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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: While paying the phone bill I found that my boyfriend sent 33 text messages in the past month. Not that unusual except that he has only sent 1 or 2 a month in the past and when I asked who he had sent so many messages to, he responded with a smile and "you didn't get the message I sent yesterday, did you?" but never answered my question. Checking my call log, he did send a message that day that I did not receive but there were no others. We live together and both work from home so we're together 24/7 practically, he has given me no other reason to doubt him and if it weren't for the fact that there is a "friend" that I know he has a crush on and I'm aware that he has feelings for, I would only be mildly curious.Now I'm so torn - do I stoop to snooping his cell while he sleeps (really not my style!)? or confront him again - this time demanding an answer? I am not, normally, the jealous type and I am so angry with myself for not being able to let this go. I would be so hurt and insulted if the conversation were turned around. Then again, I don't send messages to anyone I'm not willing to share with him. At 52, I am way too old for this high-school stuff. Any advice? Any guys out there with a different perspective?Thanks very much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): Maybe this is an idealistic way of seeing a solution to the problem but can't you just sit down and say:
"hey [insert his name], i know it might sound silly to you but it is really bothering me who you've sent 33 text messages to, who was it?"
Sound very sincere, not accusing.
Surely he'll just tell you? And then all this worry will be over straight away? Or am I missing something... ?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all - very much. Sometimes you just need to hear what you already know. The line ". . . and lead us not into temptation" keeps bouncing around in my head. I appreciate your time & the thought put into your replies. I will give more thought to why this is bothering me so much and try to work it through before confronting him again. Not normally a patient person, I do believe this is a situation where 'time will tell' and I'd rather be able to face any situation with a clear conscience. Thank you again for your thoughtful replies.
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A
female
reader, Wendyg  +, writes (9 January 2007):
 I know how your feeling.... STOP! Stop the snooping now! If there wasnt a problem to start there soon will be! Ive fallen pray to this myself before, and no good came of it. Even if there is no other evidence they are cheating or intending to cheat, you end up making it up in your head... and you go on and on checking the phone for no reason, even when all doubts erased, the seed is still there nagging. Do not check the phone. Leave this well alone, enjoy the man you have, if you start doubting you will ruin the relationship single handidly and without knowing it push your man away. Now enjoy it, you have no reason to think hes cheating, or intending to, so give him some room to breathe, so what if he sent a few extra text messages, doesnt mean they were to a female after all.
Relax a little hes with you, enjoy each other, not start doubting.
hope things work out for you.
Take care
x x
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A
male
reader, idoneitagain  +, writes (9 January 2007):
I don't believe in snooping, or any kind of behaviour which can result in breaking trust, or that is inherently dishonest in nature. That's not to say that it might not be an easier solution, but I always take the honest and sometimes more difficult route if it means maintaining my integrity. That's a choice you need to make.
The alternative to snooping is to talk to him about it. It might be one of those awkward conversations where it is not really a big deal to either of you, and you end up making more of it than it actually is, which is annoying to both of you. Nevertheless, the truth shall set you free. Have a think about what is bothering you, and tell him. Maybe you don't mind him messaging some girl, but that his secrecy made you feel weird. Not sure exactly what your feelings are, but have a think about them and let him know how you feel. He will react, and you go from there. With good communication and some understanding on both sides, hopefully that doesn't blow up in your face!!
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, vina_101 +, writes (9 January 2007):
 Please stop snooping. Snooping doesn't get anyone anywhere. It's not good. You say you wouldn't like it if he was doing it to you so don't do it to him. I know you're curious and all that but curiosity killed the cat and what you don't know won't hurt you. If he was doing something suspicious then I'm sure you would know about it by now. Stop being so insecure. What's this about him having a crush on someone else? How do you know that?You're his girlfriend right? And he's with you right?
You are stressing over something that really isn't that big of a deal. It's a bit obsessive to know how many text messages he sent and in what time space...I mean really. You're giving yourself unecessary stress. But if it really is bothering you that much then you should ask him what's going on. But if you do that he'll know you've been snooping. So if you don't want that to happen then you'll just have to let it go and forget about it. Get you mind of it and find something else to do.
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