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female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm in a relationship but i've just met a co-worker/friend of my boyfriend and he is Gorgeous! i was immediately attracted to him, and his personality excites me. He also is in a long-term relationship (girlfriend). i'm wondering if there is any way to let him know that i like him (just for some harmless fun) to see if he is thinking the same thing, without causing waves in my current relationship? or should i try to avoid him to preserve my relationship with my boyfriend?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2006): Do not agree that flirting can be innocent. Most guys I know WILL get the wrong idea. Don't mess with a guys emotions like that. If guys do that sort of thing they are jerks. If a woman does it she's a tease.
A
reader, schlottjl  +, writes (25 April 2006):
 I agree. Avoid him since you will can't mess every one up for a maybe. Keep in mind that there are thousands of gorgeous, interesting people out there and you will be attracted to most of them. That is normal.
What you want to do though is, not allow these feelings to take root. Economics has a theory called opportunity costs. When weighing a decision we all take into account (or we should anyway) the cost of all things that we cannot have if we choose something else. you can't be partying and at work making money at the same time (unless you are in that one rare job that would eventually ruin parties for you!) So the cost of working is the value of the party and sleeping and having sex (unless your job.....)
If your goal is an intimate and real relationship, you must assess that and decide if your current man is a good fit. Be fair to him and leave all others out of the assessment. Everyone looks a bit less attractive once you know them for sure. Once you really know someone and still will work at keeping things going, then you are well on your way to real relationship bliss.
Once you commit to a partner and keep it clear in your mind that you will stay and work it out even if you temporarily don' t feel like it, then you can flirt because it is more innocent. Then flirting (with every one is fine but flirt with the old ugly men and flirt with the retarded boy too.) Flirting is fun and affirming in these situations. Just not when something important is at steak.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (25 April 2006):
 Dear reader, there is no such thing as harmless fun! Either way, at least one of you wil get seriously hurt. If you get involved purely for "sex" you will start to emotionally fall for him, and then it will turn into a rotten affair and before you know it, you will be what people refer to as a "homewrecker". You dont want that. You are with someone, and so is he, how can you even suggest tellinghim how you feel so you can have a bit of fun. Its not wise, dont do it. xXx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2006): Steer clear for the time being. There's no harm in a little flirting, but if you're both attached, it probably isn't worth your while to pursue this guy seriously. Give it time and the initial awe will probably wear off. Your boyfriend's tolerance/security should be your guide for how flirty you can get. Keep a close eye on it, or else you may end up in trouble with him!
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