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Do I leave my wife over breast implants?

Tagged as: Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (4 September 2012) 19 Answers - (Newest, 11 October 2012)
A male United States age , anonymous writes:

my wife lies to me she had a breast implants done without my permission i dont like it what will i do. leave her?

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A female reader, michlethach United Kingdom +, writes (11 October 2012):

Get over yourself, you are using this excuse to leave your wife. It's just a breast implant. It's her body remember that and not yours. Does she like the fact that you stare at women with bigger breast, I don't think so. Or maybe your just a controlling freak whom need to know everything and control everything.

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A male reader, JustHelpinAgain Canada +, writes (7 September 2012):

OP, did you not discuss this? Did you not understand her feelings? It is very important to a woman how her breasts look and how she feels about them. Even more so after having babies. Sure if they are blown up lime balloons she and you have a problem. Pity you werent more proactive you might just have enjoyed the result to. I would love to be able to afford to have this opportunity to my wife, not because I think her boobs would look or feel much better, but for the confidence it would give her.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (4 September 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntoh from your follow up post it's clear you are looking for a reason to leave....

make it so...

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (4 September 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntwell did she run off and have it done without your knowledge? and just show up at home one day with new boobs?

or did you know about it?

assist with her care after surgery? and now are mad?

where did the money come from? (a good point)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012):

its not the money, its the trust and respect. i know its her body but we share body i'm her husband, were married why she did it behind my back i dont know. where is the respect even i will say no as a husband i have the right to know what's going on. now i don't like the result, so its a torture for me for the rest of my life its not fair for me. i'm not a bad husband i love her so much but i can not trust her anymore. no trust no us. the best thing to do is move on with out her. i have two boys with her age 16 and 11. i dont know what to tell them. i will tell the boys truth and my reasons i hope they will understand me.

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A male reader, GRIFF TANNEN United States +, writes (4 September 2012):

GRIFF TANNEN agony auntMate are you mad??? Your wife gets herself bigger boobs and you consider leaving her? Seriously, do you have any idea what you’re saying??? I don’t know what’s got into you, but if a women wants to make her make herself even more sexy, I wouldn’t be standing in her way!

I think that it’s appreciation that you should be expressing, not resentment!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012):

How long ago did she have this done, and whem

n did you find out?

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (4 September 2012):

Ciar agony auntYep, I agree with YouWish and Stayc that while your wife's body belongs to her and she doesn't need your permission to alter it, she DOES owe it to you to consult with you before she spends thousands of dollars of the family's money on it.

I doubt very much she'd appreciate it if you spent $10,000 on a motorcycle for yourself without even speaking to her about it first.

Should you leave her because of it? No. Not without trying to work this out first. You may need the help of some kind of mediator.

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A female reader, Stayc63088 United States +, writes (4 September 2012):

Stayc63088 agony auntI'm actually surprised at so many answers that it is her body and she can do whatever she wants. I would NEVER EVER even think to go through a major surgery without discussing this with my husband. Sure it is my body, but we are married, we should communicate. Such a surgery is a HUGE deal. It's not like I want a new haircut he is telling me no to. It's major surgery and a large amount of money to go and do without even discussing. That's insane. I could imagine wanting to leave as well. Obviously his wife doesn't care at all about his opinion, doesn't respect him enough to ask for his opinion or thoughts, has no communication, and blows through thousands of dollars without a word to her husband about it.

My advice OP is to get into some marriage counseling if you want to save this marriage. You need to work on your communication with your wife and now work on getting trust back. I always advise to at least try to save the marriage before leaving. But I do find what she did despicable so you aren't alone.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (4 September 2012):

YouWish agony auntHold on a sec!

I completely agree that it's her body and she makes final decision on how she feels she must alter it.

However, at a cost around the $7000-$10,000 range plus maintenence and lab costs, this would qualify as a big ticket item that usually in a marriage with joint funds is a no-brainer for agreement to spend, unless at your house, $10,000 is spare change.

Is this from her own money? Did you have spending allowances allocated to each other, and she either saved the money or is deducting payments from this spending allocation to pay for them?? I would not be happy if my husband went out and burned $10 grand on something without telling me, or over a valid objection (not being able to pay a bill or racking up a credit card with no way to pay it down or dropping a savings account too low or costing a penalty by liquidating an asset like a 401(k).

The moral argument is that she can do what she wants to her body. The financial argument, however, I'd say that unless she had her own money set aside for this, it isn't right to blow past your objection to blow money like that. That's like a guy having a mid-life crisis running out and buying a Corvette without listening to so much as a word from his wife.

I agree, don't automatically leave her. But the two of you need a long talk and maybe some marriage therapy, because it does good to get a refresher course on communication.

Are you upset about her getting them because you think she's wanting to attract someone else? Is there something more to this story? I'm curious, because I've answered from a financial perspective, but this might be an indicator of something you might possibly be more worried about?

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (4 September 2012):

person12345 agony auntPermission? Really? Do you ask permission to get a hair cut? Yes it would have been nice for her to talk to you about it, but it's fairly ridiculous to end a marriage because she didn't seek permission to do something to her own body. Women used to have to need their husband's permission to get hair cuts and change their appearance, but it's not the 1950s anymore.

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A male reader, DoubleM United States +, writes (4 September 2012):

DoubleM agony auntWould have been nice to consult you, but I would not leave her for that,

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012):

Yes, you should leave her. For her sake. She deserves someone that will allow her to change HER BODY without their "permission".

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (4 September 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony auntwhy did she need YOUR PERMISSION to do something for herself?

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A male reader, grymsoul United States +, writes (4 September 2012):

grymsoul agony auntIts HER BODY. What makes you think you have the right to tell her what to do with her body? Yes she may be your wife but she doesnt need permission to do something like this. The most she could have done was ask about your opinion but if she was already determined to do it then you dont have the right to stop her.

Also, why on earth would you leave her? Did she use your money for it? Is it because she didnt like your opinion? Think it over. Is the marriage reallly worth ending for something like this?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012):

I'm quite sure that is something about you she doesn't like and she is still there. I mean really? Stop being so petty. Leave when she cheats or gambles all the kids college fund money.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012):

i dont like fake boobs period.i love her so much. but the lies, i dont trust her anymore. if i will forgive her what's next another lie again. i have two boys with her what will i do help me pls. for me brushes well fade away but the pain is forever.i am a good husband but i dont know if i can forgive her.

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A female reader, Xx-Scorpio-xX United Kingdom +, writes (4 September 2012):

Xx-Scorpio-xX agony auntI don't think she needs permission from you to do something to her own body. If there was a piercing/tattoo or some surgery I wanted, I wouldn't ask my boyfriend if i was allowed to get it done. I'd do it anyway as it's my body not his. (sorry if this comes up twice)

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (4 September 2012):

Honeypie agony auntIsn't it HER body?

I mean ideally I think she should have talked to you about it, but really? fake boobies means the end of a marriage to you?

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