A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a friend who I've been close with since the start of secondary school, we were both split up from our old friends from school and we clicked instantly and since then we have been really close. But during secondary school there was a lot of rumours about me and him being together, but of course they weren't true, even though at this time I was almost ready to come out as gay, but I was so worried about everything that I instead came out as bi (as I'm not camp acting), when I came out (after having a lot of drink) he was perfectly okay with it, though he would never talk about it if he could avoid it, and he kept it to himself as best as he could whilst still making it clear he was in no was interested himself, despite me being head over heels about him (though I didn't tell him). Anyway, as time went on I went to college and he went to work, we still live close, and see each other when we can for nights out, but I thought any chance of anything ended years ago, and I convinced myself that nothing would happen and tried to move on. Recently however we've been talking a lot more, as he is concerned that his younger brother could be gay, I tried to help as best as I can as I know how hard it is going through it on your own, and the more we talked about it (me and my friend - not his brother) the more he would ask questions, I started getting suspicious, and after a while he told me he loves me, at first I was overwhelmed, but he is in such a state about it I don't know what to do, he changes his mind each day deciding that it's not right, I don't know whether he is confused about his feelings, or if he is just repressing them and acting like he doesn't feel them, one day he wants me and only me, and the other he says it was a drunken mistake, I keep asking him about it but all I get are neutral answers.I don't know whether he truly feels this way or not, he says he can't accept it because he doesn't think it's right to be this way, but at the same time he doesn't deny his feelings, what should I do? I want him so much, but I don't want my feelings to overwhelm him and cloud his decisions, and whenever I try to talk about it he pushes me away, he says there is no way to fix it, and he wants things to stay as they are now, but I don't want him to feel alone in this, and this whole thing has made my feelings come back even stronger. I need advice, do I keep pushing until I break through to him? and if so how can I break his concerns about it being wrong? or do I leave him and pretend it never happened, and deny both my feelings and maybe his? Please help, any advice from anyone?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2009): Boy this is a hard one, not much i can come up with. If he keeps denying his true feelings he is going to suffer and i wouldnt wish that on anyone. The only thing i can suggest is that you slowly show him how normal it is to be gay. Be there for him even if he doesnt commit to you. Suggest nights out or dont even tell him just take on a tour of the gay scene and let him see other people holding hands or cuddling sometimes realising theres nothing wrong can be a great relief. Dont push him just ask him if he wants to go or a drink. There is so much social stigma which still exists in families and religion that he may just be scared.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): I think that he is confused it could have to do with society,religion,family, or its just how he feels inside, thats its wrong. I would say to leave him alone and to move forward in your life there are other guys who are confident being gay and you don't have in the back of your mind is he going to leave me because he thinks this is wrong. I think you should just move forward and think about that next hot guy around the corner waiting for you.
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