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male
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anonymous
writes: I've been dating this girl for almost 5 years now and i can say that she is fun to be with. We had our shares of ups and downs for the past few years. But i keep on thinking about my ex-girlfriend, whom i've been with for 2 years before my current girlfriend. She (my ex) is one of my closest friends. I feel comfortable when i'm with her. She is funny, smart and cool. For the past months, i can't get her off my head. I keep on sending e-mails to her and keep calling her, instead of my girlfriend. I know my ex still has feelings for me. Since we broke up, she never had a single boyfriend, never dated anyone and her friends would always tell me she can't love another man other than me. I still love her, that's for sure. I can never imagine my life without her and I'm sure she's the woman i wanna grow old with.But the problem is i have a girlfriend. And i know she loves me more than anything else. I do love her, but it was nothing compared to the love i have for my ex. And ever since i migrated to a different country, I've done some soul searching. My girlfriend and i have been apart for a year now, and still she wouldn't let go of me. She's still waiting for me to come back. Not that i told her i don't want her anymore, it's because i'm afraid i'll break her heart. I realized I'm still madly in love with my ex more than my current girlfriend now. I'm definitely sure she is the girl I want to spend the rest of my life with. What should I do? Please help me I'm losing my mind.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 October 2007): Your not serious are you? Away from your girlfriend for a year is not true love and your reaching out for someone who you know would drop everything for you.
YOu dont love either. Look deeply into yourself and the reasons behind it and you will find you dont love either.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2007): ok so i am having the same problems almost but i just told my current boyfriend how i felt he didnt like that i still loved my ex but i just calmly told asked him how much he loved me he told me that he loved me more then anything in the world. and i explained to him that if he loved me that much he should let me try and find happiness....all im saying is that theres probly no way you can tell you dont wanna be with her with out breaking her heart just try and let her down alittle easy. i mean dont just force it all on her
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2006): Dont be such a relationship-dependant loser. Break up with your current girlfriend, because you dont love her after five years and never will. Then you need to go out and meet some new people, because your ex-girlfriend wont do it for you either. Get out on your own a while, learn what you want and how to get it.
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A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (15 November 2005):
 If you are entirely sure that your ex girlfriend is the one you want to be with, then remaining with your current girlfriend mostly because you don't want to break her heart, is unfair on her and giving her false hopes.
In the short-term, she will be very unhappy if you tell her that you no longer wish to be with her but in the long-term she will gain from your decision. You see, the longer you remain with her, the less time she has of finding someone who can make her truely happy and you also will be staying in a relationship that no longer makes you happy anymore when perhaps you should be with someone else.
I think it is time for you to bite the bullet. This is going to be extremely hard but it is almost a case of being cruel to be kind. The longer you leave it, the worse it will get and though you may be a sensitive soul who hates to hurt anyone, you are ultimately hurting her by staying with her.
Even if your ex girlfriend decides there isn't a future with her, you should still seriously think about ending your relationship with your current girlfriend because you know in your heart of hearts that she doesn't have your full and attentive love which she does deserve.
She will not feel that you are putting her first at all and will be very hurt but you should tactfully allow her to know that your relationship cannot continue and that if it did while you are unhappy like this, you will only make her unhappy too.
Listen to your heart and let her down gently.
My thoughts are with you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2005): Hi. I dont know if the fact that im a female helps but heres what i think. Ok its understandable that you feel scared of letting your current girlfriend down and hurting her by ending it but you are so obviously head over heels, cant eat/sleep in love with your ex! For some reason life can be cruel and doesnt seem to go the way we want or the way we planned. You really do have to finish with your girlfriend, 5 years is a long time to be with someone but its not your fault that your feelings have changed. The more you drag this out the harder it will become. All the time your girlfriend is back where she is waiting for you and loving you she's living a lie. Do the decent thing and finish with her so she can move on and found someone who feels for her like you do for your ex, doesnt she desereve that? There is one problem though that i have with your situation, your ex is an ex for a reason even if it was a small one so dont go into a relationship with her too fast, make sure if you get back with her you make it work this time round. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Belle +, writes (15 November 2005):
I think maybe you need to think firstly of just you and your current girlfriend. Do you want to be with her or not? You said she wouldn't let go of you and is waiting for you to come back, maybe you need to be honest with her and tell her the truth. It will break her heart, and there is nothing you can do to alter this, but the longer you stay together the more you will break her heart.
Your ex has to be a seperate issue, if you split up with your girlfriend then it's time to think about your ex. If she still loves you and you still love her maybe it can work, you don't make it clear how or why you split up. Often if you split up for a good reason, the reason will always be there. It could be that you are idealising the situation with your ex because you feel unhappy with your present girlfriend.
Good luck!
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