A
male
 ,
*ecentguy1
writes:I am having a bit off a tough time...I'm a male, 42, and still keep in touch with my ex-fiancee, who is now married for 2 yrs with a new baby...the problem is we have been broken up for 7 years now. However, during this entire time, we have always either emailed, called, or had lunch at least 2x a month...sometimes more, sometimes less. We had a powerful and great love, which i sadly ruined by giving in to my lust with a girl i worked for. And everyone has said, "well, it wasn't meant to be"...which isn't true...i honestly made a mistake, and hurt her terribly (i was her first bf and lover and it was deep and real)...anyhow, she always tells me her relationship with the new guy is "eh"..and he works crazy hours, and spends downtime with friends..she married him i believe out of fear of being alone...When i meet her, it feels like yesterday, and we have such fun being together for that time..and she told me the other day, that "you never know what can happen"..regarding the future...also, i told her i'm single, and it's hard because she set the "bar too high" and she looked at me almost in tears and said "you set the bar too high"....and yesterday, she told me when it gets warmer, we'll have to meet for breakfast with the baby...sooooo i am stuck....I don't know what to do...truly, i can't imagine her not being in my life somehow, however, i don't know what to do...friends say move on, forget her, live your life....well, i've tried it, and done it, yet i still miss her and eventually she'll reach out to me..Do i tell her how i feel?? do i write her a letter? do i meet her and just tell her i still love her but can't continue??? i'm so confused, and i'm 42!! thanks and god bless..
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (27 February 2010):
 Decent Guy
To err is human
To forgive is DIVINE!
FOR ALL HAVE SINNED AND COME SHORT OF THE GLORY OF GOD.
When you ask forgiveness HE FORGIVES. The option to fogive for the one who was hurt is up to them. No matter what you do please remember that you cannot change the past but you are intitled to a future. When you have asked forgiveness, letting go although it isn't easy is the only way to really move forward into the future. Don't allow the past to destroy your future. You were brave to come here and post this for all to see. That shows you can stand up and say that you were wrong and judgement against you is left in the hands of your ex- girlfriend and ULITMANTELY TO GOD!
Thank you for seeing your fault and admitting it. Not everyone can do it! That indeed can make you a step ahead of many others who have wronged someone. Just take it one day at the time. After all WE ARE ONLY HUMAN.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2010): The truth hurts, huh?
Karma already came around in your case; you deeply hurt someone who loved you and because of your actions you missed your chance to make her YOUR wife and the mother of YOUR child. It's as plain as that. And I agree with Marie, you need to check your motivation before you start meddling in her marriage. In the past 7 years that you've been hanging out with her, why didn't you realize that you loved her BEFORE she married this other man? Are you suddenly in love with her now because you are 42 and alone?
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A
male
reader, Decentguy1 +, writes (27 February 2010):
Decentguy1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo the anonymous reader who posted such a hurtful comment, karma comes around my friend!
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (27 February 2010):
You are welcome. A heart is long way from a happy existance if only on half of it beats. You pain is deep for you but in time a heart will mend...in the right time and in God's timming. May your heart be blessed with forgiveness and allow you to be open to the love of another when the times comes. My best to you in all that you do and peace be unto you from this day forward.
God is watching and if you trust and obey, you will go so much further. Let HIS WILL BE DONE! Love the Lord with all your might and you will soon see things differently.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
God bless you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): Too bad you didn't realize you loved her BEFORE she married someone else. Looks like you missed your chance when you screwed her over all those years ago.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (26 February 2010):
 'You shall not covet your neighbor's house; you shall not covet your neighbor's wife, nor his male servant, nor his female servant, nor his ox, nor his donkey, nor anything that is your neighbor's.'
What is your motive of wanting to tell her that you still love her ?
Check yourself before it is too late.
Don't get emotionally involved with a married woman. You will be their cause of their problems and unhappiness.
If you are married one day ,would you like some man to come and mess with your wife?
That will be Karma.
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A
male
reader, Decentguy1 +, writes (26 February 2010):
Decentguy1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all, your advice is sound and helps..I guess as blueangel said, it's god's plan, not mine....
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (26 February 2010):
OOOPs that was meant to be friend and not wife. Sorry for the typo.
Blue_Angel
*(**)^
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A
female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (26 February 2010):
It sounds like she may love you to BUT she is married! Until she can decide to leave and divorce her husband you have no place other than friend in her life. You should never believe this will happen but there is a big chance it never will since she has a child. Again there is a possiblity she could leave but then you may be raising another man's child.
She is saying you never know what the future may bring BUT in essence she is uncertain about what she probably really wants and where HER life is going. This really may or may not have anything directly to do with you. I would suggest that you simply back off because at this point nothing really good is going to come from this. If you break up her home by hanging round then you could be causing harm not only to her but yourself. She may really love this guy deepdown or perhaps she loves you in a kind hearted way but more as to a friend and you still may not win her!
Find something else to occupy your time and try dating. Themnore people you tend to be around the more prospects you have for a new love interest. I am sure you are huting and I can understand that but you need to move on and as we all know What Will Be, Will Be. The hard facts though that time will tell and Only GOD knows for sure. We can alter our Destiny by the things we do but God had the Master Plans and I'll just bet if you listen you will hear an answer very soon. Pray for Peace for in His infinate wisdom HE CAN AND WILL HELP....Trust me....If you aren't attending church, perhaps that might be the avenue for you both. BTW Don't forget to profess your sin to the Lord and and ask your wife for forgiveness. Be sure not to forget to FORGIVE YOURSELF~~ Accept what you have done and then move on.
God bless,
Blue_Angel
^(**)^
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2010): I know how you feel man, im in the same boat as you, however not 7 years but only 7 months since my break up. Still miss her after 7 months and im affraid im going to be just like you, 7 years later stil in love with her. My advice is to focus on yourself abit more, maintain healthy mind and spirit and good things will come, im not sure if it will be her that will come, or another woman but you have to not think about her and always wonder if you will be with her, because it will drive you insane, like it is doing to me. I am traveling soon to further my spiritual growth to study shaolin kung fu in the mountains.. what i suggest to you is not to do the same or take up some sport or some other mental/phsyical challenge, to keep your mind off things. Im not sure what your financial situation is like so i cant suggest much more. Or else all you can do is wait and hope.. just remember there is someone out there who can give u what she gave you, and more.. you just have try and find her or you can be patient, and let her come to you Orrrrrr you can risk it all. . . and tell her (yuour ex) you stil in love with her and for her to leave her husband and marry you instead. .. but that is a big risk .. id much rather wait and let her make the first move .. but its all up to you .. be wise.. be smart. goodluck.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 February 2010):
She's married and has a baby. If you say anything, you will be seen as really bad. Tell her nothing. Your friends are right. They can see all the problems. You need to move on.
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