A
female
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*atybear
writes:im in a situation that is confusing me i have just meet a great guy and we get on really well.. there has been no drama he texts me and is the cutest guy in the whole wide world. Things were going along really well until a flame from my past the one that i have really only just gotten over got back in touch with me. He mentioned that im looking good and that the way things ended was something he regreted... He started seeing someone else while we were together which isn't really acceptable in my eyes so we parted ways. The thing is i know that my new guy would never do this but i don't have the chemical spark with him that i do with the other. I think its a combination of things that makes this spark like wanting what you carn't have and so on.I really dont want to hurt my new guy cause i do care about him but i need your advice do i play it safe with someone that i do want to be with or do i throw caution to the wind and go back to the old flame that will proberly end badly again but has an x factor that draws me in and drives me crazy Any help would be fantastic
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): Hi Katy, I know what you mean that missing x factor is confusing, but here is the thing, I have been around a long time and have had all kinds of boyfriends and have had long term relationships and very short ones, so I feel I am uniquely qualified to answer your question.
First off, it is human nature to want most what we cannot have...and your ex is feeling that because he knows you have a new boyfriend and it looks like he may actually lose you for good and he is not so sure he is ready to take you off the back burner for good, but think, you have been on his back burner for quite a long time, so what do you think will be the outcome if you let him lure you back in and he has gotten rid of the competition and feels you are his? The best preditor of future behavior really is past behavior, he did not show the best character or his readiness for a commited relationship (which is what you are looking for right?) by getting with another girl while he was in a relationship with you....I would have left, too as you did.
As long as you entertain the idea of getting back together with your ex and allow that spark to re-ignite, you are very unlikely to feel it with the current guy, as you are not open to seeing the possibilities with him, which is part of what gets you excited...so if it were me, I would tell the ex to get lost and stop calling you and to leave you alone, so that you can remain open to a new relationship with a man who returns your feelings and is on the same page as you are emotionally, spiritually, mentally and romantically.
Furthermore, that chemistry or x factor feeling is short lived even in the best romances, it only last at the longest about a year and a half, so you better be sure you have a guy that you really love and that you can have a real loving relationship with, the feelings become much deeper and don't feel as giddy as that initial infatuated high that we often mistake for the real thing.
Sounds like a high class problem you have there Katy, two men who want you!
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