A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am Planning to split with my husband of 12 years since he's been cheating, controlling and rude and I said I wanted out coz I just felt completely devoid of love for him and even felt I was getting attracted to other men which is very unlike me... and now though he says he's sorry and loves me I just can't decide if I love him coz I think I stopped loving him a while ago and was just living as a compromise and lost foundation of what love should feel like. So when I am not with him, am at work or with kids, I have no desire to call him or meet him and I get on happily feeling relaxed now that I have stood my ground. And when he is with me, i swing from completely disliking him at some of his childish pranks to feeling some times like I want a hug but since I have said to him to move on, I don't cuddle up or let him know this since he may think ive changed my mind and we are back. We don't have sex since I said I'm not in love with him any more..is this how it feels to love a person; I've completely forgotten. Do I love him enough to be a couple again. Or is it just that I need a hug and frankly anyone would be attractive - its him coz he happens to be there living with me...and is father of my kids.
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at work, move on, no desire Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys, your answers have been so helpful and give me the self assurance that I'm doing the right thing since in the house he is making me feel the opposite and I just feel traumatised.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (15 July 2012):
 Hi
Been there got the Tshirt, I was told I was stupid that I would come to my senses,I was totally selfish,nobody else would want me etc He tried everything but his 'crimes' were unforgivable,the love gone, trust too. Left me drained, weight loss,stressed to the max,questioning myself but I would not be swayed.I wish you all the luck in the world, best move I ever made.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks so much guys, he is going to move out next month but he thinks I love him and given a year or so away I'll come back to 'normal' and says to me that you can't just stop loving someone - in the sense that I can't stop loving him. And he says that I will eventually fall back in love with him. In fact inspire of me saying I don't live him he still insisted on sex for a while and now has stopped trying knowing I just am not going to allow it at all. He says I am seeking my own happiness at the cost of the rest of the family (making me feel selfish) and since he has been at best behaviour for 2 months that I've told him - his argument now is - now everything is fine sp what's your problem? But I ask him to go hoping he'll find some one else and leave me alone and that I'll find someone else. We are both in early thirties and reasonably attractive. But yes men find me hot I'm told but never approach me since I appear (and am) the highly paid/intelligent type spend most of my time at office, with kids or at the gym.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (14 July 2012):
 Seems more like you got yourself an unpleasant room mate who you used to have feelings for.
I think you might have a little bit of fear of being on your own, but I do think you should consider NOT living together with him, as he seems rather toxic to you.
Or to put it another way, you have a case of the :"better the devil I know". If you know what I mean.
There comes a time in some relationships where you just operate on fumes. The trust is gone, the love, the desire, the lust, the happiness all that is left is familiarity.
You are only in your 30's (I assume) so why give up on finding someone you can be happy with? Why settle for THIS guy?
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A
female
reader, AbigailBradbury +, writes (14 July 2012):
 You seem "comfortable" with him. It's routine, you have a family and so you've faced the fact you have a commitment to stay with this guy forever. Ok so if you left him it'd be bad for a while, it'd be hard for the children and it could turn bitter, but it'd get better. Or you stay with him and be miserable for the rest of your life? Think about yourself. Leave him. You don't seem to love him anymore. Unfortunately this happens :( x
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (14 July 2012):
Hi
Hes been cheating controlling and rude and even though your splitting up, he still lives with you.
No wonder your confused.
Hes familiar,you have children and a history. If your serious about this divorce then get him to move out so it feels real. If you want to try again then you have alot of rebuilding to do. Either way you two under the same roof gives him hope and you doubts. So get him to leave and then decide.The atmosphere at the moment is no good for you or the children.
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