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Do I just stay quiet or do I say something about my brother in law's visits to his ex, for sex?

Tagged as: Dating, Family, Health, Sex, The ex-factor, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 March 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 13 March 2015)
A male United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My brother in law keeps going over to sleep with his ex.

I don't know what to say to get through to him! She is trouble, which is putting it lightly, and he only goes over to her after he's been drinking.

He acts as if this is just a booty call, but the girl literally stalked him until he started paying attention to her again.

Judging by what she's done to get his attention - I'm scared what she may be capable of.

Do I just stay quiet or is there some thing that might make him wake up?

View related questions: booty call, his ex, stalking

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (13 March 2015):

Honeypie agony auntEh HIS mistake to make. HE knows what kind of girl she is. He dated her after all.

If he wants to do the booty-call thing with this fruitcake, that is HIS choice. My guess is, the SEX is great and that is why he keeps going back. Though, he seems to HAVE to be drunk to do it? Sad.

If he ASKS you what you think, THEN you can be honest. Otherwise I'd stay out of it.

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A female reader, RubyBirtle United Kingdom +, writes (11 March 2015):

So he's not married to a sibling of yours (or anybody else for that matter) so I'm afraid it's his business if he keeps making the mistake of sleeping with his ex - even if she is bad news.

You can explain your concerns to him once (or ask your wife/his sister to if they have a good relationship) but there's not a lot you can do if he chooses to ignore it.

And if it "only" happens when he's had too much too drink and they're still hooking up regularly - then he's drinking too much regularly and may well be an alcoholic if he can't control his impulses when he's been drinking.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2015):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Both confused replies. Nobodies an alcoholic and nobodies being cheated on. I'm married to his sister and he's my friend. He broke up with this girl but continues sleeping with her.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (11 March 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntIt is not your concern. As I say "Not my circus, Not my monkeys"

he has to make his own choices as an adult.

IF he is involved with an alcoholic he may benefit from Al-anon but only if he is ready to get himself healthy. Al-anon is not about fixing the other person.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2015):

You have not told your sibling that he/she is being cheated on?

Anyway, you tell him he needs to divorce your sibling or stop cheating on her/him.

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