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female
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*edneckgirl16971
writes: My mother had my ex boyfriend arrested when I was 16. He was 20. He was mad at me for a little while for her finding out. I live with my grandmother nad I still sneak around just to see him. My birthday is in 12 days and I won't have to worry about sneaking around because my mother gave me permission to move out at 17 since we don't get along. Since then we have talked, but the problem is, he is engaged. We have also had sex 3 times in the past 2 months. This girl and him had been together before for a year before he met me. He still tells me he loves me but he is afraid of getting arrested again. He also complains that she never does anything around the house and she complains about everything all the time. He has also caught her having lunch with another guy recently. His girlfriend has never liked me, but we have to put up with each other because my best friend dates his cousin and we are always around each other. Do I tell his girlfriend what happened so they will break-up and we can get back together, or do I wait for her to find out from one of my ex's cousins who is mad at me and I know he will tell her, or do I tell her myself?
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female
reader, Jovial  +, writes (31 October 2006):
 Soory for mixing up responses i dont know wat went wrong, this is ur response:
Dear redneckgirl16971
Ever wondered why we feel irritated when someone interferes in our life? Whether it is good or bad we normally don’t care. The cause of this is, at that time we think we are always right and that someone is either jealous or has become a nuisance or they don’t understand how we feel or they want to control our lives, funny thing is that feeling often happen when u are a teenager. And I know that’s what u think ur mom is doing am I right? Have u asked urself why she is always wrong and u are always right? Do that now.
You know you are still so young having ur life whole life ahead of you and a mother who care so much. Do you know how many kids who wishes to have a protective mother like yours? At your age you shouldnt be worrying about scheming to keep a boyfriend you are suppose to be having fun with boys ur age time will come when u will wish u had a little fun and during that time life wont be so friendly anymore, probably ur mother wont be there as well. It is good to move out from home but it carries responsibilities and frankly speaking I dont think u are matured enough to be by urself.
You are busy scheming to get a guy who is engaged to someone else an older guy who has no respect for you at all that guy was not suppose to touch u. Your mother got him arrested so that u can be safe not because he hates u or him but off course she does hate his deeds. If what he says about his fiancee is true why is he still with him if what she does bothers him?
Stop making excuses for him your life is worth so much more. Enjoy being u accept that u are still a 16 year old who needs her mother's guidance because a mistake u make today u will pay for it for as long as u live. Hope this helps.
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (31 October 2006):
 Hey Red,
Are you sure you really have feelings for this guy, or is it because you like the thrill of being with a guy who is already taken? I really think you ought to walk away from this guy.
If you really want to have him, though, then I wouldn't say anything to anyone except for the guy you're seeing. If you want him to choose, then you're going to have to tell him it's either you or his fiance. And if he chooses her, then you really need to back away from him. I'm not only saying this because there is someone else involved, but because this situation is going to keep driving you crazy like it is now.
On the other hand, if he chooses you, are you sure that you will be able to trust him? So far it doesn't really seem like he's a dedicated individual.
And if this other girl finds out about you and her fiance, then that's something you're going to have to take resonsibility for and deal with.
Honestly, I really do hope that you stop seeing this guy. He is not thinking of you at all - only himself. If he valued your feelings at all, then he would have left this girl. He sounds self-centered and you could do much better than that. It also sounds like you have a "take-no-crap" attitude - so don't take any of his crap, okay? Stand up for yourself and let him know what's up. And then stick with what you decide.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, geqo +, writes (31 October 2006):
 This might not be the answer you're looking for, but I think it's one you need to read. You need to ask yourself (1) how much you like your boyfriend and (2) how much he likes you.
It seems to me that he's a player. He's ENGAGED to another girl (I doubt they'd get engaged for no reason - there must be SOMETHING between them), and yet he's cheating on her with you. Looks like he's using either you or both of you for only his own needs, ignoring yours.
If he really likes you that much, tell him to leave his fiancè.
Her going to lunch with another guy is not a sin. He could just be a friend. And I don't blame her for not liking you - you're sleeping with her husband-to-be!!
I think you should first talk to your boyfriend and push for his feelings on the matter, and if he doesn't respond bring the matter into the open so that he's forced to make a decision.
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A
female
reader, Jovial +, writes (31 October 2006):
I am sorry that u had it so bad in your past but the question is do you want your past to over shadow your present as well as your future? I h’ been there I lived and breathed what u are talking about so Im not going to give u theory but a real thing.
Don’t be so vulnerable and allow bad experience to cloud your judgment. You are an intelligent grown woman, a woman of strength who can survive anything yet you cant see a good thing in front of you, because you are busy comparing relationships, people are not the same so are relationships, the pain might be related but its never the same. Stop living in your past and live in your present ever heard the saying life is the best teacher? So you were not a victim but a student. Now its time to apply everything u learned in the past to ur present life and all the mistakes you made can never be repeated.
Everyone might say what they think is right for you but you are the one holding the keys to your happiness, you were hurt before so what? Who said life is fair? But it goes on, the longer you shut yourself in that bottle the more the lid is getting tighter and tighter that you will start suffocating and ur rescuer will have to break the bottle and that is the most painful experience as u will regret why u didn’t come out while u still can because life has passed you by.
Lets say you are right when u say all the good single guys are taken but u took one as well so why do you care?
Sister I say take your life back and enjoy the ride I was gonna say bcos u deserve better but u have the best. Make no mistake because if this man realizes you are just stringing him along bcos u cant make up ur mind or cant let go of ur past he will leave you, as he doesn’t sound like a player remember he deserve better. Don’t worry about falling inlove just let yourself be and you will love like u neva bin hurt. Good luck
Dear redneckgirl16971
Ever wondered why we feel irritated when someone interferes in our life? Whether it is good or bad we normally don’t care. The cause of this is, at that time we think we are always right and that someone is either jealous or has become a nuisance or they don’t understand how we feel or they want to control our lives, funny thing is that feeling often happen when u are a teenager. And I know that’s what u think ur mom is doing am I right? Have u asked urself why she is always wrong and u are always right? Do that now.
You know you are still so young having ur life whole life ahead of you and a mother who care so much. Do you know how many kids who wishes to have a protective mother like yours? At your age you shouldnt be worrying about scheming to keep a boyfriend you are suppose to be having fun with boys ur age time will come when u will wish u had a little fun and during that time life wont be so friendly anymore, probably ur mother wont be there as well. It is good to move out from home but it carries responsibilities and frankly speaking I dont think u are matured enough to be by urself.
You are busy scheming to get a guy who is engaged to someone else an older guy who has no respect for you at all that guy was not suppose to touch u. Your mother got him arrested so that u can be safe not because he hates u or him but off course she does hate his deeds. If what he says about his fiancee is true why is he still with him if what she does bothers him?
Stop making excuses for him your life is worth so much more. Enjoy being u accept that u are still a 16 year old who needs her mother's guidance because a mistake u make today u will pay for it for as long as u live. Hope this helps.
...............................
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