings for this co-worker who she sometimes has to travel alone with for a week at at time.

I want to take her back but am very afraid. She has know shown she is willing to lie about him. She said she can't promise the same thing won't happen. He will always be there through her work. And she believes she us both but wants to try with me. I do love her so much but I feel like I gave her so many chances to stop and give us a chance and we may be to far gone by know. Not because I don't love her but because I'm not sure about the trust anymore. I also feel that I deserve someone who only loves me not someone who can fall in love with others and watch me deteriorate while doing nothing. Am I being overly dramatic.

View related questions: co-worker, depressed, divorce, got back together, moved out, overweight, wedding

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (12 July 2010):

My friend, please have nothing more to do with this woman. She is playing you because things with this other man haven't worked out. She will play you, continue to try and find someone else and then dump you again. She loves this other man, not you. She's just coming to you because you're the loyal man who will run around after her while she tries to find someone else. This relationship has never really worked, because you've been on/off so much. You're right, she did make a mistake. She knows she made a mistake because now she has no one. But the moment you take her back, she will lie and cheat again. This was a woman who was engaged to you, and has treated you badly. She will continue to treat you badly. She won't give her work up, she has said she can't promise that she won't lie and treat you badly again, and she has admitted she still loves him. Don't take her back. As a friend, girlfriend, fiance and wife, she is utterly worthless and will always be worthless to you.Let her go, cut contact and find a woman who loves you and is actually worthy of your attention. This woman is not

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