A
male
age
30-35,
*08boi
writes:There is this girl who I haven't known long. We have fell for each other though. She love's me, I love her. It wasn't a physical attraction that started it too. In fact we met through our parents. When we met it just clicked. We always are so happy to talk or see each other. We can't imagine losing each other in our lives. Now the problem is that she has a guy she has been with for 3 years. Also she has known him for 10 years. Her dad has a thing against my family. She has lost interest in the guy she is with. She says she isn't happy with him. I think she is so stressed about this that she doesn't want to make a choice. So my question is, do I make the choice for her and take control? I could do that by telling her to just not care what they say. We are happy so lets be together. Should I do that or should I let her make the choice? So what do you think I should do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, ChiRaven +, writes (6 April 2007):
 Don't try to drive a wedge between her and her family at this stage of your relationship. That's almost certain to backfire on you and cause resentments later on.
First, why not see if you can get this girl to formally break up with the other guy, if she really doesn't love him? That far, I would think you could easily go to try to influence her behavior. Not to say she's yours or anything, just to break up with him.
Once that's done, you should start trying to overcome her father's objections to your family by proving that you are NOT like whatever he has against them. If you hope for a real future with his daughter it's a whole lot easier to do that with his support than with his opposition.
Start a regular relationship with the girl, and take it easy at first. Don't make it a case of you trying to steal the girl or turn her against her family. If you do that you'll only end up with a lot of pain for a lot of people, probably including yourself in the long run.
Don't try to exercise too much control. You're after a partner here, not some kind of a zombie. Let her be herself, a real person. Be considerate.
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (6 April 2007):
 You both seem old and wise enough to make you own decisions. The parents are not part of the equation here. It is between you and her and the other fella. It is her who has to choose what to do and act upon it. You can only support her and be there for her when the time is right. It is her in the relationship and her parents, so she has to build some courage and decide what she wants. Parents have the right to look after the children but you are both adults now and choices like these can not be made for you.
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